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Parenting

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Preparing DD for loss of CM

5 replies

fleacircus · 09/07/2010 13:23

DD is 2.5, started induction with CM at 6.5mths and went to 3 days a week at 8mths, I went on maternity leave last July when she was 18mths but she carried on going to CM once a week, and now I'm back at work so it's back up to 2 days a week. I'm finishing work at the end of this month and we're planning to move before I start working again, so we've had to give CM notice. We haven't really talked to DD about it, she has a lovely relationship with CM her family and the other children there and I'm anxious to find a way to soften the blow - she's only got four sessions left now so I tried to introduce the idea today but not sure DD really picked it up. Any advice on how we can prepare her? This is the first time she's had to lose a significant adult from her life - we've talked about me being with her every day and she's looking forward to that but I don't think she's grasped that that means losing CM.

OP posts:
MaryMotherOfCheeses · 09/07/2010 23:30

Surely it will be fine.

She'll be so pleased to be with you more, she won't notice not seeing the CM.

Don't make a big fuss of it and she'll take it in her stride.

cloudedyellow · 11/07/2010 09:17

Of course she'll miss her.
I would talk to her regularly about it in a gentle way. Perhaps she could have a little book of photographs of CM and the other children and herself so that you can look at it with her and talk about the time she was there.
I believe children can manage loss with help, but glossing over it will make it seem as though the CM never existed. She has been an integral part of most of your dd's life. Your dd will be sad and that is normal.

Feelingsensitive · 11/07/2010 09:55

I think at 2.5 she will notice and miss the CM. I took my DD out of her nursery at 3.1 to go to a school nursery. She had been there since 9 months. From experience, I would advise remaining positive about the change at all times, listen to her when and if she expresses any anxiety about leaving but don't dwell too much on it, try not to tell her she is leaving until fairly close to the event. You could also speak to your CM as she will have experience of this before. Remember, change is part of life so you are helping her to learn how to cope with change which is a good thing. It took DD about 4 weeks to settle into the new nursery so expect some upset when she moves and maybe plan a few treats to help things along. She now remembers very little about the first nursery other than she liked it but feels she is too grown up to go there now!

The bit about listening when she expresses any anxiety I learnt when my DDs best friend moved away. Every time she said she missed her Is aid she would be fine and changed the subject. I hoped distraction would help her. I learnt the hard way when she said "mummy, just listen to me. I WILL miss my Sarah". From that point I always made sure I acknowledged how she felt by saying yes you will miss her. Its very hard when people move and things change but you will get used to it. As a parent you always want to protect your childs feelings but sometimes they have to learn the hard way. DD starts reception in a different school in September so at least I will have some idea of what to expect when she changes school.

nouveaupauvre · 11/07/2010 22:22

we moved when ds was 2.5 and he lost his nanny then (i went part time). i was prepared for him to have a terrible time with it as he adored her and she had been a big part of his life, but he was surprisingly quick to let go. he asked a few times where she was and he still talks about her fondly (they talk sometimes on the phone still) but showed no signs of distress.
I think it helps that firstly your child is going to see more of you now; might also help that you are moving. ds seemed to accept that she still lived near our old house but we had moved more easily i suspect than if she'd just left us for a new job or something - he didn't feel deserted because he could understand why she was no longer with us (we talked about how she lived too far away to come to us now).
good luck with the move and the change

blueshoes · 11/07/2010 22:45

My dcs have never skipped a beat when changing carers.

By all means talk to your dd, but I don't think it will be a big deal to her since you are her mother and you are still there even more than ever.

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