DS Has Been Rough With Classmate - Do I Ban His Playdate Tonight?

[Highlander]

5.5 ys reception DS1; have arranged for him to go to his best pal's for tea after school.

A mum of a small, young boy in his class approached me today as the young kid said that DS1 has been rough with him at playtime. I'm guessing it involved the gang playing Star Wars or their favourite game of tag/stuck-in-the-mud. I got the impression that DS1 is repeatedly rough with him.

She looked a bit embarrassed and said that she didn't want to speak to the teacher and make a fuss. I told her that it was v v impt that teacher does know, so that DS1 can be 'observed' and caught red-handed, and appropriately punished. I also told her to encourage her DS to tell the teacher if anything like this happens; it's absolutely not his fault.

I asked her if it was OK if we got together after school so that DS1 could apologise.

However, is it appopriate that, as a punishment, that I don't allow DS1 to go to his BFs? On a 'I can't trust you to be kind with ohter people' kind of way.

Additionally, DS1 is getting a bit mouthy and attitudey. He and his BF went up to the BF's mum recently, smacked her on the bottom and said, 'Hey fat bottom!'.

I think he needs a bit of a wake-up call.

I don't think so, unless it is a regular occurence.

He may have been a little rough in the throes of play, rather than deliberately hurting the other boy.

Ask him to apologise and see if he understands how much he upset the other boy.

DS1 (nearly 9) had a play date removed from him today as he was very cheeky this morning and made it diffucult for us to get to school/work on time as he wanted to wear his trainers to school

I don't think it is deliberate. The size (height) difference between the autumn and summer boys is huge.

Still, I'd like DS1 to learn that he has a responsibility for the little ones - or is that too much for a nearly-6 year old to take on board when thewy're galloping around like lunatics?

no, don't land him with a surprise punishment. It's also unfair on the other child who will be expecting him. Tell him that the school know and he must be kind at all times.

I would first ask your DS for his side of the story. It may have been accidental, or he may have been provoked, or it may not have happened at all. There are quite a few boys at my DC's school who are happy to initiate rough play, but will be the first to complain when they are on the receiving end.

6 year old boys (and most the boys I know regardless of age) run round like lunatics, not really looking to see who they may crash into.

As long as he apologises, it should be all fine.

I agree with grumpypants, it's not fair on the other child if he and his mum have everything arranged. It was not so bad for me, as the boy was coming to ours and he has been to ours several times over the years, so his mum was fine about it.

I have had to impress upon ds (5) that he has to treat boys and girls differently - the boys all seem to be very physical with one another - general jostling, accidental hitting, rough play - and none of them notice... Ds comes home with bruises all over him and can't tell you when he got them - and its not being rough on purpose, its being rough as part of the game they are playing...

Some of the girls, given exactly the same treatment, rush off to tell their mummies and say how much it hurt - although the way they run off to play with no more tears straight after I've pulled Ds up and got him to apologise, I really doubt that they were hurt to the degree they were pretending... Nevertheless, they don't like it and its unacceptable for ds to expect them to put up with it... So he's been told that playing rough games is fine for a certain group of friends - but he needs to make sure that he's gentle with all of the rest of the class.... He's playing with one of the really shy, petite girls today on a playdate - we shall wait and see how it has gone

Highlander - yes size does come into it... my classed as summer born boy is the largest in the class and tends to be expected to be as mature as his winter born classmates who have had 6mo more time to learn how to modify their behaviour depending upon who they are playing with.

cheers everyone. Apologies all round after school

My gut feeling is that it is just galloping around, having seen the way the boys behave with 3.5 yr old DS2 in the playground befoer school.

There is another boy who is a real cry wolf (and who's mum is a bit OTT), but this one really is sweet.