where has the time gone? feeling very low.

[tallulah]

Was going to change my name for this, but doesn't seem much point once I start the details.

Woken up today in a bit of a blue study. Lovely hot day & lots of places to go, & DH is asleep- as usual- having worked last night. Over the years we've got used to him not being here, & my DD used to function as his replacement- it was always me, her & the children. Now she's 17 she's out doing her own thing.

DS1 has gone off to Belgium & DS2 (13) doesn't want to come out. So it's just me & DS3 packing our picnic. I suddenly realised that at most I've got 7 years left. Then it'll be just me. DH will still be asleep & I will be 47 & completely alone.

I know it's daft to worry so far in advance & I know lots will change. It's just frightening where the time has gone- just yesterday I was stuck here with 4 under 6's & suddenly I've almost lost them.

Not really looking for answers- just feeling a bit sorry for myself. Anyone else been through this & come out the other end.. or anyone else facing it?

Sorry you are feeling so low tallulah, but it's times like this that we need to think positively and not drag ourselves further down in the dumps/blues so all I can say is I feel for you and try to think of all the nice things you will be able to do in 7 years time that you possibly have never had time for. Sorry have to rush but just wanted to say hi, don't feel blue.

tallula I know that feeling exactly. I so love my son's company when out and about. And I like going out with them full stop. If we're going to legoland or even the park, I often get really exicited too! My oldest (age 9) in some ways acts a surrogate adult in helping me with my younger son. When first one and then the other go their own ways I will be in mourning.

I know I will find other things to do. I am a pretty self sufficient person, I think. I will suddenly have all that new time to make adult friendships and maintain old ones, and read books, but it won't be the same. It won't have the same intensity about it. I love seeing my children's reactions to new things, and watching them grow up and change.

I keep wondering if I will turn into one of those older women who talking about their absent children with other older women

And I can see this happening so quickly. Double my son's age and he will be 18 years.

But with 4 children tallulah, the chances are that you will have grandchildren. And if you are only 47 when the kids are off your hands, you will be a very young ,and much in demand grandmother.

Sorry you're feeling a bit blue Tallulah, it's tough sometimes when we think of the future and wonder what it will be like without our 'babies'.
I would just try to focus on trying to enjoy the lovely day you are going to have with ds3. He will probably love having you all to himself. A picnic sounds lovely, have fun.

tallulah..your post made me feel blue too (and my boys are only 6, and 19 months).

It just goes too fast, doesn't it? You look back at photo's and think "where did that baby/toddler go?" It's school years that do it for me..they just fly by. It doesn't seem 5 minutes since my eldest started in Reception, in 6 weeks he's going into Year Two. And I feel him pulling away from me now, seeking his independence, and I know that's good...so why does it make me feel so sad?

No solutions I'm afraid..just empathy and a big (((hug)))

Me too, talullah. I felt like this last week.

DS2 is about to start Y6. His primary school is only 100 yards away - I was pegging out washing and heard them all shrieking in the playground and it suddenly dawned on me that after next summer there won't ever be one of mine shrieking there again. (DD1 started there in 1986).

I was quite philosophical when the older 3 left primary but I think when he leaves I will be a blubbering fool.

I hope looking ahead to this kind of situation is scarier than when it actually happens. The kids will come and go and we will find other things to do and other people to do them with. My own black hole is thinking of 3.30-4.00 and nobody coming in to tell me what kind of day they've had - I'll just have to make sure I'm somewhere else every day!

Aw, Tallulah, but believe me, you never lose your children, it's just that the focus changes. As you're probably aware, mine range in age from 28 to seven and sometimes I wonder if any of them will ever leave me in peace!! They may not be there physically but your children will always want you involved in something or other, I am sure.

Even as I was reading your post I was listening to my ds2 (24yrs next Fri) rambling on about the pros and cons of a house he is about to rent and the mechanics of moving his clutter into it. Ok, it's not changing nappies or walking the floor at night but I reckon I've done my share of that anyway. Then next month we're off to LA to see our married DS and after that we'll be doing lots of thinking with our 16yo about her application to uni. Dd2, at 7, seems a piece of cake compared to all that!

Hope you're feeling a bit less blue now.

Tallulah. I think suedonim's post is great- I know I need my mum now more than I ever have (and we moved back to be near her). She's a young granny- 53 and is my absolute godsend. She gets all the nice bits with the grandchildren without the sleepless nights as well.

Also remember that really you do want them to be able to move on. My one and only wish from liufe really is that ds1 will be able to live independently. I know if ever have to wave him off to his own life I would hate to see him go, but I would be really really pleased he was capable of doing that iyswim.

Hope you're enjoying the sun and had a lovely picnic.

Suedonim, your message gives me hope. Thanks!

Suedonim, your message gives me hope. Thanks!

Tallulah - one word for you - grandkids!
Seriuosly though hope you're not blue today.

Thank you all so much for your support

DS3 leaves primary school on Wednesday & the focus for the last few weeks has been all the "leavers" stuff.. I know from the other 3 that once they are at secondary school you lose that connection with the school, so I've been a bit close to the edge... yesterday was the last straw!!

Not quite so desperate today. DS2 decided to come with us yesterday after all, & the boys fought & bickered all afternoon... maybe the peace will be nice?