Oh wow...I've just been browsing the "I've got a problem child" section of Amazon, and came across this excerpt from Raising Your Spirited Child:
The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is more. They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change than other children.
ALL children possess these characteristics, but spirited children possess them with a depth and range not available to other children. Spirited kids are the super ball in a room full of rubber balls. Other kids bounce three feet off the ground. Every bounce for a spirited child hits the ceiling.
It is difficult to describe what it is like to be the parent of a spirited child. The answer keeps changing; it depends on the day, even the moment. How does one describe the experience of sliding from joy to exasperation in seconds, ten times a day. How does one explain the ?sense? at eight in the morning that this will be a good day or a dreadful one.
The good ones couldn?t be better. Profound statements roll from his mouth, much too mature and intellectual for a child of his age. He remembers experiences you have long since forgotten and drags you to the window to watch the raindrops, falling like diamonds from the sky. On the good days being the parent of a spirited child is astounding, dumbfounding, wonderful, funny, interesting, and interspersed with moment of brilliance.
The dreadful days are another story. On those days you?re not sure whether you can face another twenty four hours with him, It?s hard to feel good as a parent when you can?t even get his socks on, when every word you?ve said to him has been a reprimand, when the innocents act of serving up tuna casseroles instead of the expected tacos incites a riot, when you realise you?ve left more public places in a huff with your child in five years than most people do in a lifetime.
On the bad days being the parent of a spirited child is confusing, frustrating, taxing, challenging, and guilt inducing.
The Characteristics
Each spirited child is unique, yet there exists distinct characteristics in which more is very apparent. Not all spirited children will possess all of the following five characteristics, but each will exhibit enough of them to make her stand out in a crowd.
- Intensity.
The loud, dramatic spirited children are the easiest to spot. They don?t cry, they shriek. They?re noisy when they play, when they laugh, and even when they take a shower.
But quiet, intently observant children may also be spirited. They assess each situation before entering it as though developing a strategy for every move; their intensity is focused inward rather than outward.
No matter where their intensity is focussed, the reactions of a spirited child are always powerful. There is rarely a middle of the road. They never whimper, they wail. They can skip into a room, smiling and laughing only to depart thirty seconds later inflamed. Their tantrums are raw and enduring.
- Persistence.
If an idea or activity is important to them, spirited children can ?lock? right in. They are committed to their task, goal oriented, and unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves.
- Sensitivity
Keenly aware, spirited kids quickly respond to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. They are easily overwhelmed in crowds by the barrage of sensations. Getting through a shopping centre, fair or family gathering without losing them to a fit of tears is a major achievement. Getting dressed can be torture. A wayward string, or a scratchy texture can render clothes unwearable.
Every sensation and emotion is absorbed by them, including your feelings. They?ll tell you you?re having a rotten day before you realise it yourself and even scream and sulk for you.
- Perceptiveness.
Send them to their room to get dressed and they?ll never make it. Something along the way- perhaps a commercial on television ? will catch their attention as they walk by and they?ll forget about getting dressed. It can take ten minutes to get from the house to the car. They notice everything ? the latest oil spill, the white feather in a bird?s next, and the dew in the spider web. They?re often accused of not listening.
- Adaptability
Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another. If they?re expecting hot dogs on the grill for supper, heaven forbid if you come home and suggest going out to a restaurant. Even if it is their favourite restaurant, they?ll say, ?No, I want hot dogs.?
Adapting to change, any change is tough: ending a game in order to come to lunch, changing clothes for different seasons, getting in and out of the card. All of these activities signal a struggle for slow-to-adapt spirited children.
??????
WHILE EACH spirited child is unique most are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change. Many, but not all possess four additional ?bonus? characteristics: aspects of their personality that can make being their parent even more challenging.
??????
- Regularity
Figuring out when they will sleep or eat is a daily puzzlement for parents of spirited kids who are irregular. It seems impossible to get them on to any kind of schedule. An eight-hour night of undisturbed sleep is like a mere memory lingering in your mind from the days before their birth.
- Energy
Not all spirited kids are climbers and leapers. But they do tend to be busy ? taking things apart, exploring, and creating projects ? from the time they wake up until they finally fall asleep. Although sometimes viewed as ?wild?, their energy is usually focussed and has a purpose.
- First reaction
A quick withdrawal from anything new is typical of many spirited kids. An unfamiliar Idea, thing, place or person may be met with a vehement no. They need time to warm up before they?re ready to participate.
- Mood
The world is a serious place for some spirited kids. They?re analytical, picking apart experiences, finding the flaws, and making suggestions for change. Their smiles are few and far between and they may be prone to whining.
If your child possesses any of the ?bonus? characteristics, you will need to be even more enterprising. You are not only living with a child who is more, but you?re also faced with the exhaustion of life with a kid who is energetic, needs little sleep, expresses a strong resistance to new situations and things.
ALL children possess these characteristics to a certain degree, but the distinguishing factor for spirited children is more. They are not, however experiencing Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Children experiencing ADHD, even if they want to, are unable to focus their energy and attention. Spirited kids fall within the range of normal behaviour.
This is SO precisely how I feel about DD it's uncanny.