Help!! How does it all work?!

[MrsC2010]

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes!

I am due with our first DC in a few weeks, and suddenly realised I have no idea what to do once she arrives! So I have a few questions for anyone more experienced than me.

1. How do I know when to put her to bed? I mean, I know babies sleep a lot, so how do I know when to actually take her upstairs and 'put her to bed'?

2. What do babies sleep in? I have a moses basket to go beside our bed until she grows out of it at which time her cot will go in our room through till 6 months when I assume she can go into her room. But the Grobag thing looks so huge! I'm not convinced it will fit her or the Moses basket. So does she just wear those sleep suit things?

3. Blankets! When in the moses basket do I just tuck her in under a sheet or blanket? I presume near the end of the basket so she can't wriggle?

4. I assume all babies are different, but are they heavy sleepers on the whole? I'm wondering about the period when she shares our room and we go to bed later on, presumeably turning on the main overhead light and clattering around wouldn't be a good idea?!

5. Ditto mornings, on the offchance we manage to be sleeping in the morning when my husband's alarm goes off?

6. How much do babies sleep? I know from my breastfeeding class that newborns will feed every couple of hours, but am I supposed to then put her down to sleep after each feed?

Are there any good books around that you recommend I get hold of? It just seems that there are so many things that I don't know, and these questions are such stupid little things I feel silly asking.

Thanks!

First of all congratulaions on the impending arrival

Secondly don't panic! You will pick it all up as you go
I don't think you go STRAIGHT into grobags but someone may correct me - in this heat you just want one cellular blanket loosely over her I would have thought

As for whether she'll be a light/heavy sleeper - depends on whether she gets used to noise in the first few weeks when she's sleeping during most of the day - I was hoovering my DS when he was born, had the radio on when he was asleep etc so he didn't get used to total silence

As for a book, you should buy Mumsnet on babies
Can't recommend it enough

Good luck, you will be fine and any other problems, you've got MN to call upon!!

Congratulations, I was like you before I had my first, no experience of babies, I now have 4dsc but am by no means an expert.
For books I'd go to the library and get a selection as there are widely differing views.
You'll find that people tend to divide into two camps of "routine" or "go with the flow" and once you've found which one suits you best you'll find you'll be able to answer your questions as you go along or come back here and ask, there is always someone with advice.
Good luck

Congratulations and don't panic!!

I only have one DS, but he is nearly 5 months so I wnt through what you are feeling not long ago. I'l share what I know/think FWIW...

1. Most newborn's I have nkown sleep ALOT. Generaly your db will feel most comfortable with you, so will probably fall asleep while you are holding her. I would suggestthat you keep the moses basket dowstairs to pop her in when this happens, then take her up to bed with you when you go up. Later you'll want to put her to bed, but you can work this out nearer the time (my ds still naps and goes to sleep downstairs as he is very quiet when he cries, and a baby monitor would freak me out, but this is a personal choice). It may be that when you put her down she wakes up again and cries to be held, try to remember that she will prob feel vulnerable. To minimse this you could try swaddeling her, rather than the gro bag (my ds used a gro bag from birth bth, though now it's warm just a blanket)

2.Think you have this one nailed. The only thing I would add is that if you have a spare bed and can face it you might want to consider moving into dd's room. I have done this to give Dh more sleep as he is working and I'm still on Mat leave. Also I hope it might make the transition to ds sleepiong on his own easier, as he will be used to the room, I will just not be in it with him.

1. Yes, put her feet to the end of the moses basket, and tuck the blanket in under the matress so she can't wriggle under it. If you swaddle or use a gro bag you prob won't need a blanket at this time of year.

4 like champagne I made an effort not to be too quiet so Ds can sleep through some noise...,

5 not sure...would depend on alarm and babay

1. It really varies, but as I mention above, most newborns, I believe, like to be held most of the time inc to go to sleep as they are used to the enclosure and warmth of the womb 9heartbeat like patting can help settle them too)

Assuming that following the class you mention you do want to bf I would say the following. Give yourself and your dd every opportunity to get this going. Restrict visitors if neccesary. Take every opportunity to put your baby to the breast.They need to feeed lots at first, and if you leave it till they are hungry you may be tempted to perservere with a not too hot latch. I spent the first 48 hours of my ds's life popping him on and off teh boob. As a result I felt confident about it quickly, and my milk came in quickly too, thanks to the nipple stimulation. Start reading the MN Bf threads now so you are ready for some of the ill informed rubbish people will spout when they know you are bfing this one is good for a start.

Sorry this is so long, it really will be alrtight on the night,

Good luck!

You'll be fine.
Borrow at least 4 books from the library, take every piece of advice with a pinch of salt - every baby is different, My favourite after 15-months has to be Sleepsense by A. Richrdson and M. Faure but I still take bits from GF and others occassionally.
My son cries, and rubs his eyes and gets a bit hyper when he is tired but thats not true of my nephew who yawns. You'll figure out his cues.
We swaddled, tightly and for every nap for the first 4-months, it worked a treat, but didn't work for my nephew who preferred nothing. You'll try a few methods and figure it out. We now love grobags but thats because he has ezcema and they prevent him from scratching, like I say you'll just try lots of things and it'll all come together after a while.
My son isn't woken by any noise ever, although quite frequently wakes up up a 5am.
He prefers to drink on waking rather than just before sleeping but I did use milk to put him to sleep when he was little.
All I can say is, don't worry, listen to everyone but remember advice is only opinion backed up by varying levels of evidence and experience and at the end of the day no-one knows your baby as well as you do. Even the GP and HV are only giving advice based on their opinion albeit based on medical research it is only as good as their current level of knowledge which may not be as uptodate as you think given the time pressure they are under.

This is all normal!

Def get a book or two or three - hell, we have a whole shelf of 'parenting' titles!

Good luck and enjoy.

Some great advice here. Just to add that standard Grobags are usually suitable from 10lb and my best suggestion before that (assuming it isn't baking hot) are the swaddle blankets (or you can just swaddle in a normal blanket or sheet). Swaddling seems odd at first when you bundle them up tight, but it REALLY seems to help them relax and sleep in those early weeks.

Oh and "how do I know when to put the baby to bed" - I have two tips:

1. Start a bedtime routine as early as you like, even if the baby is sleeping a lot / well anyway. For example bath, stories, closing curtains, darker bedroom, quiet feed lying down, etc. Differentiating night bedtime from day naps by a series of steps/behaviours helps to clarify the difference for them, and if it's already in place before they become aware of it you are less likely to get trouble.

1. When your baby begins to spend some time awake in the day, it's time to put them back to sleep almost before you know it. The key for me was "small babies can't stay awake for longer than 2 hours" and in fact I found it was even shorter than this. For example, wake at 7am and have a nice long feed, maybe in bed, until 8ish. Change nappy etc. Then go downstairs and kick on the playmat while I have breakfast, and spend a few minutes playing together. I eventually realised that by the time I was struggling to keep the baby calm & settled, it was already too late and they were overtired. The signs of tiredness are tiny - by the time it's turned into crying you are going to struggle to get them to sleep (I'd often resort to more feeding). So in fact by about 8.30 I'd take them back for a nap (and go back myself, or later get some useful sorting out time). It certainly made the early mornings more bearable - only an hour or two before you can grab a bit more sleep!

Good luck and enjoy! You're doing well to go in with your eyes open!

This is great, thanks all! I just feel like I have been so prepared throughout the pregnancy in terms of appointments, shopping lists, budgeting spreadsheets, cost comparisons etc that the whole being a parent thing escaped me! Doesn't help that I don't sleep well so I lie awake in the early morning (typically after a loo run ) running through the various scenarios in my head and realising how little I know. I have friends with babies but feel woefully unprepared.

"I was hoovering my DS when he was born"

rofl

(also marking this with the intention of coming back later with something useful )

Don't worry about all of this now. Honestly. Get a couple of books out of the library on basic 'caring for your baby' stuff and wait and see what your baby is like.

And no matter how wobbly you feel, have confidence in yourself. You'll be great.

Grobags say don't use them on newborns - risk of them getting too hot and anyway they like to be swaddled. Use a sheet, fold it corner to corner in half, put the head over the folded bit. Tuck one croner over the top and undrebaby, and the same the other side Job done!

BTW babies sleep through anything, except hunger. Feed, feed and more feed and you'll be fine. Good luck!!

OP - I'm a 'go with the flow' kind of person. I had absolutely zero experience of babies before DS was born. DP and I tended to just cart the moses basket round the house, so when ds fell asleep I could just put him down.

Most newborns really do sleep A LOT.
I second the recommendation of a sling - I have a moby wrap sling and I took DS everywhere in it.
At night when he was newborn we just used to carry him (in the basket) upstairs when we went up. Generally he was already asleep by the time we went up. I can't remember when we stopped doing this and started actually taking upstairs to bed before we went. (I think it may have been about 6 weeks)
Don't bank too much on your newborn feeding every couple of hours. I found that DS fed far more frequently than that at first. And yes I had the lovely 'he's a big boy, maybe you don't have enough milk for him, you should top him up with formula' line trotted out at me a few times

Congratulations. you will be fine. Try to relax and enjoy your new baby, and try not to get too het up if s/he doesn't conform to what people or books say they 'should do'.

Oh I also swaddled DS when he was tiny as well
And I fed him to sleep for a long time - until he stopped falling asleep on the boob to be honest.

Swaddling is the best. I didn't have the foggiest idea about babies when DD was born. I had a CS with a GA so DH had strict instructions about skin to skin until I was alert enough. When I eventually woke up (anaesthetist and I had a bit of a ding dong so he purposly over anaesthetised me I think) I saw DD wrapped up like a mummy. I asked DH what that was all about, she shrugged and said the midwives did it (not happy about a man sitting behind a curtain with his shirt undone in an Omani hospital ). DD adored being swaddled, it stopped her arms and legs from jerking about too much and she slept really soundly.

at my gro bag error, It's a miracle my lad has made it this far tbh. Sorry for shoddy advice.

Hi

It will all work itself out. DS is 11 months now and I really think the key to it is to trust your own judgement and do what seems sensible. If its hot, just use a cellular blanket. He slept in just his nappy with a muslin thrown over him cos he was born in August.
At first, we took him upstairs when we went to bed, then after about three weeks we put him upstairs about nine but then we put him in his own room so we didn't disturb him when we went to bed. If he is going to be in with you then maybe get a very low wattage nightlight that you can just leave on so you can see what you are doing when you go up. They sleep very soundly at first. DS slept through the smoke alarm going off.

As far as book go I think they can be overrated because they only have a small bit about whatever your problem is. I found coming on here and talking to the other new mums at the SureStart babygroup the most helpful. I also think the plethora of literature out there makes you think it must be really hard and like some kind of exam. It isn't. You really will just figure it out if you remember that babies are people, not some alien species and relax. The only thing we got from a book was the principle of a rhythm that babies get into of sleeping, activity, eating, sleeping, activity eating... It just helped us see there were distinct different phases throughout the day and not just one random happening.

best of luck, congrats and well done thinking beyond the birth!

Hello I am going to veer away slightly from the advice given on this thread. I am a complete control freak and I hadn't got a clue what to do with this squalling bundle (and yes I had read the books such as baby whisperer it was not specific enough for control freak me). At about 6 weeks when I was ready to have a breakdown (it doesn't always come naturally or you just figure it out) I read Gina Ford Contented Little Baby book and it was a revelation HOWEVER there are some caveats to this

1. Get the latest edition
2. DS loved the routine and I realise not all babies do
3. Have the strength to pick out the bits that work for you (i.e. the bedtime routine became a gold standard for us but I didn't stick to the 7am wake up time because DS fed so much in the night I was knackered!)

Realise if both of you are still alive and fed at the end of the day then you have done pretty well and if anyone comments on state of you or the house then tell them to go boil their head. Being a mother doesn't come naturally (or enjoyable) to all but that doesn't make you a bad mother.

Hi,
I also had a panic like this before DS was born 24wks ago and then a friend gave me The Baby Book by Rachel Waddilove and I clutched it like a a security blanket for the first couple of months and referred to it as The Instructions at all times!
I'm a routine person so it really suited me but even if your not its got some super sensible advice about newborns and even instructions on how to put a vest on, swaddle them, what to put in your nappy bag and stuff like that.
Congrats and good luck, you'll be fine

Like Libra, I too am a control freak and needed to get myself into a routine with a new baby for my own sanity. Because of my own need for routine, I followed Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby book as it had hour by hour routines detailed there for the first year of baby's life.

I didn't follow it to the letter (eg I let my baby nap in the buggy whilst out and about or in a baby swing or in the moses basket downstairs with me) but I found it reassuring and helpful.

But my DD was formula fed so if you are breast feeding it may not be so useful to you.

My DD "conformed" very easily to GF and started sleeping through the night from 12 weeks 7 to 7. BUT, not all babies are so predictable (thankfully!).

On the other hand, if you are a go with the flow person then look into attachment or continuum parenting concepts.

Ultimately you will know yourself and your baby best so think now about how you would like to parent (routine, go with the flow, in between) and then once your baby is born and you live your daily life with her/him be prepared to adapt your parenting style.