Is it wrong to let 3 year old daughter watch DVDs in bed before she goes to sleep?

[OnEdge]

We do a bedtime routine, bath stories bed, then she has started watching her portable DVD player until she falls asleep. Before this she found it very hard to settle, shouting out for mummy and crying until eventually she would fall asleep. With the DVDs she falls asleep at the same time but without all the upset.

Am I a bad mum? I feel guilty doing it but it makes life so much smoother.

not a bad mum but maybe audiobooks would be better if she would go along with it. Thing is you set aprecedent here and when she gets older, the films will be a bit more exciting presumably - less easy to drop off.

personally, yes I do think it's wrong.

I don't think you're a bad parent though. We all do stuff that works purely because it works.

mindyou the same couldbe said for audiobooks - also get more "exciting" as they get older.

Would try to avoid a screen last thing at night but when I push myself to give you a clear reason why, haven't come up with anything! lol

I think if it works for you then go for it

a word of warning though, a mate of mine at uni at tonhave the tv on to go to sleep
he had it on a timer to turn off at a certain time

Yes it's wrong. Kids can't switch off properly and wind down with the tv on. You need to create a wind down routine for your child and stick to it. I think as a minimum no tv for an hour before bedtime.

It is not great for her but it works for you. I would limit it to a few minutes only.

I think there's some kind of technical reason about it changing brainwave patterns or something.

I went out with a guy who used to have to have radio or tv on to go to sleep - really annoying. I would try and get her out of the habit if you can, I can't imagine it's a great thing to get used to.

Thanks.

I feel it is wrong but I cant really think why. My mum had a fit this morning when I told her. She said a bedroom should be a sacred place for them to rest peacefully with no stimulation.

I prefer it to the performances we used to have waiting for her to settle down.

Yes. Sorry, but it's an awful habit to get into. Agree that audio books would be better, but how about you switch to bed, then stories in bed until she's ready to fall asleep?

As she gets older you can withdraw the dvd time and encourage books instead.

Oh soupdragon

I need to google this. Damn, I was all reasured then.

I might have a go at controling it, like 20 minutes then OFF !

I wouldnt call it wrong but Ipersonally wouldnt do it. But sometimes it means we get an easier lie, and lets face it, we ALL fall for that sometimes so dont feel bad!

Did some searching fo royu though..

here

here

I think it is wrong

I don't think it makes you a horrible parent, and I don't think it's child abuse, but I do think it is wrong.

I think it's wrong, you have no idea what time she goes to sleep. It doesn't make you a terrible parent though.

OnEdge we had to do this with DD when she was aged about 2-4 and my mum had a fit too!

I think unless people have had DCs who are very very difficult to settle at night, they will be shocked that you would do this but for us it worked and was so much better for the whole family

We went cold turkey with the DVDs when DD started school, at the same time redecorating her bedroom and removing the tv/DVD player. It was fine

She's now 10 and goes off to bed with no problems, she has a computer in her room now but only watches DVDs when she has friends over for sleepovers in the holidays etc so in our case anyway it didn't create bad habits

I don't think you're an awful parent, but I don't think its a good thing to do.
We read to my dd till she falls asleep, her and DH are working through alice in wonderland at the moment, a little bit each night, why not do something like that? Is there a reason you must leave her alone in her room to go to sleep?
I can understand if you've got other younger children to deal with, but otherwise, maybe she just likes knowing you're there when she drifts off, nothing wrong with that imo.

I wouldn't do it, but that doesn't make it wrong.

I just feel bedtime is a time for winding down. I don't think that can happen properly with the amount of stimulation that a DVD provides.

Right,Im going to stop it tomorrow night and just do more stories.

It is lazy parenting

My 13year old dsd still has to have a dvd on to get to sleep. I would try and wean your dd off it at some point, perhaps when she is older and can read to herself before bed.

As it is dsd does not live with us, so we have no say, and I can see us still having to turn the dvd and tv off for her when she's bloody 18!

we're all lazy parents sometimes

Funnily enough, this is something we have recently introduced for DS due to several months of absolute nightmares during the evening.

We've tried everything to settle DS at night but at nearly 4 he is sometimes capable of bouncing off the walls until at least 10.30pm. I've tried reading to him while he continues to bounce. Nothing compelled him to stop bouncing and relax. I've tried massage, singing, stories, rigid routine, lavender in the bath, bribery; honestly everything. Some nights absolutely nothing works apart from a DVD on his portable DVD player which we tried out of pure desperation. We know that if we can just get him to lie down and relax he will sleep. It is getting him to do that is the problem.

We don't do it every night, by any means. I'd say once or twice a fortnight he gets into this weird headspace where the DVD is the only option. I'm hoping it is a phase that will pass quickly. The only way I can describe it is to imagine a boy so exhausted that he appears hyperactive. THere can be no reasoning, or soothing, or anything.

To those who think it wrong, what would you suggest?

I found audiobooks invaluable with DD1, who doesn't like going to bed/sleep.

She may kick up a fuss, now that you've started the precedent of a DVD. You'll have to tough it out for a few nights. How about buying her a gift of few audiobooks that you know will appeal, and getting her excited about listening to them? My 3 year old listens to a Charie and Lola story one, Angelina Ballerina, Little Princess, and some classic fairy stories. As she doesn't have many they must get very repetitive - perhaps that's what sends her to sleep so quickly!

RobynLou

Yes I have a 1 year old son who is in his cot next to her. Also I am 31 weeks pregnant and I think I was desperate to shorten the bed time routine because I am knackered myself. As soon as she falls asleep my husband and I go to bed we are so tired. But i do sit on here MN-ing. That is how I unwind now. I dont watch any TV anymore.

Its all a mixup now. Husband is sleeping in the attic bedroom. I have big bed, daughter watching DVDs, Need to sort it out.

it's true, we are all lazy parents in one way or another

it's a series of bloody compromises, isn't it [war-weary]