WWYD DS1 and Porn HELP!!

[RainbowDrops]

I have just discovered that DS1 (13.10 yrs) has been looking at lesbian porn on his ipod touch. He doesn't know that myself and my DH know about it yet. I want it clear in my mind what I going to say and do before we discuss it.

At the moment I feel that my DS is growing up so quickly.

My main concern is that I don't want to make him feel that his feelings and interest in things of a sexual nature are abnormal, IYSWIM. Also another concern is that this stuff is intented for adults and I need to know how to protect his young eyes from things that could be far more graphic than lesbian porn.

WWYD

take his ipod touch away from him to start.

You cannot allow him unrestricted access to the internet - it will give him an unrealistic view of sex and sexuality.

Talk to him about sex, encourage him to talk to you or your partner I suppose.

Well his interest in sex isn't abnormal, 13 is an age to be fascinated and curious about sexual behaviour and to want to look at things that are 'forbidden'. So what you need to concentrate on is making sure he gets to see some positive stuff about sex - there are lots of good books about making sex enjoyable for loving couples which contain sound advice and some titillating imagery, maybe a few of those might appear in your house without comment (You want him to absorb this positive information, if he thinks he has got one over on you by reading it he will take it in more than if you present him with a Sex Manual For Boys.)

We had this with DS2 some years ago - another boy at school had given him details of some really nasty porn sites and I found out via internet history.

We talked about it - I felt it was very important to make him understand that most girls/women would not like the sex practices illustrated on these sites, and might feel very threatened by anyone who tried to persuade them to partake.

DS was very embarrassed and upset, and I think he was pretty shocked at some of the stuff on the sites, but all was good after.

We also had a similar incident with DS1 a couple of yrs ago around 14. There was the 'usual' curiosity type stuff and some significantly more 'diverse', shall we say, following the visit of a friend.

We had a chat pretty much identical both in content and reaction to dweezle's, and I think that due to the matter-of-fact way we approached it he got the message.

As others have said, when you talk about it I think it's important to acknowledge with him that sexual curiosity is entirely normal at his age in the right circumstances - I had to convince DS2 recently that this was the case, bless him due to his mates sensationalising it all a bit he thought otherwise. What we said was that a lot of these internet sites are designed for entertainment and mostly do not represent reality, but that there's tons of really positive stuff presented in a fun but factual way on there, and found a few for him, eg the BBC sites are very good.

Agree that the best way to go is talk openly about sex, about how what you can find on the internet is usually NOT realistic or OK. Perhaps also worth suggesting that some things on the internet are quite shocking and not a good way to find out about sex.

I don't think the ban the internet/ ban the ipod suggestions are very realistic with a teen. With internet available on every phone and every other gadget these days it is well-nigh impossible to police internet access unless you become Amish and ban all technology in your household. (Oh yes, you'd need to ban visiting friends, friends with phones, libraries, going to inetrnet cafe's...in fact lock him in a cellar with some wood carving tools to entertain.)

Best just talk, eh?