Top tips for dealing with naughty 5-year-old please - or do we just have to endure this phase?

[SolidGoldBrass]

DS is 5.9 and in many ways a lovely little boy, he is very clever, articulate, loving and funny. But he is going through a stage of being a right little sod when it suits him (yes, have posted about this before, trying to pin down the problem and deal with it). He makes unreasonable demands/requests and then has screaming strops when he can't have what he wants - an example would be that he wants to get off the bus one stop early. If I agree to do this, within minutes of getting off the bus he will be saying that he wanted to stay on the bus and screaming because we didn't stay on the bus.
Or he will be deliberately unco-operative - I tell him we are going out, and to put his shoes on; he asks for a snack and I say he can have it when the shoes are on, he has a tantrum and refuses to put his shoes on.
Currently I am doing the withdrawal-of-treats and telling him firmly that no-one's impressed and screaming will not get him what he wants. Has anyone got any other quick fixes that work short-term? I'm quite aware that it's going to take time to shift the habits altogether but we are going to my brother's wedding in a few week's time, and though DS dad is coming too and will firmly remove DS from the room if he kicks up during the ceremony, I would love to have some hints on avoiding strops so we don't spend the whole day being heavy parents...

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I don't think there are any quick fixes for this.

The more consistent you are in not allowing him to manipulate you with his tantrums, the quicker it will be sorted. However he still has to try everything in his armoury several times to see if it will work or not.

All you can do is stick at it. If you say no, mean it and stick to your guns no matter what. Make sure that all the other adults around him are as consistent as possible too. if he sees a chink in the armour he'll work all the harder to try to break you down.

He will realise in the end that the tantrums get him nowhere and give up. Let's just hope it's before the wedding.

agree with no quick fixes.

in fact, i think i would do as little as possible

so, if he asks to get off the bus you say "you want to get off now?"
"are you sure?"

when you get off, if he kicks off, I would just say in a very nice calm voice "oh dear, you said you wanted to get off and we got off. now let's go home"
of he continues to tantrum just stand/sit and wait for him to stop (if you ahve the time)

I try and avoid the "if you do this you can have that" scenario because it seems to inevitably lead to them refusing to do what you want AND having a tantrum because they can't get what they want

so i'd do, "quick shoes on, then a snack" or, give him a snack to eat while you help him do his shoes

also, if you can try and spend more time with him just doing things he likes doing. he might be doing this for attention, so he's basically trying to let you know that he needs more of you. maybe spending some more 1-2-1 time with him will help?

No short term fixes buut as far as the wedding goes, I'd bribe all the way . An articulate and intelligent five year old will understand, if you're good all day at Uncle Wotsits wedding then the weekend after we can spend the day at the park/go swimming/have a friend over to play, whatever will work for him.

Incidentally, I also find that bribery on staying up to play connect 4/choosing pudding (out of yoghurt or fruit, how gullible my DS is!) works a lot with my DS who's 5 in August. If I'm very desperate then the promise of a comic produces angelic behaviour the like of which has never been seen before. But, he knows that if he doesnt do it, he wont get it.

I think mine is starting to understand, he's been a little love today, and we did have a talk about how being naughty is counterproductive and means losing treats and people being cross and sad.

I can sort of see my childhood self in him as well, I know I used to back myself into impossible corners and then rage about it.

might work as well to remind him of things that have happened before.
i read somewhere that children of that age aren't great at looking into the future. they can't imagine things happening, even if you're saying "if you do this, x will happen"

but they CAN comprehend and remember things that have happened in the past

so, next time you're on the bus and he asks to get off early you can try saying "do you remember last time we got off early? you didn't like it did you?" etc etc and he might change his mind?