How to settle a newborn

[Malinii]

Hi I have an 11 day old baby who won't let us put her down in her Moses basket at night I'm sleeping with her which is fine. But during the day it means I can't move from the sofa which is difficult! My husband wants us to try the settle and leave method and I'm just a bit anxious about her then never sleeping! Am already a bit weepy and not sure I can handle her not sleeping! What do you guys think I should do?

I think she's too small/young for that, also I am convinced girls are just that bit more clingy, my dd was the exact same, we wound up holding her for most of the time, it passes, you get through it, I think it's just how females are hotwired to be socialable, my ds was always happy to be put into his basket no bother.

At this stage, you're so exhausted don't do anything that will make you feel anxious, my dh walked back and forth a lot carrying dd until she was fast asleep and then could be gently placed down. He did a lot of the nights because I was feeding and very tired.

That was basically it if I wasn't feeding dd then dh was carrying her, she needed the comfort, settling and leaving is for well over 6 months although I have never done it.

Good luck and congrats on baby

I think at this very early stage, you just need to do whatever gets you through without making you unhappy/stressed/anxious/add emotion here!

She will start to settle I'm sure, you have to remember she has been all cosy inside you until 11 days ago

Have you tried a sling?

she is way too small to even be thinking about any kind of settle and leave methods

she's spent 9 months inside you, hearing you, being carried around.... it's not that unusual that she should still want that now is it?

trust me, it does get better. enjoy it while you can, those lovely newborn baby snuggles are over only too quickly

i'm not sure how to work it with a sling. she feeds on my lap then falls asleep and i don't want to move and wake her up! i guess i need to try and feed her in the sling and hopefully she'll then sleep there.

have you tried moving her once she has fed?

you normally need to leave it 5 or 10 minutes, so that they're in a really deep sleep, and then you might be able to put her down

mine liked to be snugged up in a blanket (use a sheet in this weather tho) so they felt secure still, like they were being held.

The best way to settle a new born is to feed her. Honestly. And cuddle her. As she grows and develops it'll change, but right now, just feed and cuddle.

I remember that, I couldn't move, it was frustrating because I was drinking so much water bfing, the second I would move she would wake up and cry.

With ds I told myself I am not going to be scared to get up put him down for a second and go to the loo, but since he was so easy going it wasn't like that so it didn't matter.

Tough it out, it will change before you know it, it's such early days, she just needs plenty of comfort. Looking back I should have tried a sling, people suggested it. Do your research picking one, there are so many to choose from some are safer than others.

I agree with the above. I could put my DS down after 15-20 minutes, when he was in a deep sleep, but sooner than that would wake him up.

Yes, some slings you can feed in. Or you could pick her up after she's fed, put her in the sling and go out for a walk/move around indoors (depending on how much motion she needs). She may well drop off then, and you'll have your hands free.

Alternatively, if your bed is set up for safe co-sleeping, you could feed her lying down and leave her to sleep on the bed. Do make sure it is safe if you do this, though.

As seeker says, many babies do like being wrapped. You could try swaddling in a thin sheet.

My DS stopped falling asleep at every feed when he was only 2 weeks old so I'd then rock/jiggle him to sleep. I think that was fairly young, though, to stop falling asleep after every feed.

Congratulations and keep going. Your DH probably doesn't understand enough about babies' development to know what settling methods are likely to work at this stage. I know my DH kept suggesting controlled crying when DS was a month old and unsettled - he simply didn't understand that things like that don't work with tiny babies.

i wanted to second the suggestion of swaddling. If your baby likes to be held tight then a swaddle might just do the trick.

in this heat i would use a muslin square, actually i would sew two together as the standard supermarket muslins are not really big enough.

HERE is link for instructions on how to swaddle.

I used to feed DS, change him, play or chat a little, and then swaddle him and feed him a little more (10 mins or so) he would fall asleep on the boob, once he was swaddled he would transfer into the moses basket easily enough without waking. A wise MNer also told me to sit on the mattress of the moses basket to warm it with my bum That way being moved from Mum's cosy busom doesn't wake them too much. Or put a warm hot water bottle on it and take it out before you put her into the basket. I remember how it felt to think you had got 5 minutes to make a cup of tea and then heart sinking hearing WAAAAAAAAAAH! But congrats on your baby and really try to enjoy her when she's so tiny, I miss DS being like that now when he is dismantling the house!

Someone (in hospital - a nurse I think) showed us how to swaddle DD, then lie her on her side, resting one of our hands on her side and it did help settle her. I have no idea how this fits in with guidance on sleeping positions though.

I should add though that feeding and cuddling also featured heavily, as did a sling, as methods for settling with both DD and DS.

Malinii - I have a 10 day old girl and just as the others have suggested I'm swaddling her in a muslin square, feeding her, leaving her to get into a deep sleep and then transferring her into the moses basket. It doesn't work every time but is working more and more.

My older DD was just the same, really clingy etc, but I remember it got much, much better at about 6 weeks so I'm hoping it'll be the same this time!

Goodluck!

Thanks for all your advice. We swaddled her this morning and she slept in her Moses basket for a bit. So I think I'll keep trying that and try and get her into the sling too. I think I'm worrying too much! Am now drinking chamomile tea to try and feel less anxious about everything!

I feel really bad now DD is 9 weeks and I still spend much of the day trapped on the sofa as she sleeps on me

i bath my little girl every night before she goes to bed and she is then settled for the night and she is 11 weeks maybe try it and see how you go

Cuddle until she is in a deep sleep (you can tell when it is deep enough by watching her limbs: they they are limp the sleep will be deep enough) then, if you want, move her into the moses basket or in the sling.

Alternatively, feed, burp, sling and walk around the house (we found stairs worked brilliantly). Once she is asleep in the sling you can even stop, sit on the sofa and rest (or do whatever you want to go, but 11 days after the birth it is probably rest!).

Agree with the posters above that your daughter is way too young for any "settle and leave". Don't worry about creating bad sleep associations- we were assured by our paediatrician this was not possible when they are this young. On the contrary, the baby benefits from feeling secure and loved in your arms and can concentrate on growing rather than on worrying about suddenly being on his/her own after 9 months in you. There is scientific evidence that small babies are less stressed and grow better when cuddled a lot (kangoroo care for premature infants). Plus it helps with your milk supply, boding with father and is wonderful.

When he was very little, our baby used to go to sleep only in our arms, in the sling, in the pram or on the boob but when he reached 3 months he started going to sleep on his own, without any need for us to "train" him and certainly without any crying. He is now a very happy 5-month-old and I miss cuddling him to sleep (he now prefers going to sleep in the cot on his own, after a little cuddle). Enjoy the newborn snuggles- it does not last long!

Lots of good advice here already- really dont worry about this lasting, it is a just a phase, she will go down for longer and longer with time- DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK THEIR TEETH ABOUT IT. You could try putting a tshirt that smells of you in moses basket, sometimes that helps when you transfer them in. Slings are also fab, complete sanity saver if you have a clingy/ cuddly baby