I'm such an angry parent :(

[josla]

I get so FURIOUS at the slightest thing, and often have to hit myself because I'm so angry. And it takes ages to calm down, I walk around counting and breathing slowly, I go upstairs or outside, but still I am so mad. I often get annoyed when something just happens, a normal everyday life kind of little problem, but also I get angry at DH or DS (15) but on occasion at DD1 (2). I can't seem to control my feelings - I take offence and feel worthless then angry, I think. I wonder if anyone knows some good books I could read to help - I would not have the time or money for a counsellor. I need to get a handle on it, because also I can't get controlled mad at DS when he deserves it, and it's not good to show my children that when you get mad you stomp around gritting your teeth (and go in the other room to punch your legs or smack your head.)
Every other mum seems to be so clever and patient, no-one else seems to get as worked up as me.

Do you ever get time out? I get like this if I dont go swimming or if we are all sick and stuck indoors. Gardening helps me, as does going to the park, but the biggest help is the 2 hours off that I get when the creche take my son.
I don't have any words of wisdom, can you work out your triggers so you can catch yourself before you get to the really angry stage?
If this is a new thing it could be medical and might be worth a chat with your GP?

Thank you both so much - I had a good chat with DH last night too - I felt like things were coming to a head. going to look up that book at the library and think I will go talk to the doctor. But I do think you are right, I don't get out much and feel a bit trapped (and taken for granted.) I suppose we can all feel like that sometimes, I just need to control myself a bit more. I never get angry with any strangers, and even when I do get angry, I never row - I hate confrontation and have to walk away and fume instead. Thanks again

There's a telling phrase in your post: "Every other mum seems to be so clever and patient, no-one else seems to get as worked up as me."

I seem quite calm to the other parents I meet, but my blog househusbandconfessions.wordpress.com is all about my utter failings as a parent - how much I shout at my daughter, how little I know what I'm doing. I'm writing it because I think these feelings are near-universal. Nobody really knows what they're doing, and if you come across a parent who thinks they're doing everything right, they're probably raising a horrible brat!

I know that my problems with tension and anxiety (which I take mild medication for) become vastly alleviated when I'm exercising regularly.

Trouble is, exercising regularly takes time which a lot of us dont have.

Poor you.
I find the best way of dealing with my rage is to write a diary. That way you can look to see what's really bothering you - themes will start to come out. Also , once it's down you can look back over it and get some perspective. This really helps long term.
Try running for the diary every time you feel upset rather than smacking your poor dear old head.
Also 'controlling yourself more' sounds like 'suppressing yourself more' which doesn't sound great to me.....dealing with the issues is much better!
And another thing that helped with my rage a HUGE amount - getting a cleaner!! Henceforth I will go without food in order to afford a cleaner, personally, because it transformed my life. I was sooooo resentful about cleaning the toilet. Stupid but true!
Good luck.

Josla I am exactly the same. The way I describe the feeling is like a ball of fire which sits in my gut. The ball of fire frequently grows and fires off sparks. I don't know when it's going to happen, (it could happen if I drop a pen off my desk even) it makes me want to destroy something and scream with pure rage. It's really like a jackal and hyde thing. As soon as it calms I physically feel better. Is this similur to the way you feel?

I too have overcoming anger and irritability, but self-help books don't really work for me. I am now having accupuncture weekly and things seem to be calming down. Maybe this could be an option?

When I talked about the sparks flying off this ball of fire I ment to add, it usually turns into a raging inferno a fills me with the rage.

It might sound silly but are you on a hormonal contraceptive? They can make you extra ragey. Were you like this before children? I have heard that PND can kick in at up to the child being about 6.

I got rages when I was on the pill (esp microgynon) and didn't connect the 2 at first. Also Calms tablets really do work. the same stuff is irritating, but you really don't care .

Hormones have a lot to answer for- my mother was absolutely horrible for about 4 years on a combination of early menopause caused by a hysterectomy at 41, boosting artificial hormones and a job that shouldn't have been stressful but was. That combined with high blood pressure made up a combustible mother (with 2 teenage daughters...) She must have been very depressed too, because she did not notice stuff like when I dyed my hair bleach blonde, but beat me to the floor when I did not want to wear an awful outfit to a school showing of Macbeth to Leeds Theatre.

Its great that you've acknowledged the way you feel- I strongly suggest you look at the hormone thing and look for triggers.

I agree Elsa123, I had exact same reaction to many types of pill!

All parents get like this sometimes so please don't judge yourself.

This will be a brief post as I have to bath the baby but my first thoughts when I read your post were how we all need to find a balance in life. Obviously everybody's idea of a balanced life differs. I for one get VERY edgy if I don't get to knit, sew, etc or if I am not eating fruit and veg. Others need sport. Fresh air is important too. I think the most important thing though is that you get enough time in your own space bubble. I get so ratty if I am sharing physical space with all three DC (and they really are lovely) as well as my DH and cat! As soon as I get 30 minutes alone - WOW: my shoulders relax and my breathing becomes more tranquil.

One last thought: have you had your iron levels checked recently? I was anemic for a very long time without knowing and, believe me, during those times I found it much harder to control my temper!

Take care of yourself.

JOSLA! You have acurately described my life! I feel for you but at the same time feel utter relief that i am not alone! I go to bed most nights with guilt weighing heavy on me for not dealing with things the way I know I should have. I've always been quite a hot-headed person but really thought motherhood would chill me out. How wrong I was! Since giving up work I now seem to have more on my plate than ever and get furious over the slightest thing my kids do. I know this sounds ridiculous but I take things personally too (for example when my 1 year old daughter pulls my glasses off my face for the tenth time that day or my 3 year old needs a poo as we're about to leave the house!) I'm certain that the answer is to take time out from our kids AS OFTEN AS WE CAN! Good for them and us.