To Three or not to Three, that is The Question

[almost40]

I am selfishly starting another thread on this much debated topic. I have two lovely DDS who are 3 yo and 18 mos. DH wants more. Things are generally comfortable and good. Should we try for a Third or quit here? I am almost 40. TIA.

almost40 I work full-time (more or less).
It's Ok. No worse with 3 than 2 tbh.

almost40, yes I am sure larger gaps would sometimes help.

on the plus side I never felt complete with two and there was always an itch for a 3rd, and my 3rd - dd3, age 16 months - is absoloutely lovely. But it is intense. they are more than a one-person job a lot of the time.

Twiglett - that's so right about how babies make you feel young - a young family - and I like that feeling (esp as clearly really middleaged!). I also really like it when my stepdaughter is around and there are three children (albeit one a young teenager) in the house, sitting round the kitchen table eating pasta. It's a lovely feeling. I'm glad I have her and it does mean my two have an extra sibling. Dh is quite, quite certain he does not want four!

And before you say it, I know I don't like pasta, but I do quite like dumping a big bowl of it on the table for everyone!

Thank you all for posting. The last time I asked this same question, the mums of three seemed to indicate that there is a particular sense - not rational or orderly - that you get when you hav ethree children. Aloha, it is probably the sense you get when as you put it, you have three children sitting around a table. I have one friend with all three close together, and it just seems like way too much work. But it seems ideal to have them somewhat spaced apart, if you do opt for three and can control the timing. . Bumblelion, it must help that your three are spaced so. I can't imagine managing on my own with two, much less three. My hat is off to you.

A late contribution. I am going for ttc for no. 3 in Jan / Feb to aim for an October baby. If I conceive straight away (I did for the other two) then I will have, in October 2006: A 4.3 yr old, a 2.6 yr old and a newborn.

With a small age gap between my first 2 (21 months) parenting has always been quite frantic, so perhaps naively I am not expecting it to be too much more challenging. Anyway dd will be in Reception class when third baby is born, so for most of the time Monday to Friday I'll just have a toddler and baby to care for - which is pretty much what I'm used to.

Perhaps I am living in a fool's paradise. Also blessed with a mature first child - dd, who is currently only just turned 3 is already quite reasonable / rational. She has her moments sure, but most of the time I can rely on her not to run off in the shops / park whatever, or run into roads and so forth.

Well I was extremely broody a few weeks ago but I had one of those days that turned into one of those weeks that turned into one of those fortnights....you get the picture. No more for me!

dd1 is 2.9yrs and dd2 is 1 at the end of this month so I don't thing the close age gaps helps matters.

Financially it would be a disaster as well as I would have to give up work.

OO your age gap for your two is identical to mine. 21 months right?

22 months. I have the wrinkles to prove it as well, v tiring. Some days I want to run away. But most of the time it is fab.

I forgot to mention that both my mum and mil are making comments that I should stop at two, as though I am overwhelmed with two - how would I cope with three. I don't feel overwhelmed, and I find it really annoying that they make these types of comments. Meanwhile others, including DH, think we should have a third as soon as possible because of the risk of downs etc. going up significantly with each year now. The more I think about it, the more I think I want number 3, but I just want to wait a few years and have him (hopefully) when I'm 41 or 42, and DD2 would be 3 or 4.

HMC - I'm curious about your timing - why an October baby, and why 2.6 years after your youngest? Also, are you working outside the home?

A40,

October baby to:

• spread out kids birthdays (already have April and July featured)
• because I want the child to be one of the oldest in the school year rather than one of the youngest (like my dd will be as a July baby). Some summer babes struggle in reception class as youngest in the year - but not all.
• I favour small age gaps and would have gone for smaller than 2.6 if it had been feasible, but that would have been too much to take on with two lo's already
• Oldest child will be at school when 3rd child comes along which will cut me some slack..

Forgot to say, yes am working part time 3 days a week, but will be jacking that in. I could continue working with 3, but tbh I don't enjoy my job and we don't need the 2nd income so I might as well quit.

Oh and my MIL and mother will doubtless be horrified to hear about ttc for no. 3. That's a common reaction! [rueful smile]

Also forgot to mention, am similarly ancient and almost 40 (well 37)

hmc, I like your style. It sounds like you have made your decision after much deliberate thought and analysis. I can't think so clearly and too influenced by others. Mumsnet is good though for people like me. And by the way, 37 is closer to 35 than to 40 - not that age matters. . .

Thanks almost

Of course there is always the possibility that my reasoning may be deeply flawed!

True, but at least you have gone through the process.

I think lovely parents with lovely children should always have more if they want....

I would say go for it!
you are fit and healthy!!!??? age is just a number!

Can someone tell me - do you ever stop wanting a baby? I mean every time I have one, they go and turn into toddlers. Very nice toddlers, but then I want a baby again. Is this feeling going to go away if I have 4? (have 2 at the mo)

I look at my two and think "amazing, but its not enough". I'm worried I'll always feel that way. Like your income - you always want 10% more than you've got...

You see, if I'm always going to want a baby anyway, I should quit while we can still afford the swimming lessons (and while I've only had a "little split" and not a major scar rupture ).

Can't believe I'm broody already. He sleeps through for one night and look what happens.

I thought I'd stopped after my number 4 (who's six months old now) and I've begun getting rid of cribs and clothes and nappies and all sorts. However I think twinges of broodiness might be returning even now, to my utter horror.

I saw my baby on a scan today (23 weeks) and got all broody!

i felt 'complete' when I had no 3!!

errr......

got 5 now!!!!!