To Three or not to Three, that is The Question

[almost40]

I am selfishly starting another thread on this much debated topic. I have two lovely DDS who are 3 yo and 18 mos. DH wants more. Things are generally comfortable and good. Should we try for a Third or quit here? I am almost 40. TIA.

The "quit whilst you're ahead" did it for me too bk. In fact last night in bed I told dh that I had been considering hard and decided I was happy to stick at two.
However today I went to buy my baby his first pair of proper shoes, and I'd dressed him in a shirt that makes him look very grown up, and when I saw him waddle round the shop looking so proudly down at his feet I had a prickling eye moment and desperately wanted another baby.
I do think that the logical arguemnt is winning at the moment though, especially as, like Twig, I want another baby, but can't think of any decent reasons why a family of 5 would be better than one of 4.

My philosphy is whather not to have no.3 would cause a sense of regret in later years, when it is too late to do anything about it- the 'what if?'. Anyway, thats what persuaded me , and we have 3!
positives - I love being a mum, I love the love they give me, their giggles, and the satifsaction of looking after them.
negatives - noone will have them for the night so we can go out, the constant ferrying around we do, and being in two places at once, finding a bit of quality time for all of them, the house being a tip, the younger two quarrelling (at times, but mostly they are joined at the hip!)
BUT, I certainly wouldn't have just wanted two!
I had a sicky pregnancy with no1, bad bleeding & traumatic birth with no2, but straight sailing with no3, except for sciatica, a varicose vein appeared, and high blood pressure after the birth. I think though my body would be knackered for no 4, but I am broody no more!

fqueenzebra yes I know what you mean, but in a way that's true with 2 as well, or can be.
Certainly I think I do much better than friends with 2 but a bigger gap, where the older one want to do the grown-up stuff but the baby is, well, a baby.
Maybe I'm just bloody-minded! Or maybe now the little one is 2 we can do more.
I was off last week and we had such a great time, playing at the park, doing craft at local museums, a fab MN meet-up - and I do think I managed it quiet well.
Didn't lose any of them anyway, or not for more than 5 minutes

fqz, I worry about that too, but there's only 3yrs 1 month between my oldest ds and my youngest ds (with dd in the middle) so while ds1 starts school this year, ds2 is coming up to two. If ds1 wants to do something more 'grown-up' I reckon a 2 and 3 yr old would be manageable for me - depends what it is really but I've had no problems so far.

To anyone who is thinking of having a 3rd child, go for it!
We have just had our 3rd and it is great, oldest ds is 7 and dd is 5 leaving baby ds at 6 weeks old, He was the surprise out of the 3 and i was really worried about how i would cope, how the kids would cope, but i neednt have worried as the kids are brilliant with the baby and it feels so right having a 3rd. We are over the moon and having experience of babies really makes you feel relaxed and in control.

Do any of you mums of 3 work outside the home? I wonder if I have to give up my part time job. Brainy, do you mind me asking how old are you?

This is making me broody - I have twin dds who are 4.5. I just think it's a big step to start all over again with another, plus the fact I'm terrified of having two again. My doctors believes the chances are 1 in 16 with non-identical trwins . If I could guarantee it would be just the one (and a boy ) I would go for it - would love to see what its like to feed one baby and snuggle up with it instead of quickly winding it and having to sort out he next one

I have three and I work part time. I have to work evenings though, it's not worth it otherwise. It's not too bad, DH gets home about 6pm, we eat and I leave for work at 8pm as he puts the kids to bed. I get home about 1am. I couldn't do more than 3 evening a week though, I'd be exhausted and never see DH!

What do you do Serenity? Sounds tough for those 3 days, but it also sounds as though you are optimizing your time with your children which is is really nice.

Sandyballs, it sounds like you should go for it. The odds are for you.

I work for IKEA, pretty good pay but quite physical. Our branch in Croydon is open until midnight which is why I can do such ridiculous hours

Only 3 more years until DD is in reception and I can find a nice calm term time/day time job and get some sleep.....

Probably shouldn't say that if our finances/living conditions were better I'd be thinking about number 4?!

I love Ikea. How old are yours?

DSs are 7 and 5 and DD is 21mths. I love shopping at IKEA too, that's one of the reasons I applied for a job when they extended their hours........STAFF DISCOUNT

It's nice then - you get some quality time with your DD with the boys in school. I could spend days in Ikea. I just hate putting the furniture together. I'm really bad at it. If I wasn't near 40, I would wait a couple of years before having another, but I don't really feel like I have the luxury of time.

There are advantages for having them quite close together as you've probably seen with your DDs, but as I think other people have said, pushing 40 isn't exactly decrepid old crone age, so waiting a year or 2 wouldn't necessarily hurt. Even if you did get pg now your DD1 would be in Nursery/reception which takes some of the pressure off.

To go back to the comments about 3 restricting your activities, I've never really found that to be a problem. The only thing I really can't do on my own with them is go swimming. You could have these problems with only 2 if you had different sexes or a large age gap.

I feel more content with 3 than I did with 2, maybe I'm just genetically programmed with a large family gene! We put away DDs cot last night (she keeps flinging herself out, safer to get out the junior bed now I think!) and, although it was a little sad, it wasn't the panicky 'Nooooo!' feeling I got when I considered stopping after DS2.

Thanks, Serenity. A friend of mine said that if you don't feel like it's over, then it isn't. I haven't given anything away - cribs, clothes, etc. So I think even though I go back and forth now, I don't really feel like it's over. I do want to wait a few years though, so who knows what will happen in the mean time. Do you feel as though the longer interval was good timing - 3 years apart or would you have wanted more or less time between your DS2 and DD?

I have 3 aged 5,3,1 and I work 4 days a week. that's the only way I survive it I think - 3 weeks into the school holidays now means the older two are around full time and i am a gibbering wreck. mostly i would agree that having 3 is great but just now in the middle of the summer holidays I really feel it's a mistake. I felt it all last summer holidays too. I'm not trying to be negative but actually some mothers of 3 do sometimes feel it is too many! I tend to lose them at the park or beach, and going swimming etc is very scary, from a safety point of view.

Fennel, do you ever wish you had them farther apart? I actually don't know any mums who still work and have 3 children. 4 days is a lot, and I can see why you feel especially so in the summer months.

DS2 was an accident. So much of an accident that I cried buckets when I found out I was pg. DS1 was a very demanding 18mth old (lovely now though!) I love the gap now, they are really close and I'm glad it happened the way it did.

I had a m/c between DS2 and DD so the gap should have been smaller, but not as small iyswim, but once again it worked out OK as DS2 was nicely settled in Nursery when I had DD (and I had christmas off through Maternity leave ) It's working for me. I know people with big age gaps though who like it because it means that they can concentrate on each child as it comes. I like that fact I can throw all mine into a room together and they'll entertain each other whilst I do important things such as cooking or MNing!

Fennel, it does get easier as they get older. I can trust DSs not to run off about 95% of the time now, and I know that DS1 will keep an eye on DS2 (and DD) for me. When they are all 'little' little it can get a bit fraught.

Second what serenity says, though I have even bigger age gaps (dd1 is 10, ds is 6 and dd2 is 20 months).

I work, though self-employed and from home (scientific consultancy) so have more leeway than many working mothers. Yes it is hard work, and I do sometimes think how easy my life would be if I only had the two older ones. But dd2 is a joy (quite a high-maintenance one, admittedly) and I don't regret having her for a minute. I am very tired, though, and do think it gets harder as you get older (I'm 38). But then again, maybe it's harder because I have older kids to deal with as well.

But my GP has strict instructions that if I ever come in asking to have my coil removed, she needs to get me sectioned for my own protection.

I had my third last September when I had just turned 41. My oldest was only 3.5 at the time (there's a 20 month gap between them all). This last year has been really tough but I was so broody after my second that I just had to go for it. I'm really glad we did and number three (ds2) has been such an easy baby.
But I probably won't go back to work for now, although this is maybe due to the ages of dc as dd starts school in Sept. The physical work (again maybe due to my age gaps) has been overwelming at times but we have survived and things are already getting easier.
I've fallen pregnant straight away and had really healthy pregnancies (in fact love being pregnant) so don't feel age has caused me any problems and don't feel excessively tired.

Having said all that if I hadn't felt soooo broody, or a broody level I could cope with, I would have stuck at two as life is practically easier with two -babysitters, cars, activities. But I wanted a 'bigger' family and now feel ready to stop.

Well, I was talking to my mum about that 'wanting another baby' feeling and she told me it never goes away....she's 73

When I read threads like this I am almost pleased that I don't have a choice on this one really, or I'd be right there with you on the 'shall I, shan't I' rollercoaster! My ds's are 3.9 and 21 months and I'd say that about 85% of the time I am very content that they are my lot (both IVF babies and I'm very clear I'm not going for more treatment). I also think that two of the same gender is lovely (yes of course it would be great to have a daughter too, but I'd never go for a third on that basis). I would worry about stretching myself too thinly and also how I would manage to work (which I need to for my sanity and self identity). And yet...we are still open to the (very small) possibility of fate delivering us another miracle. I do feel sad at the thought of not having another baby, but I think that's just biology for you really. I think you only stop feeling like that when yuo've actually got too many for comfort...

Had 2 with husband, after 3rd was born we split. Regardless I would rather have my 3 children and NOT be married than still be with him and only have 2.

I do not regret one bit having three (and ended up being a single mum). Three are definitely easier than just 2 (and my youngest has a condition which gives her special needs).

I knew I always wanted three (after girl and then boy). Still wanted third, regardless of sex. Got a beautiful baby girl who has lots of hopsital appointments, difficulties but is the most adorable 3 year old I could ever wish to habve.

I knew I ALWAYS wanted 3 and do not regret any of it.

Sorry, signed off before I meant to.

I am a single mum of 3, only work part-time. Just came back from a long weekend in Majorca with my boyfriend (children with their father for 2 weeks) and am off to Ibiza on Friday with my boyfriend and the 3 children.

Would be going away whether I had only 2 or the three children. It does not change your standard of living that much (and my children are girl 12, boy 8 and girl 3) so they do not wear hand-me-downs or anything.

If you want it that bad, you can have it and manage it.