Public Tantrums, how exactly do YOU deal with them?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Took dc to shops today, just a pleasant wander around, quick look in the ELC, dd (3)came out dragging a toy she wanted. I said no, she screamed "YESSSSSSS!" at the absolute top of her lungs and then repeated about 10 times, it was the loudest I have ever heard a child scream and tantrum and this was MY child. Every single person in the shopping centre was looking at me some with absolute disgust. I bent down and said to her quietly "we are not moving another step until you stop making that awful noise". She did gradually calm down and then did it again in another shop a few minutes later. Nice lady (if you are MNetter, thank you!) just turned round and smiled at me in a really nice way.

I just wondered how others deal with this. It is the not the first time I have dealt with a childs tantrum of course but it was probably the worst one either of my dc have ever had in public.

I think you dealt with it really well. DD1 has only ever had one tantrum like this in the middle of Sainsburys - the whole lying on the floor, kicking legs screaming thing. I probably didn't deal with it well - just picked her up, left my trolley where it was and went home. Having said that - she never had another one!

My DD has tantrums in public regularly and has done for over a year - she's just 3 now and she is getting better but still has her moments.

I just ignore them as much as I can, but it's not always possible in public especially if she's disturbing other people.

Sometimes I will tell her there will be consequences if she doesn't calm down (ie. no trip to the park afterwards) although in general these don't work and she continues to tantrum and suffers the consequences as a result.

I have also picked her up kicking and screaming and carried her out of the shop / cafe and sat with her until she has calmed down. This worked best but isn't always possible depending where you are...

I would also say you are lucky if your DD has got to age 3 and this is the worst experience you've had. My DD is very 'assertive' and as a result I'm pretty thick-skinned now

People probably weren't looking with disgust, they were just looking, some of them with sympathy, or even relief that it was your turn today, not theirs.

One thing that helps is to genuinely not mind making a scene. I really don't give a stuff who sees my child tantrum and what they might or might not think of me. I think this is important because your child will feed off your emotions and if you are calm and unflustered it really helps.

The first major public one was on the way home from nursery, he threw himself to the floor kicking and screaming. I just sat on a nearby garden wall and played on my phone till he calmed down and approached me apologising. We hugged and never mentioned it again!

The second one was in Sainsburys, again kicking and screaming on the floor. I dragged him out of peoples way and let him calm down, we then hugged and made up and did the shopping.

It helps that I have grown a thick skin in regards to public tantrums, working at ELC for almost 10 years means I have seen more than my fair share, also means I have been able to watch the way people deal with them and find out the best way!

Sounds familiar - DD's worst (she's three and three quarters 'not three and a half not like a baby' ) was when she threw herself on the floor yelling 'I hate you, I'm leaving you, you're not my mummy and I hate you.'

For five minutes. Distraction didn't work, ignoring didn't work, so I flung her over my shoulder and marched out the shop, pushing DS in the buggy, through the centre of town with 'you are NOT my mummy' being yelled at me much to the consternation of other shoppers, through the car park and into her carseat. I then went and sat on the barrier with DS in the buggy and calmed down and gave her five minutes.

We then pretended it never happened and carried on with our day.

Weirdly she never did this again - it was a one time thing and preceded a bad cold so I think maybe she was feeling ropey.

But sympathies, it's not easy, sounds like you handled it really well.

Oh I must admit I have dealt with a few tantrums in my time but this was unbelievable, I honestly never heard a child scream so loud and for so long. I just looked at her like this and said what I said. I found it easier to stop looking at other people as well, just pretended they weren't there.

I do think it is best to just ignore if at all possible, though obviously if in a restaurant or something you have to remove them.

My Mum told me proudly that she used to say "Go Away little Girl and find your Mummy" when me and my sister did this when small so people wouldn't realise we were hers. Apparently it used to send me nuts . Can you imagine how unsafe that must have made us feel? I think I sort of remember it as well, but the feelings rather than the actual events.

Phew, no wonder I have documented MH issues.

DS had a bit of a day today while we were shopping (and he isn't normally a tantrummer). As I was carrying him, screaming through the town centre, lots of mums looked and gave me a little smile of support which was lovely. We eventually got back to the car, and he calmed down there - think it was just too hot and yukky today

DD2 has thrown some humdingers in public

I ignore while she follows me around screaming/wailing/shouting/whatever

(WHY do they always do it in a shop?!?)

I tend to say at the beginning of one: I will talk to you about it when you have stopped scraming/wailing/shouting/whatever (she is nearly 4!) I will ignore you all the time you are screaming at me

If this fails and it goes on and on, I drag lead her out in a no nonsense way much to the delight/horror of my co-shoppers

Numerous abandoned shopping trolleys in my local Sainsbury's

I now internet shop

My 8!! yr old DD1 had a proper teary foot stamping tantrum in the park today when I said we had to leave the paddling pool and go home (some of her school friends were there). She even had streaming snot like that woman in Truly Madly Deeply. I told her I was going to take a photo on my phone and send it to my friends if she didn't stop. She stopped

(it is a lovely paddling pool, surrounded by wisteria and honeysuckle and sunburned townies)

This happens to us usually at least once a day....often more and my child is now 5.

She's done it since birth!

I've always ignored them, it hasn't made a scrap of difference....but they have shortened in time. I remember when I once got called into school because she had a paddy lasting 2 hours!!! Now 20 minutes would be a bad one.

Supermarkets and crowded places are not good, neither are public toilets due to noisy hand dryers (so pleased when she finally started talking so she could tell me they hurt her ears). There are whole lists of places I try to avoid.

I think you develop a thick skin and a natural avoidance of the elderly. My recent tantrum experiences include:

1. DD rolling around on the floor in the market, no-one around, and an old woman came marching across giving me the evil eye and then claimed that my child had tripped her up.

1. Old woman on metrolink telling me that there was nothing wrong with my daughter that a damn good hiding wouldn't sort out. She wasn't very impressed when I suggested likewise to her good self.

1. Old man deliberately walking into her while she was having a very indigo moment (she had in fact turned into a blueberry)... meant that she kicked him.

I suppose I could be more polite to the elderly but they get their own back every Wednesday by trying to run me over with their mobility scooters.

I often 'lead' my child out of supermarkets, shops, wherever... or pick up screaming and kicking child from middle of road to accusations of child abuse/neglect etc. Rule 1 of parenting means that if you upset everybody else, then you must be doing it right!

My child too would like a new mummy. She tells me she is prepared to pay £25 for one and that yellow hair would be good.

If you have yellow hair....