DS will not do anything I ask, will not listen

[whatname]

and it's driving me insane.
don't even have time to write it all down.
But everything I suggest is NO. followed by a big paddy.
It's been going on for far too long, and I have tried lots of things. We are now ignoring it.
I have had one tiny success, yesterday when he picked up some grapes he had thrown on the floor.
He is 2.8.
He is gorgeous, affectionate and just lovely when he is getting his own way.

He still has on the tshirt that he wore yesterday, wouldnt take it off for bed last night or this morning.
i am physically and mentally exhausted and feel like no-one understands

Hello there
when my DS started to really test his boundaries at around 2.5 I started the "we do not throw food. If you do not pick up those grapes I will take away one of your cars" routine. We went for the down-to-eye-level stern voice approach. I would always give him a second chance ie. "I am not going to ask you again..." and then repeat the threat. It worked wonders.

Be prepared for a few serious tantrums when you do take the car away (or whatever it is).

I really felt like i had failed as a mama by resorting to taking his things away but then remembered that I would have been slapped instead at that age and give me the loss of a car over resorting to violence any day.

Make sure you pick your battles though. I found that starting with the big issues had a knock on effect when he started to realise that there were consequences to his actions.

Good luck x

thanks lallyp
i honestly feel like I have tried everything.
I always get down to his level to tell him that its naughty, or not to do it, or pick it up.
yesterday i threatened that he was going to bed if he didnt pick up the grapes.. and he picked them up. But he had previously thrown about 4 plates of food or snack on the floor.not thrown, just dropped, like "dont want that, drop it"
he just had a big paddy cos I sat in the wrong place on the couch!! what is going through his mind?!!
and now he has started having a fit in the car if we go the "wrong" way. ie not where he wants to go. He is recognising roads!
he now has no clothes on( we have been in the paddling pool) and the thought of getting him dressed is just so daunting!!

Hi whatname, I had this with DS1. It is EXHAUSTING and depressing and draining and upsetting and frustrating... Ugh.

Please don't give up, or start gnoring things. Please don't - i got so fed up with DS1 doing this that I just gave up and it went from bad to worse.

With Ds2, who was 2 in Feb, I use the "naughty chair". Two warnings then he has to sit there for 1 minute. It works.

It gets better but not unless you keep going with the discipline, and consistency.

I think at 2y/o they start wanting more "control" so give him more choices, that don't matter to you. IE, we re getting dressed now, do you want to wear the red T-shirt or the blue T-shirt? We are having lunch now. Do you want the blue plate or th green one? Etc.

Does he have a big-boy dinner plate? IE, a china one like you and his Dad use? Give him one and say it's a big-boy plate for a big boy. Then if he chucks food, say "If you throw food you won't get a big-boy plate". (Don't say this when you first give him the plate, though! Only say it if he throws stuff.)

Hang in there! Only another 15 years and 4 months to go till university!

i have this with dd1 2.5 too. even down to sitting in the wrong place on the sofa. i realised we were giving in to her too much and she was ruling the roost because we were 'afraid' of the tantrum that would ensue. now i too pick my battles, but if i pick one, i blimin well stick with it!! she will not win! i ask her to do something then warn her that i am going to tell her to do it and if she still ignores me i will put her in her room - then if she still ignores/disobeys, she goes into her room for a min or 2 - the chair doesn't work for us as she wont stay in it so i physically hold her door shut whilst she has a paddy - it might not be right but it seems to work she usually comes out remorseful and does what is asked of her. i do think kids like this respond better to strict discipline - it's like they want to know what the boundaries are and painful as it is it's our job to enforce that. oh, and LOTS of praise when they do something first time etc. i'm not saying i've cracked it by any means but i THINK it's getting a bit better!!!

hi Beautiful,
tried the naughty chair, I thought he was too young but it seemed to be working,if only for a timeout! in fact it was the only thing he would do, go and sit on the naughty step.
But he's too clever now, he either doesn't stay on it, or gets straight off and says sorry mummy.
I'm not ignoring anything major, it was a suggestion of the nursery that if he was attention seeking, if I didn't give as much attention to the naughty behaviour and praised the good behaviour it might help.
he still gets told off consistently for everything he does that I think is unacceptable, and my tolerance level is high, I am picking my battles, DH thinks I am too soft, but I am not going to fight if he wants orange socks, but I will tell him off if he hits the tv, e.g.

a bit worried about the bigboy dinner plate... might turn into a greek plate smashing night!!!

food is a whole other story!

I could have written your post, OP. I am going through the same thing at the moment. This week I am trying stickers! DS doesn't do anything I want him to like eat breakfast, get in his car seat, get dressed etc everything is a battle. Last night we had 45 minutes tantruming because I took him out of the bath and that was after a five minute countdown etc. I am constantly justifying his behaviour by saying he's tired, or it's because I'm working, but I know it is his age and just a phase. I remember his sister going through the same thing, well similar anyway, and I had forgotten how bad it was until I made myself remember.

The sticker thing is in early infancy, and I imagine it will work for a while, and thereafter I'll need to come up with something else, until one day, we shall all wake up and peace will reign. Here's hoping!

Time out/naughty chair is really effective, it sounds really mean but when DS wouldn't eat his breakfast this morning I simply mentioned the naughty chair, then he just gobbled it all up, so sometimes its just a big power struggle with these toddlers!

My Ds will not stay on the thinking step and I have given up trying to make him. He sees that as a great game!

After months of her "NO THANKS" OR "MUMMY YOU DO IT OK!" I tried everything the stool, the mat, the naughty step etc, I managed to get my DD1 (nearly 3) to help me with things by making up a chart with a few things to do each day (monday to friday) I would give a star for every day she'd help by doing things for me that was on there and if her chart was full on the sat morning then she would have a reward for helping mummy.
Before that the only thing that got her moving was "would you like me to count? Ok here goes...ONE...!!" and I never passed it lol she would jump up and do it but I knew there would be a much more rewarding way for her to help and learn to do stuff so the chart was a good idea. I asked a few people about how they got their children to help out and 5 people said that they saw on tv that someone was using a chart so they tried it and have kept doing it with their other children too. Anything was worth a try esp as at the time I had a 2 month old who was very ill and was up until she was 3 months she's now almost 1 and the chart is still working wonders.

After a shocking day yesterday, and lots of tears, we have started a star chart today.
He has already got dressed nicely, ate his breakfast nicely and helped mummy and daddy in the garden, so he has 3 stars!
Fingers crossed this helps