How long is it ok to let baby cry for? Scared to leave the house

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I never let baby cry alone for more than a minute or so, but last week took dd (7 weeks) to baby clinic, 30min walk away, she grizzled and cried the whole way in the sling, and I felt so guilty and horrible about it (she was hungry btw) - I've not left the house with her since as it is impossible to meet her needs when I'm on the move/ have an appointment to get to. I know I'm being a PFB parent but I really can't handle her crying.

I'm also hyperaware (paranoid) about everyone else judging me. Baby clinic was v busy and I rolled up all hot and sweaty with dd in sling, in stark contrast to all the yummy mummies in their cool white linen and Bugaboos. Their offspring were all smiles and gurgles and giggles while dd screamed like a banshee. And then I very unsubtly whipped out a boob Was mortified and traumatised and can't face going back.

I know I don't need to go, and that's fine but I know I need to start taking dd out and that thought terrifies me. Theres a really good bf group I would love to go to, but again is 30min walk away, and I would need to meet people But I can't bear making dd unhappy for those 30mins

It's not the sling If she's feeling fractious she gets a LOT worse when you take her out of sling - mostly she goes right to sleep as soon as she is in sling

My dd was about 7 weeks old 3 years ago. It was hot, I didn't drive, had places to go (osteopath for dd, GP for me, clinic etc). I remember vividly sitting on a bench outside a very undesirable pub with dd screaming for food, me trying to feed in a wrap sling (never managed it), tears running down my face, hot, exhausted, fed up and feeling like the whole world was judging me. Ditto clinics with slim, beautiful women and gurgling happy babies and me sweating, huffing, crying and invariably bfing the world's hungriest baby. Or the days stuck in a traffic jam with dh in the driver's seat and me in the back hanging over the carseat trying to bfeed a fractious, hot baby.

I know now in retrospect that it was normal. Those women I thought where together and perfect probably had similar moments. MN taught me that everybody feels this way at some point and that all you ever have to be is good enough for your baby.

If I ever have another I am determined to crack feeding in a sling. I never, ever managed it.

make sure, when you meet someone you get on with, even for a quick chat, you get their tel number. i moved here and immediately got pregnant with dd2 and no family support.

i had to be very proactive at setting up a support network but 2 years on have a lovely circle of mutually supportive friends.

it makes all the difference.

and you'll get used to the crying. it's unrealistic to expect a baby not to have a wail now and again. and the women in linen with bugaboos are no doubt having problems of their own but not as apparent as a screaming baby.

Well, have bottled out of going out today (looks like rain is my excuse). Going to doctors tomorrow and will have DP as backup (and chauffeur ). Will see how that goes.

Am determined to get out of the house but am stressing a bit less now. There will come a point when my need to get out is greater than my fear, and I'll go then. Until then I'm taking the easy option and staying at home

I do get out regularly BTW - just not with dd. I dump her on DP for half an hour and go for a run which is such a great break

do you have a pushchair? Sometimes, though being in a sling is nice for closeness, in hot weather it can make it worse. With a pushchair you have a bit of space and air and you can have a drink, tissues, you can hang the changing bag off it etc.

sending general ((hugs)) and good thoughts!

I agree with the others. Get out, even if it is just for a walk or to go to the bf group.

Let go of your time plan and go when she is settled.

Are you naturally a very punctual person? That does take getting used to.

I found that cobblestones and a pram were great for getting DD to settle. I was the slightly frantic looking woman walking up and down the high street hissing at passing trams for being too loud and almost waking baby.

Have you tried expressing too? Maybe if you're struggling to feed in the sling you can offer a bottle of ebm when out and about and unable to stop.

lol at MmeLindt, and yes I am v punctual. Always precisely 10mins early for any appointment.

ShowofHands: I hadn't even thought of that! I might give it a bash even though expressing seems such a faff - I have all the kit still in nicely cellophane wrapped boxes

Trixie: no pushchair - can't afford one I think Hoping the hot weather goes away! Having said that I think the hot sweaty uncomfortableness was more due to mine and babies stress levels than the sling. When she was asleep in the sling for half an hour we were both an ok temperature, despite it being hotter outside

Ok, give up - just for the first year - the idea that you have to be 10 mins early for an appointment.

It is just not doable. Your baby will undoubtedly decide to fill her nappy or puke over you just as you are ready to leave the house. If you get stressed about it then it changes nothing. You will still be late, but you will also be stressed and upset.

Give yourself some leeway. And if you cannot do that then work an extra half hour into your schedule.

I found a pram really good for getting somewhere fast. Perhaps you could look on the for sale boards here, or on eBay. There are loads of good deals out there.

Oh gosh don't worry about being late! It's practically compulsory when you have a new baby

It's more important to feed your baby than to be on time. It's really hard to go from being a punctual person to one that gets there when you get there, but give it more time and it will all settle down.

I would consider if the sling is too hot in this weather, i had dd in the heatwave of 2006 and she used to cry to be held, then cry because she was too hot next to me, then cry because she wasnt next to me and wanted me to hold her (was pretty exhausting!)

I had a very padded baby bjorn and that could be stifling hot, and a black wrap that wasnt that much better but there are cooler slings maybe ask on slings board?

Alternatively check freecyle for a pram/pushchair. A fully reclining buggy with a sheepskin liner will do fine, it doesnt have to be a 'super pram'

And truely dont worry about feeling inferior to other mums, even the ones with the cherub babies will go through tough stages, their toddlers will be terrors/potty training will be a nightmare or whatever. Each child is diferent but they all have tricky stages!

Second what Littleducks" said about pushchair. You really will find it tough without one if you have 30min walks everywhere - they get big and heavy very quickly. (babies, not pushchairs)
Do check on freecycle and ebay etc, maybe even on here.. there might be someone close to you who is looking to get shot of one maybe

yy, the sling could be far too hot at this time of year. Bear in mind that in a pram, she might be wearing a little sleepsuit job (poss. with short sleeves and legs ) or indeed nothing but her nappy and a little vest, with a thin blanket (which you can easily add to or remove as needed), have the benefit of any breeze around her, and be shaded. In a sling she'll not have the ventilation, and will have to share your warmth as well as hers.

No need to spend £££ on a pram btw. A lie flat buggy will suffice, although I did like having a "proper" pram for the first few months.

A quick look on Gumtree found this for £20. Of course it will take up some space in your hallway, and be rubbish for putting in the car but you could use it for a few months and sell it on.

I second SoH's expressing suggestion, it can really relax you to have some EBM on hand for situations like these.

I have a seven-week old as well (my second) and have learned that expressing most mornings is worth it; I try to do a couple of ounces which I then stick in the freezer (or fridge if I plan to use it soon). It will be really handy for situations where we're going somewhere and might not find a comfortable place to BF; I used to do this with my first baby when he got big, strong and wriggly and feeding him anywhere other than our bed was physically quite challenging.

Hi,

Just reading message and I see you have said "MN local boards for Glasgow". First time mum and new to site can you tell me what this is as I am from Glasgow as well.

Thanks

i'm also from glasgow! i'm having problems with my little bundle of joy! although its not while out in sling or pram evening time when she should be going down.

I have had three DC's and still feel that everyone is looking at me when one of them is crying and that everyone else's are angels! A crying baby is so stressful! Find someone else with a crying baby too - I remember going to a coffee shop with a friend, finding a quiet corner, standing there bouncing baby in a sling while my friend and I pretended to carry on a conversation while in reality neither of us could hear what the other was saying - when I got home, I felt a bit more human!!

carolcc if you click the Talk link towards the top of the page, you'll see a list of forum areas (Education, Being a Parent etc) - one of these is Mumsnet Local - click on that and you should see Glasgow.
But heres the link anyway

carolcc if you click the Talk link towards the top of the page, you'll see a list of forum areas (Education, Being a Parent etc) - one of these is Mumsnet Local - click on that and you should see Glasgow.
But heres the link anyway

Itsallgoingtobefine - ignore all the women with smart bugaboos. The HV will have seen plenty of crying babies before. DS2 screamed for Scotland for the first month of his life and even after, would only settle with my boob in his mouth. I know you say you feel uncomfortable feeding but from personal experience, I never had any comments about BFing. Also the only place I ever felt uncomfortable was when we were back in England.

Have you thought about the local breastfeeding group? Where abouts in Glasgow are you? I'm on the Southside.

Come to a Glasgow meet - I will happily sit a cuddle little one...have done for many MN. Pram might help - not sure what type of sling you have - maybe baby can see more from pram? If baby is fed, changed and safe then walk in pram and head phones in for a bit - fresh airs great for settling babies and gives you some space. I HATE being cooped up inside with little ones, I get cabin fever, I find they are so much easier to look after when out and about.