Do you think children need to go to playgroups before school?

[Bodenbabe]

I took DD to various playgroups before she went to the nursery which is attached to her school so she had a lot of experience with social situations before nursery (nursery started at 3.5, btw and was a school situation, not a daycare srt of nursery). I mainly took her because I wanted to get out, not because I thought she needed to.

With DS (2.7) I don't feel any need to go to playgroups but I am wondering if I ought to take him. He doesn't really have any friends that he plays with and rarely spends time with other children his own age, so when he does he is unsure how to behave and can be quite aggressive (though not in a physical way). I've always thought that there's plenty of time for him to learn how to socialise when he gets to nursery but I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing him a disservice with this opinion. I imagine that he will struggle more than his classmates when he does start nursery, as I'd imagine that most of them have been to some kind of playgroup by that age.

Thoughts?

Why do you not want to take him?

Not everybody on here will agree but personally I think you've already answered your own question, really.

Is there a pre-school that feeds into the primary school that he may be going to?
I would send him for a couple of sessions a week, at least he will get to play with other kids, new toys and eventualy make friends with his peers who will start reception with him.

I think it's nice to go to a playgroup or two as he gets the opportunity to learn how to deal with other children while you are there, especially if he can tend to be aggressive.

I think it's good for children to have a chance to learn to get on with a group of children their own age, whether that's in a playgroup or elsewhere. If he's not having that opportunity in other ways, then a playgroup session would probably be a good experience for him, and help him settle quicker at the nursery when the time comes.

how about mums and toddlers?
he does need to socialise.

Do you mean playgroups where you leave him or where you stay and chat with other mothers while he plays?

If the former, then he is still quite young so no need to send him.

If the latter then by what you are describing it might be a good idea to get him used to socialising with other children. If you're not keen on playgroups you could go for a while, try and make friends with other parents with similar aged children and then start meeting up with them on a one-to-one or small group situation.

or tumble tots?

I don't think it's essential, there is no one "good" way to do things with a toddler IMO

but socialising with other children and learning to enjoy playing with them is something I would want to do at this age, one way or another

it doesn't have to be playgroups

I hated dreary mother and toddler groups of the "pile of second hand toys in a church hall with disconsolate women sitting round the edge on plastic chairs sipping horrible coffee" variety, and wouldn't go to them if I had another baby

So he is going to nursery when he is 3? I and my DD hated mum&toddler groups won't be inflicting them on DS. DD settled without a tear at pre-school. However, with my DD I did a few classes of the tumble tot/music variety. I think socialisation is overestimated, mainly to "justify" sending children to nursery when tiny.

i must admit when i opened this i thought you meant socialising before school, and now see you mean socialising before nursery, in which case, i really have no idea, what ever makes you both happy

I think it would benefit him to be around other children, if you dont want to do groups then atleast just meet up with other mums and children similar age, parks, library.. so he is atleast getting some exposure to other children and chance to interact. they don't have to go in groups every single day if you dont want to and they dont seem bothered by not going, although a lot of people do go every day or pretty much every day so if he never goes to anything and all the other children are used to doing activities and mixing with children daily then there may be some difference there? but im sure he would get used to it and fit in.
I'm presuming you dont just keep him at home all the time every day though? you do go out and do somethings??

I think firstborns often need playgroups more than younger siblings, by virtue of the fact that older siblings provide company/social life/friends to younger siblings.

In general, I think children ought to be in some kind of group situation on a regular basis from around 3 years old. But it depends hugely on your circumstances.

I think some kind of playgroup while you're with him would be a good introduction to nursery. Otherwise it's going to be quite hard for him to adapt to interacting with other children and you not being there all at the same time. And it will also give you a chance to teach him how to behave better around other children rather than leaving that to the nursery staff

I would leave it until nursery.
He will be older and perhaps at that point he will be better at coping with lots of children.
One of mine went to playgroup for a while and then didn't want to go. Cried going. I persevered for a while and then stopped taking her. She still settled into nursery very quickly.
Your ds has an older sibling so it's not as though he will have everything his own way all the time.
Nursery is soon enough for some imo. Sometimes still too soon for some children.
I wouldn't fret too much about it. Try the toddler groups now and again where you can stay and watch him. That way you can be there to guide him and at the same time be guided by him.

I think that DC2s sometimes miss out-they don't get what DC1 gets.I would treat him as a first and make the effort.

Sometimes dc2s are lucky in not getting what dc1s got
Just thinking how our eldest got the novice neurotic novice parents and the subsequent children got parents who were somewhat more relaxed.

Obviously we were very inexperienced

Very true juuule! However sometimes you can get in the position where poor DC2 just gets car journeys and sitting around waiting for DC1. It is nice to treat them as if they were the first and give them individual attention, where no one knows they are DC1's brother or sister.

I agree with Bonsoir. I took DD1 to various structured groups from 6 months until she started preschool at age 4. She took to school like a duck to water and has never looked back. She begged to go at 3, but I thought we would all regret it. Silly me . The next 2 DCs went to structured playgroups, gym and swim, art, etc., beginning at about 2. The youngest 2 were socialised by their older siblings and all their friends. They all started pre-school at 4 and got on fine, even screechy DD3, who had to be carried bodily up the stairs to her classroom for the first week, protesting loudly.

I don't think anything can really speed up a toddler's social development except parents who are taking the trouble to teach acceptable behaviour at home in the family, with the family's friends and pets, and in the playground. Playgroups are not magic, and can actually have a negative effect if a child is exposed to children whose parents are more 'hands-off', so to speak, and sadly there are quite a few of them, ime. There's no hurry, and children are often very ready in the natural course of their development to behave as expected in a school setting at 4, as long as they have been consistently brought up to have manners.

I wouldn't leave it beyond 4 though, to start spending time apart from parents/caregivers. DD4 has a little friend who led quite an isolated life with her GPs, no siblings, not even speaking English, until she started school at age 5.5, and she had a rough time learning how to play. She learned English very quickly, but give and take with the other children is still difficult for her.

I think it ia a myth that children need to socialise before the age of 3. My ds has gone to playgroup from the age of three, but mainly because I had just had another baby when he turned three and I did enjoy getting a bit of a break. He probably would have been just fine waiting until pre-school because he plays a lot with the other children in our street.

My ds had never been to nursery or toddler groups before that and he settled fine. However it is only now at aged 4 he is really starting to make friends and understand that concept. Children will often demonstrate parallel play at younger ages but I did slightly resent some comments about my ds losing out on the social world of nursery when he was barely two. Children do not need daycare at that age for socialisation purposes, it is so that parents can work.

I have no issues with that and I am not judging - however I have often been met with bemused, judgemental tones about how much my ds was at home with me or family.

My dd is one and she will go to less 'groups' as she has her brother and his friends to watch and eventually play with.

It is personal choice and each to their own but i would not worry about your ds social life. It will come.

Thanks for your responses, everybody!

Ripeberry, yes, the nursery he will be going to somewhere between age 3-4 feeds into this primary school - it's actually on the school grounds. I will definitely be sending him there, it's just before then that I wondered if it mattered that he wasn't seeing many other children.

Strandedatsea, I meant playgroups where I stay with him. He is much too young to be left by himself at the moment.

Mamsnet, I'm just not into the whole playgroup scene.

Firawla, yes we don't just stay at home all day! We go to a Mums & Tots drama group but there isn't really any interaction with other children there. Although, actually we also go to tumble tots which I suppose counts - you know I honestly hadn't thought of that! He does have to learn to share equipment and so on there. I guess once or twice a fortnight is better than nothing then!

Ladybiscuit, you make a very good point about him learning how to find his way whilst I'm there to guide him. At nursery, I won't be there to help him, will I? Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. That does make me feel I ought to do more social things with him.

I don't wish to sound like a boastful mummy but one problem we have is that he is very advanced intellectually (and vocally!) and most children he meets of his own age aren't talking clearly or can't repsond to him in the way he wants so he doesn't really understand them and just looks at me and asks "why aren't they answering me, Mummy?" so he tends to give up on them.

Really need some advice. Been taking my 11month old to playgroup for a few months now. Everything was fine until recently when the other kids her age started to be aggressive with her. Snatching Everything she picked up off her to the point where she started to get upset. The other mums thought this was amusing and I feel really angry about this. They didn't even attempt to stop their children from doing this and I think that's very wrong. My daughter has the basic concept of sharing and I don't want this to be lost. Do I find another playgroup where the mums are more on my level of parenting or stick it out? Don't want my daughter being upset but then again don't want her to miss out.

I would take him. Even though they will not be ‘playing’ with other children at that age they get used to being around them. They get used to the noise and bustle of the groups and they also get a change of scenery and new toys to play with.

@Newmamfeb2021 - find a new playgroup and also start a new thread. This one is nearly 12 years old. The OP’s son will be doing his GCSEs soon.

Sorry I'm very new to this. Thought I had started a new thread