I'm being a horrible mummy

[wonka]

I don't know how to get out of this cycle of shouting at them.. I'm being a kill joy and I could sometimes bite my own tongue off. I seem to have forgotten everything I learned on my positive parenting course. What is wrong with me. They are very good, busy, funny lively little children. Years ago when my first was born I decided not to smack for many reasons not least is that I'm quick tempered. But just at this minute I think my shouting is just as horrible! Help me think of some stratigies before all they remember of me when they grow up is fish wife I'm rapidly becoming.

Are you repeating how your mum was with you? The thing about always shouting is that it quickly loses it's impact and you have to shout even louder to get them to notice you, so it's a vicious cycle for all of you. When you're cross with them, take a deep breath and a moment to think what you're going to say. It's fine to shout out in fear if they're doing something dangerous, but otherwise you can give yourself a moment to think. Then really try to pitch your voice as low and calm as you can. Also, try to speak in a simple way rather than bombarding them with loads of words. Work out what it is you want from them and say it in a calm, authoritative way. And don't forget to give them lots of attention for the good things they do.

My mum was a smacker not a shouter..
I am trying they are fantastic little boys. They just seem to only do things at them moment when I shout, I think I'm just trying to do too much and I'm too tired to do my most important job well

Yes, see what you can ditch. Do the bare minimum and get as much rest as you can.

I'm quick-tempered and prone to losing it suddenly, too. At the moment I'm having a bit of success (DD is 3) with "OK, I'm getting angry, I'm getting frustrated, and if you go on doing this I'm going to shout." I don't see it as a threat so much as an accurate description and an attempt both to keep myself calm and to get it over to DD that this is what happens when you push people's buttons. I think it's quite important to let them know that people get angry when irritated.

That said, I still worry that I'm too shouty.

There's a film crew in your house recording you as some Fly on the Wall documentary thing. The presenter is Kirstie Allsop. They're there all the time - like Big Brother.

This does work - let it pop into your head whenever you start to lose it. You're being watched, and judged.

And just try to have a laugh with them - even if you're faking it to being with, soon you won't have to. You're out of the habit, that's all. Can you spend some time with each DC on their own? They're always nicer on their own - you re-bond, and it helps.

Ah Hassled that's lovely!

Not sure what my DD thinks is going to happen when I say, I'm going to count to five....

But whatever the fear is in her it worked everytime. Now she is just proud that she can do whatever it is I ask of her before I even get to one.... cos she is such a good girl, so fast that I can't even count. Blah, Blah .....

Are you getting outnabout with them? I find myself more irritable when in the house as I am trying to entertain/control them and do the housework. when you get out, its just about you and them and much more enjoyable! Plus you feel like a good mummy rather than a horrible mummy. Trust me, I have been there. My hormones definitely play a huge role as I am definitely more snappy at certain times of the month.