At what point would you call social services?

[Luxmum]

I'm soo so torn here. A friend and neighbour mistreats her children. Well, she expects such high standards of behaviour off them that if they misbehave (ie, act like a child - cry because they dont have a toy someone else has, or if they hide said toy when they get it to stop others use it) she either slaps their faces, or (yesterday) called her 4YO boy a prick. I was gobsmacked.I am worried that if she does this in public, what does she do at home, And I am worried that prick is not her word, IYSWIM, it's a British word,and came from her British husband. So clearly both parents feel it's ok to swear horrifically at their children. She raised her hand to the boy in the playground to grab something off him, and his instinct was to cower and cover his head with his arms. Whilst this is obviously horrific behaviour, is it enough to call social services (hiting your child isnt illegal in this country)or is trying to talk to her the only thing I can do? They are clean, well fed, she obviously loves them, but she is just so ANGRY at them, it's shocking, how she overreacts.I never guessed parenting would be to difficult. I'm so so worried, shes about to have another child, which will only make the family situation more strained.Babies are hard work.

Hi, 'm not sure i can be of a much help but i also couldn't read and run.

This sounds like awful behaviour and yes it probably is worse at home but it's a tricky situation.

You could try talking to her, but do this with caution as it's really not likely to go down very well. In fact you might get a rather agresseive response (bearing in mind what she is like with the children).

I wonder of anyone else in a professional capacity eg nursery teacher (if 4yo goes to one?) has noticed. They are much better equipped to deal with these things IMO.

IME I doubt that SS would do very much based on what you have said. I've seen them 'not take action' before in cases where me or colleagues thought they would, simply because cases need to meet certain criteria for them to take them on. As the children are generally cared for (clean, well fed etc) I doubt this will happen, sad though it is. You could try calling tho - it doesn't hurt to try.

Sorry, as I say I probably haven't been much use, but I sympathise with you as this is awful to witness and feel so utterly helpless to do anything.

There's no harm in ringing anonymously for advice.

im thinking about doing that myself, my neighbour,has a garden at same level as our communal garden, when i have my windows open i can hear the way she speaks to her dd, other day she called her little bitch, and dont f*ing do that.. its just awfull... her ds is about 2and i think its out of order,
i never spoke to that woman and not being funny wouldnt like to..i dont want to judge her but her front garden is a state and she& her dh look like unwashed slobs
mabye there are some courses ss can send the on..

Luxmum, having just done a child protection overview course, one thing that came out is that it is against the law to hit a child around the head.

Personally, I would either speak to the school or Social Services (and I dont say that lightly). As you say, what else is going on at home?

Thanks for the advice. I really think she needs some councelling or something, I know her own childhood was worse with a neglectful mother, but after what she told me, I thougt she would try to rear hers differently, not follow the same lines of abuse.. It's very sad. I will try to talkto her first, and another friend will be raising it the school, as we are both worried as hell for the children, who unsurprisingly are becoming very violent themselves. Thanks again for listening.

If she hits her child round the head in public, I'd report her.

It is dangerous to hit your kids round the head and if she doesn't know that, then she needs to be told, by someone she is obliged to listen to.

If the child flinches when she makes a sudden movement towards or around him and you have seen her hit him around the head (which like HB says, is dangerous) - then it is time to call for advice. She may very well need some help and support.

Social Services won't come and whip the kids away. She can access lots of help through them.