premature baby blues

[pastmaster]

Wondering if anyone else is/has experienced this or has any advise. DS2 was born five weeks prem. He was in good health and we were able to establish feeding within four days after birth, so was allowed home. Its now 11 weeks later, and I still feel like I'm handling a newborn baby. I don't feel like we are making any progress in regards to development and life is not feeling any easier. He is extremely sensitive to his surroundings, to the point where I have now had to give up going to the supermarket as I can't cope with the screaming. Any little things knocks him off his naps and I am left with an overtired, distraught, often incolsolable baby. He doesn't sleep well in the car or his pram either, so I can't "cheat" in this way.
I don't know how much of this is due to his premature birth or whether it is just him. Feeling really low about it all today.

I know how you feel-my ds2 was 4 week early and things were very hard for about 6 months, I had him in a sling most of the day and pretty much breast fed continually.
It got easier tho now ds2 is almost 4 and now I have ds3 in the mix as well1

I had an 8 weeks prem who came home after 6 weeks ie before she should have been born at all!!

You have to remember that your child is only actually 6 weeks old IYSWIM so you should not be thinking about developmental stages etc - any 6 week old baby might be like this.

You don't say what the birth weight was but if he is small even taking into account the prematurity then he will need feeding far more often (we were on every 1.5 hours for weeks on end - she weighed 4.5lbs when she came home...)

The biggest impact I had was that I felt I had not bonded with her at all as I had with the first and maybe this is the source of your low feelings as well as all the other stuff? It is really hard especially as it is your second as you have to take into account the impact the arrival of the baby has had on your DS1.

It does get better so hang in there - but I guess my main message is that you do need to take into account the early arrival for quite a long time

Willali - he weighed 5lb at birth, but dropped to 4lb 8oz in first 5 days. Also had a prolonged bout of jaundice to deal with. Feeding typically occurs between 2 and 3 hrs. Think I'm just having a bit of a blue day, he will not settle to sleep today no matter what I do and I'm knackered. I do feel quite abandoned by medical services, health visitors not been for some five weeks or so now. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

Hi there, my DD wasn't premature, in fact she was a week late, but she was very sick and spent a fair bit of time in the Neonatal unit. She's always been a sensitive, touchy child who even now, a 2.9 years, is so sensitive to noise, new situations and people.

I chatted to her playleader from 2s group about her sensitivity. She told me she was actually interested in researching the effects of neonatal units on babes as many "sensitive" children that have passed through her care has been in the neonatal unit. She wonders if the noise in the units from the alarms, and the constant to-ing and fro-ing of staff, and all the nasty procedures preconditions the kiddies to be sensitive to noise and the unfamiliar.

We did avoid stressful situations and known triggers when DD was young as the hassle wasn't worth it. All my mum friends had easy going, healthy babies so didn't understand what it was like. Now that DD is older, we do take her into different situations and in the main, she's getting better. However, we do have occasional times when the noise and chaos of her groups just gets too much and she crumbles.

I would say, just go with what works for babe just now. He's only little, and getting used to life. Your HV should be there to support you, so if you are feeling low and worried about how to cope, give her a call.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to say that we'd been there too and whilst DD is still a sensitive child, she's learning to cope and so are we!

Have you got a branch of HoneStart near you? They may be a source of guidance or a Sure Start centre may be able to help. Please don't battle through on your own there is lots of help out there if you need some support.

We were also told about effects of being in SCBU ie being woken regularly and it never being dark etc. don't know if there is anything in it but certainly sleeping regularly took a whole lot longer with the prem baby!!

She is now a gorgeous and talented 9 year old. Believe me when I say you will look back one day and realise this awful time doesn't actually take much time at all altho I know it feels like it!!

Maybe an osteopath could help? Maybe worth a try. Ds1 was 6 wks prem, 3lb6. He was in SCBU for 4.5wks. I had a nightmare when we got home, he fed allllll the time, it was the only thing that would keep him happy. He screamed every time I changed his nappy/clothes/bathed him, basically anything apart fom bf. My dh would push the pram around town and I would try and console baby carrying him. He would only sleep on us etc. I took him to the osteopath on the off chance and I'm not exaggerating but he became a different baby overnight?! She said lots but one thing I do remember is something about prem babies having a very tight diaphgram (spelling??), the osteopath loosened it, and other things. She said to go back for 2 more appointments but I didn't feel he any problems after the 1st appointment so i didn't bother. I could change his nappy/dress him/bath him etc etc and he loved it all - very strange I kno, but maybe worth a go?

Just wanted to say my DS was 5 weeks prem too and I felt exactly like this - you get the sleepless newborn phase for longer than other people with term babies and it is really hard work
As others have said we also found that he took ages for his sleep to settle down... it is really hard work.
The only thing that made any difference was getting a cleaner as that freed me up to have the odd sit down (not that I am a neat freak we are talking basic household hygeine!!), and online shopping also bought me a bit of time.
I did feel low and isolated for ages as people from antenatal were at a different stage to me classes, but that is another topic really
Better go as the baby in question is refusing to go to sleep and needing settling
Hope that helps a little

My DD wasn't prem but like larakitten, she was very poorly after being oxygen deprived at birth and spent 2 weeks in NICU/SCBU.

She was also very sensitive to new situations and noises as a young baby but has totally grown out of these sensitivities and is now a boisterous 3 yr old.

Hope you are getting time to look after you as well as your little man. As PPs have mentioned, chiropractors can be helpful in dealing with irritable babies - maybe worth a try?

Thanks everyone, really reassuring to know that all is "normal". Managed to get a couple of hours kip this afty which helped my sprits. DH also a star, taking care of DD1 (who was at nursery today - another god send!).
It has also just dawned on me that we are now starting the dreaded week 6, based on his due date. Hopefully means that if I can weather the storm for a few more days than the only way is up from here!
Mamasunshine, he's outgrown the screaming during nappy changes and bath time, and even appears to enjoy the latter now. Again, nice to hear that others experienced this as really felt I was going about it all wrong.
Larakitten: interesting info/observations about the effects of neonatal units. He only spent one day there, but it does make you wonder with all the tube feeding (so much was shoved down it he puked most of it back up). That said, the staff were amazing and supportive.
Enough rambling. Fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day, it usually is in "baby world"

DD was only 2.5 weeks early but really struggled with the lights of the supermarket (particularly, I think because she was facing up in the pram) - DH is dyslexic and can see them flicker so maybe it's something similar. I used to put the pram hood up and put a cover over it to shield her. It didn't always work, but it started to give me 10mins before the screaming started!

DD was also only 6lbs and I think she found the car seat uncomfortable (our car seat went on the buggy frame too so a double problem). Not sure what it was about it but it took a good few months (and the removal of the newborn insert) for her to feel happier. She also hated the car too (although a hideous 10hr journey home from holiday soon cured that!).

Anyway, although we're not in an identical situation, things have come good in the end. DD is better now she's bigger, sleeps in the car and is generally much happier. Hang in there

pastmaster, congrats on your lovely baby! Sounds like you're doing a really brilliant job. Just wanted to bump really and say what you're feeling is totally normal. Mine was 8 weeks prem, and in hospital for 6 weeks. What you describe tallies so much - the feeling of being at the never-ending newborn stage, all that exhaustion and the extra work. But it's also so precious as you get to have all this lovely extra time with your wee one which others don't - and it passes so quickly.

Another prem mum once told me she didn't realise how traumatised she'd been by it all til her DS was a year old. I think there's some truth in that. Don't underestimate all the emotions you've had to deal with and how well you've done.

Firstly congrats on the birth of your lovely baby!

Oh god i do remember this very clearly. My DS was 10 weeks early and came home at 6 weeks - 4 weeks before he was suppose to be born. It seemed never ending but it does get better. One tip - difficult one - stop counting development from the birth date and instead use the EDD. And when they do get there you will feel even more proud; trust me!