Fed up with Granddad worship!

[Rebecca41]

I expect I'm being unreasonable here, but can anyone tell me how to stop this winding me up so much?

I'm a single parent with 2 boys (ages nearly 5, and 13 months). They have no contact with their father.

My Mum and step-Dad visit every week (they live 100 miles away), stay for 1.5 days to look after the boys while I'm at work.

DS1 (age nearly 5) has always loved my step-Dad. Basically my Mum does all the dull stuff - cooking etc - while Granddad plays with the boys. So DS1 thinks Granddad is fun, and other adults are boring because they do jobs sometimes instead of playing.

Lately DS1 is driving me mad because whenever I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, or tell him off, or say I can't play because I have to make tea etc - he says "I don't love you, I only want Granddad, I don't want you to look after me any more, Granddad is much more fun than you" and so on.

Now I know I'm the grown-up here, I should be able to take it - but it's driving me mad! Sure, Granddad is great, works hard when he's here. But it's only for a fraction of each week. I'm here all the time, working my ass off to keep my boys happy. Granddad goes home and rests for 5 days! I try to explain this, and DS1 sort of gets it, but not really.

Am I being totally unreasonable? Does anyone else have this problem?

I'm sure someone with more experience will come along (my PFB is too young for this phase), but that sounds totally normal. And you are totally normal to be frustrated by it.

Mums are supposed to be taken for granted and kids don't see the dull stuff as being necessary. This too will pass but, unfortunately, most people don't genuinely appreciate what their parents did for them until they have kids themselves...

I grew up living with my Mum who was working FT and thinking my Dad was great fun because we only saw him during the holidays. Now I have my DD recognise just how awful it must have been for her to listen to us praising him when she did all the hard work...

I know it's hard, but try to make time for fun stuff, too (sorry - I know that as a single mum that may be impossible).

my two boys worship my dad as he spoils them rotten and takes them out once a week. The thing is although they are all for grandad i know that if they are poorly, or hurt they come running to me even if grandad is in the room. Grandad maybe fun and exciting but mummy gives the best cuddles.

Perhaps if you could find some time for you-then you too maybe refreshed and able to take more time to play with them and do fun stuff.It could be he just wants some attention from you maybe.Try and plan a set time where its just you and the boys having fun mucking about.I think boys really do need a male role model and my dad has become just that for them.If anything i think myself lucky to have someone who can care for my kids and who my kids adore.Its not easy being a single mum and working so don't be hard on yourself. You will always be number to your children even if they do not show it.

Perhaps it's because you are a single mum and don't have the experience of parenting as a couple?

In my experience dad is always the good guy and mum is the one who makes them do nasty stuff.

You should be pleased that your father enjoys their company and they have a great male figure in their lives.

Agree with the PPs, your boys are very lucky to have such a doting grandfather - and whilst it is frustrating that you never seem to compare, when your children are ill or under the weather, it is always mum they want.

Just enjoy the very special relationship your boys are so lucky to have, and remember they will grow out of this very annoying stage

You have to remember that they don't mean it. It is easy for them to say-especially if they know it winds you up. If you had a DP you would get 'I don't love you and more-I just love Daddy'. Don't even try and explain-just say 'that's OK-I still love you' very calmly and carry on.
I agree with the others that you should try and do some of the fun stuff-the housework will still be there, however much you do.