Continuum Concept/attachment parenting

[11nanny11]

Hi I am a nanny and have been for over 6 years. I have worked in both nurseries and as a sole charge private nanny. Recently I took on a job of 1year old. At the interview the mother explained that he had some sleep issues but was working it out. however after a two week induction period i was then on my own with him and it was an absolute nightmare. the child was not able to even be a meter away from me and was constantly crying (without tears) to be picked up. i couldnt even go to the toilet without him having a panic attack i mean it was just not normal behaviour. then on the grapevine from playground gossip i found that the parents had done this attachment parenting and continuum concept parenting which in my eyes in absolut madness. as a result the child has severe anxiety that people actually ask if he has a disability as he is so hard to manage. he has no confidence to go and explore toys he will just sit there looking at them for about half an hour even in his own home setting. i have been there for two months now and slowly he is starting to gain a bit more independence and trust in things but he is still extremely anxious. i hsve worked with over 50 babies and i have never seen behaviour of this sort. he is such a lovely little boy when he is having his happy moments but the way he has been brought up to me is just cruel. how on earth is he supposed to have any form of normal social interaction later in life if he doesnt experience it from young? the parents did not let anyone else hold him until he was one hence why he has such panic attacks when near new people.
the mother i still carrying him everywhere in a sling which i think are the worst things any monther can use pass the age of 5/6 months. she is also co-sleeping, no wonder he is such a paranoid little thing! she also had the cheek to say that after 2 months he is not settled with me ashe crys in the morning when she passes him to me but as soon as she is out the door hes perfectly happy! he also has never slept through the night and wakes up every 40 mins, and before i started he would have a 20 min nap ( i get him down for 2/3 hours) anyone thinking of doing this style of parenting i seriously suggest you think long and hard. do you want your baby to have his own independence and norrmal happy social interaction? or do you want your child to be constantly latching on to you at every opportunity and screaming from pure fear and anxiety 24/7??

just to add - i just wanted to get a general view on any parents/nannys that have come acroos this parenting as it is beyond me!

Why did you take on the job?

How much do you actually know about child development?

Are you in fact Claire Verity?

I carried all mine in slings then backpacks until they were two and beyond. I carried one year olds around while I hoovered and chopped veg. It worked brilliantly for me and I now have four very well socialised, independent and confident children aged 5, 8, 10 and 11.

They never 'latched onto me at every opportunity and screamed from pure fear and anxiety 24/7'.

I think you need to stand back from your stereotypes and judgment and work individually with this child to find out why he's insecure.

You sound like you're out of your depth with this charge and are quite mean about the mum too. (Bitching behind her back, dismissing what you perceive to be her methods).

I think you need a frank talk with the mum and perhaps you will decide you're not suited to this particular family.

? when i went for the interview the mother never told me about any type of specific parenting that they have done. and she never let me do anything for the baby during the induction as they have a 5 year old and was constantly asking me to do things with her which was fine, but never really gave me a chance with the baby on my own.
i know a lot about child development i have been with several families over my career and my other family i work for i have been there since the baby was born 1 month prem initially for a two week period and im still there 2 years on. i have been headhunted my various familys in my area and have relevant qualifications for my field.
i do not agree with claire verity - far from it! but i also dont agree with not letting anyone socialise with your child for the first year of their life! i think responding to your babys needs as and when they need your attention is appropraite. i have implemented all routines / behaviour/parenting with my other family and she is turning two next month and is a confident happy child who loves chatiing with tother children and has never had any sleep/comfort needs no dummy or anything like that she is just a happy confident and secure child.

spidermama-
just want to clarify that i havent bitched behind her back it was actually mentioned to me by a friend of the mothers! and i did speak to the mother and she told me that she didnt tell me as she thought i might not take the job if i knew! v strange! the reason he is so anxious is because he has constantly been cradled much like you did with your children, however for you the outcome has been of a positive affect! he on the other hand is the extreme oppoisite, and i think it may be due to the mothers own needs rather than him! she is so anti going back to work, and that is fine but i think the impact is too much for her, when she gets home he doesnt acknowlege her at all and crawls after me when i walk out the door which results in her being very upset! understandably.

You don't sound like the right nanny for this family, as you have such different views on childcare.

However, I agree it is totally the mother's fault for not explaining her parenting methods to you, or seeking a nanny with similar views. Bizarre behaviour!

I'd be looking for a different job if I was you.

Hmmm.I think a) you are obviously childless b)you are quite arrogant and c)I am glad I'm not your employer.
btw,carried both my babies in slings,and they co-sleep,and both of them have always been very outgoing and secure.Constant cuddling makes babies more,not less,secure -as research clearly backs up.I can't comment on why this particular baby is anxious,maybe because you don't seem to like him very much,maybe its just his temperment,but I do think you should leave the job,as you seem so critical and antagonistic towards your charge's mother.

yes i am! its just very bizzare as she is now saying she wants him to be more independant as she notices that he never plays with anything unless the adult with him is playing with it. if that was the cae why would she have done this typre of parenting. she did it withthe older child too and she has no friends, no playdates and when i try and organise the friend mothers tell me she just sits on her own not doing anything hence she doeesnt get invited bak and they dont want to come to her too. its very sad i cant see this having any benefit to a childs life whatsoever!

helly melly - clearly your experience is v diff. and yur comment about that i dont like him very much is ridiculous, he is a lovely little boy and completly gorgeous, but just demonstrates very distressing behaviour. i like him very much and the mother too theyre a lovely family, just very confusing parenting in my eyes and every one else around me (other mothers, child psychologist etc)

If you think that attachment parenting/continuum concept is 'absolute madness', 'confusing parenting', 'cruel' and makes children paranoid, then I would suggest that you are ignorant about child development and as a pp said, arrogant as well.

You may well have concerns, valid concerns, about this family but to apply that to a whole way of parenting is ridiculous. Maybe if your post was less judgemental and critical, with fewer sweeping generalisations, you would get better avice about this specific situation.

Well I second what the Queenofflamingeverything said,as she has put it rather better than I did.

i dont suggest that this style of parenting is damaging or anything like that i just think that the way this mother has applied it has had clearly no benefits for this child. do you actually agree that not letting anyone else hold baby until one year not even gparents is a suitable way to bring your child up? especially knowing that you are going to be having a nanny or putting child into nursery? Did you do that with your children?

" i found that the parents had done this attachment parenting and continuum concept parenting which in my eyes in absolut madness."

"but the way he has been brought up to me is just cruel."

"she is also co-sleeping, no wonder he is such a paranoid little thing!"

"the mother i still carrying him everywhere in a sling which i think are the worst things any monther can use pass the age of 5/6 months"

"anyone thinking of doing this style of parenting i seriously suggest you think long and hard."

You think you haven't suggesting that AP/CC is damaging? Really?

What QofFE says.

I let all sorts of people hold my baby. I don't remember reading anything about that in the Continuum Concept. If I did I would have ignored it!

TBH some of the stuff you have said sounds more like helicopter than attachment parenting:

attatchment parenting positively encourages you to let other people hold your baby, and is definitely not about the mothers needs.

to me attachment parenting is basic common sense...

I don't want to be patronising, but i think you m ay find it valuable to read up on what attacment parenting actually is, and some of the peroven benefits. From what you say about this child it sounds as if he has been smothered rather than APd

Have a look at this site for some more info.

excuse typos - baby sleeping on lap

yy spidermama, the Continuum Concept is quite big on the idea that the whole community takes a turn holding the baby iirc!

I think you sound a bit ignorant. I am very glad that you are not caring for my children.

My DS2 is 14 months and we co-slept, used slings and he is happy, independent and daring little boy.

Do you actually have any childcare qualifications? You are coming across as very unprofessional.

Quote from my sil about her DS: "he was born anxious", and she didn't do this type of parenting. Never had these issues with their DS2. DS1 is now 10 and just a bit quiet.

My 8 mo DD doesn't get this type of parenting, but now won't go to anyone other than me or DP - hoping it's just a phase and not me being a bad mother ...

My little boy demanded to be attached to me for the first 18 months, didn't give it the term attachment parenting, I just got on with it because it was what HE needed. For what it's worth, I would expect a child of this age to have a 'panic attack' when he is separated from his carer. It's an entirely normal developmental phase which you really should be aware of. I took my son to the toilet with me for about 2 years for the same reason. Completely normal for some chidren if not most to behave this way.

Read The Continum Concept book it explains how the concept is used in real life and makes for interesting reading. Just like when people complain of a routine book I suggest they read one as well.

I'm a maternity nurse and am very much based on routines BUT also spend a great deal of time holding babies and letting them join in with the world around them rather than playing with any fancy toy.

My children will be bought up with a balance of continum concept and routine - depending on what they need. Always remember that even if you have looked after 50 children that you do not know best - parents always know best!

It does not sound like the right match between you and the family. There is nothing wrong with co-sleeping or carrying a child around if that is what they need.

You seem to be concentrating a lot on the adults here and need to be thinking about the child. Maybe all of this is to do with the child! As many people on here have suggested, attachment parenting is one of the most prevalent movements in parenting today. It is used by millions of parents who have all kinds of children - very normal children, children with various difficulties. No movement in parenting has a particular outcome or causes x, y, and z effects. Everything depends on the child and the particular set of circumstances. Parents also react to their child, so behaviour you observe in the parents will be adapted to particular behaviour/reactions in the child. If my child was very very nervous of strangers, I would not pass him to other people just because they desired this even though I could sense my child really didn't want it. I am not saying that this is the reason behind the parents not "allowing" other people to hold the baby, BUT it is not possible to judge behaviour of a parent without fully understanding the parent's feelings and position. In fact, judging a parent seems altogether unhelpful.
Maybe there are issues here about anxiety which the family needs to deal with to help the child (and maybe the older child). Quite possibly they are genetic and have nothing whatsoever to do with any books the parents have or haven't read, or wearing a sling (!!!). I would think it unhelpful for someone to spend two months with a child you have cared for in the past, notice some problem the child was having and attribute it completely to your pushing the child in a pushchair.
If the child is feeling anxious and unhappy it needs support and care and not animosity and feelings of tension towards the mother who is his primary caregiver. Similarly, for the mother to be able to give him the care he needs, she needs support, trust and not to have her self-confidence damaged by criticism.

Please, find a different position fast!