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Parenting

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Original poster

WWYD - school tomorrow or not?

20 replies

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 19:55

Dd has had long term constipation issues - entirely behavioural but now she's stretched her bowel as well. She's in reception. She came off laxatives and was OK for months, then about 3 months ago things started to go back down hill.

So she hasn't pooped since Thursday but is having the tell-tale leakages. I'm struggling to get her to take the movicol, fruit or anything useful. Tonight she stood gripping the table, shaking with the effort of holding it in and wouldn't get on her potty, right next to her.

I've given her some senna and will give her her movicol and lactulose in the morning. The senna is a lastish resort (OKed by consultant) and takes at least a day to work, and if she goes to school I will struggle to get her other medicines taken before the school run. If it all works - we could have a pretty explosive day tomorrw and she's pretty sore already. I have lidacaine but it would need topping up.

So should I keep her home, get the medicine in and the poo out on a mission, or send her to school and hope she doesn't explode before 3.30? Seems weird to keep her home just to poo - and I am concerned that she will see it as a way to stay home. I've done it once before.

I am beyond my wits end with this I really am. She's a very bright girl, but I cannot convince her to let it out - even for monstrous bribery. She's a control freak

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Pennies · 14/06/2010 19:57

Crikey - if she's at the point of holding it in now surely the senna will take effect before then?

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:00

You'd really think so wouldn't you. But I've been here before. it will not be that quick. I too, am amazed at her bowel control!

She is olympic standard stubborn my dd. Can't think where she get's that from.....

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 14/06/2010 20:00

I wouldn't send her to school, it will be terrible for her if it starts to flow.

Alot of children see their urine and faeces as an extension of themselves, they are unable to realise that it's just waste and not part of them IYSWIM. Have you tried asking the school nurse for advice?

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thisisyesterday · 14/06/2010 20:00

i would keep her home. it won't be very pleasany for her if she is uncomfortable or if she has an accident at school

LoveMyGirls · 14/06/2010 20:03

Hummmmmm I think I would keep her off but not mention school at all, maybe she'll think it's teacher training or something because I can see how you would not want to encourage her to think doing this gets her a day off school but then I doubt she's at the stage of trying to find excuses not to go anyway.

I wouldn't want her to go because I don't think its fair on your dd or the teachers if she does have an accident at school, it will be mortifying and traumatic and it might encourage her to try harder to hold it in.

Northernlurker · 14/06/2010 20:05

I would keep her at home. It will be horrible if she has an accident at school and clearly you've got issues to work through with her already - I don't think the day off school is actually going to make a lot of difference in the scheme of things. Good luck with that - sounds really tough. Can you go back to the medical team for more advice on the behavioural aspects?

LoveMyGirls · 14/06/2010 20:08

I do know how it feels and it does feel it will never end, both my dd's have suffered and their diets were very good and they drank alot of fluid too, it really worried me and I felt judged etc

My dd1 suffered from age 1 until she was 3 and a half (somehow once I potty trained her it sorted itself but I'd been putting off potty training because of the constipation, vicious cycle!)

My dd2 started having problems when I potty trained her at 2 and a quarter and it took 8 months to get sorted out using movicol/ lactulose and her first pooh on the toilet without pain was during a family holiday so the relaxed pace helped there I think.

They are both fine now but it was very upsetting at the time.

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:08

This is what I think too. I think it will be just too tough all round. I just feel a bit wimpish about telling the school why she's not coming in - but then I'm sure they don't want to deal with it either. With luck, she might be able to go in the afternoon.

belle - we've had endless drs consults over this. Whether she likes it or not, she has to be made to go - but it was so much easier to deal with before she started school (although I didn't think so at the time!).

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thisisyesterday · 14/06/2010 20:09

just tell the school that she isn't very well

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:09

Thanks lovemygirls - I just really though we were past this. I was so relieved.

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thisisyesterday · 14/06/2010 20:11

does it stem from a painful poo or something at some point?
have the GP's referred her to someone psychological/behavioural to see if they can give you any helpful advice?

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:16

It didn't start out as painful - she just didn't want to and that was that. Unfortunately, if she holds it too long it then becomes painful and we get a vicious cycle. But bizarrely, the root of this is not about pain - it's just that she doesn't like the normal sensation and just doesn't want to do it. She's generally quiet, a bit shy, never naughty - but really remarkably stubborn. This is not the only control issue we have.

We were never referred for psychological advice - I was led to believe we wouldn't get it for this issue with such a young child and we should just keep 'toilet training' her.

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Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:17

It started with potty training - which I had to put off until she was over 3 and it also became a major childcare issue.

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LoveMyGirls · 14/06/2010 20:21

I think the thing with my dc's is that they need a very high intake of veg, fruit, fibre, fruit juice etc otherwise they do get clogged up on the odd occasion. I will give the odd spoon of califig too now and again.

Have you done reward charts for everyday she does a pooh on the toilet? and if she gets 4 stars a week she gets a treat like taking her bike to the park or a trip swimming or something?

thisisyesterday · 14/06/2010 20:22

bless her, it must be horrid

if it were me I would push for a referral to the most appropriate person. I don't have any experience of this so don't know who that would be

but if it is now affecting her schooling and she shows no sign of improving then I'd say you warrant some help from someone!!
it isn't just a case of toilet training is it?

hav e you tried just not even mentioning it at all? I know it's not the same scale but ds1 often refuses to go for a wee, to the point of wetting himself (he is 5)
I've found that if I don't mention it at all, he goes more often than if I remind him. it's like this constant battle to be in control and if i've mentioned it then he can't go because then I would win.... it's very, very hard to not say anythihng thouh!

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 20:29

She's not in a battle of wills with me - but with herself. If I don't mention it, she just has a lot of accidents.

We did see a specialist last summer. The toilet training was designed to get her going regularly so that it just became normal and routine - and that's what the mdication is for. I'm just finding it next to impossible to control her medicine and diet now she's at school (and childcare 2 days/week).

We have indeed done charts - and I do have some bribes which normally work, but just not this week, apparently!

At one level, she understands the process. But when the urge comes - she just fights it.

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ElizabethWakefield · 14/06/2010 20:29

I would definitely keep her off school if it were me, poor DD, sounds bad.

luckyJess · 14/06/2010 20:41

Keep her home.

Have had same with my DD. It was a major issue in our life for atleast a year until just after Christmas when she started on a mission which eventually had desired result (ie. pooing nearly everyday on the loo).

But since gradually stopping laxatives about a month ago we have had few relaspes.

She starts Reception in Sept.

My DN too has had same problem and has had days off school.

Good luck.

luckyJess · 14/06/2010 20:43

ooooops...

WE started on a mission.

Original poster

Acinonyx · 14/06/2010 21:14

Thanks - useful to know that others have held dc off school over this too.

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