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Parenting

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Original poster

I need to defer :o(

27 replies

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 19:28

Well, I have DH and I have just had a very long talk about the reality of me starting college in September. We have realised that it will be a massive strain on our finances, DD's nursery fees would potentially rise to £500 per month & the petrol/maintenence costs for my car would quadruple, and then there's the course costs to factor in.

I had a niggling doubt about the nursery I was planning to send DD to. She would be going from a very small, cosy 'family-feel' nursery to a big impersonal feeling McDonalds-of-childcare type environment. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the nursery care per se, it just felt too institutionalised for my DD. Not to mention the fact that she'd be doing the sort of hours that have her keeling over at home if she doesn't have a nap. I'd had this feeling but told myself that it would be ok once she started and got used to it. Now I realise that I should listen to my instinct.

If I defer my course for a year then DD will be at primary school when I start college which will mean that I'll only have to pay for a couple of hours of after school care for 3 days a week, instead of 3 full nursery days of 8-6pm. Plus the fact that she'll be more emotionally and physically able to cope with the longer hours 3 days a week. She's only just 3 and still likes a sleep of 2-3 hours in the day at home, so I was/am concerned about how she'd cope.

Dh is really supportive of my decision, and would have been regardless of whether it was to defer and be a sahm for another year or to have gone ahead with the course. I'll be calling the college tomorrow

Why, oh why is it made so impossibly difficult for parents to get back into education/work ? For all New Labour's talk about helping the unskilled (in a professional sense at least) into fulfilling & financially rewarding careers, it's a bloody sham

All in all I'm happy with my decision, I can see that it is right for the whole family, and a year is not that much in the grand scheme of things. I am disappointed, but not as much as I thought I would be.

Thanks to everyone who has offered me advice and support on my whingey 'help me!' threads . Keep your eyes peeled for more of the same in 12 months time

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lucy5 · 11/08/2005 19:32

Why dont you do a night class, once a week, something that might help you next year. Sorry I havent been following your thread, so I dont know what course you are deferring. If you have been out of education for a while, a night class could brush up your skills so you don't feel overwhelmed next year. Or I could be talking out of my bottom.

nutcracker · 11/08/2005 19:35

I think you are doing the right thing tbh, because it is very hard to do a course like that with under school age kids and if you have niggling doubts.

Sounds like the whole thing will be far much more enjoyable if you start next year and much less stressful.

Perhaps do an OU course this year just to get yourself used to studying again and give you something to do.

Original poster

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 19:35

There's nothing I could do at nightclass level that would work with the course I'll be doing at college. It's a foundation course (Access Course) so I'm not worried about being overwhelmed

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nutcracker · 11/08/2005 19:37

Oh must be just me that felt very overwhelmed by it then.

Original poster

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 19:37

You are so right, nutty. I just hadn't realised how heart-breakingly difficult it would be to organise my life around the course.

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nutcracker · 11/08/2005 19:39

It is so hard Ndp and like you say noone really seems interested in helping you sort anything out.
I am still waiting for thm to decide if Ds has a place at their nursery so that I can start in Sept.

If he doesn't have a place I then have to wait for them to decide if they will fund a place elsewhere. if they do and 4 weeks down the line a place at the college nursery becomes available, they will then want me to move him back, which there is no way i will do when i've just settled him.

It stinks.

Original poster

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 19:39

Oh God, nutty. I really hope I haven't just offended you . I expected it to be a challenge but I was told by the tutors that with the GCSE grades I have (despite the fact that they are donkeys years old) would mean that I shouldn't be too perplexed by it all. I, of course, have no idea how I will actually cope until I do the course. REally sorry, nutty.

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Original poster

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 19:40

I hope it all turns out ok for you, hon. Must go and cook dinner xxx

OP posts:

nutcracker · 11/08/2005 19:41

No no, no offence taken at all. I did actually mean to put a wink after my message about it being overwhelming LOL

Chandra · 11/08/2005 19:44

I believe your reasons are very very valid NDP, however, I would like to point out that circumstances change in unpredictable ways and may make the process of going back to college far more difficult. I was supposed to start working in a university degree last October, unfortunately my circumstances at a time were not ideal, so I asked for the start to be defered and my conditions now, a year later are... ahem, far worse! so I am finaly coming to terms with the idea that I will never be able to go back, even when this has been something I wanted to do all my life. So, my suggestion is that if you have a chance to do at least some work, even if the access course is provided by distance learning or any other way that allows you to accomodate your current needs, go for it. You'll never know what the future holds

lucy5 · 11/08/2005 19:50

Sorry, I didnt mean to sound patronising

Original poster

NomDePlume · 11/08/2005 21:05

Oh Chandra, I'm sorry that you feel you'll never get to fulfil your dream

I'm sure I'll be faced with a whole new set of challenges in 12 months time, but I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Until then, I know that I still have the drive and motivation to get to college, but my family has to come first.

OP posts:

Chandra · 11/08/2005 21:17

Yes, is the circumstances of my family what have changed for the worse unfortunately, I supose if I had started last year I would have the drive to continue now that is more difficult, but now, as things stand, it seems like the benefits of completing a PhD are not worth the hassle of doing it, besides I'm getting more homesick by the minute, so I can't see myself spending another three years around here either... I will try to get access to a distance learning program, if I do, it's OK if not... well I guess I would not going to die without a PhD, am I?

GeorginaA · 11/08/2005 21:17

So sorry to hear this NdP - so disappointing after all the hurdles you've gone through. You're right - the whole system is a sham. Very on your behalf.

ScrewballMuppet · 11/08/2005 21:23

It is a sham! such a shame that your defering but I imagine that its better to follow your instincts than to have that niggling doubt.

steffee · 11/08/2005 22:23

Sorry NDP, I know it can be hard having to defer - I joke about my ucas applications, having applied 6 years running. I might have to defer too (again) so I know how you feel, but you should seriously consider OU! They're fairly cheap courses, and no childcare or travelling costs and universities usually accept them instead of an access course for entry onto a degree (or you could do your whole degree via the OU if the situation next year is much the same).

sallystrawberry · 11/08/2005 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NomDePlume · 12/08/2005 10:07

AFAIK, the college don't offer the course on a part time basis . I've looked at the OU online and there's nothing really available that would be of as much or more relevance as the Access course is. The fact is that the Access course was designed by the college specifically to tie in with the degree course at UCE. The course is absolutely tailored to the degree and I would be pretty much guaranteed a Uni place. There is nothing that I can do anywhere else that offers me the same odds....

DD will be going back to the family feel nursery and will be doing 1 full day (9-3.30) and 4 afternoons. So I'll have a fist full of free time to get on with rersearching primary schools for her next Sept (our catchment school is not ideal), actually get a chance to go to the gym I've recently joined, do my housework (yawn) and get in plenty of guilt-free MNing

Having slept on it, I still feel that the decision I'm making is the right one.

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tiredemma · 12/08/2005 12:31

Nom, sutton college do the access course part time, there are two people in my group who want to work in radiography, sutton college is also a "feeder" college for UCE- just like south bham college is.
may be worth a try??

Original poster

NomDePlume · 12/08/2005 12:37

Yes, but the access course I'd have been doing at Sth Birm is Access to Radiography, so is more specialised (for the degree course) than the other access courses I've seen. According to UCAS the only other college to offer the course is down in Kent !

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tiredemma · 12/08/2005 12:45

oh right, i thought it was an access to health sciences course like the one i do.
In that case i think that you are making the right decision, i'd do the same if i wanted to work within a specific health field, i think that radiography would obviously offer different- more indepth studying as opposed to the broader access course that i do.

good luck whatever you do-

did you go to the open day at UCE in the spring? Radiography had the largest queue!

Original poster

NomDePlume · 12/08/2005 12:47

Thanks Tiredemma . I didn't get to the Open Day, I would have liked to, but couldn't make it. I'm not surprised at the Radiography course being long. The group for the Access to Radiography at Sth BHam was so big this year that they've had to split them into 2 groups on to diff timetables to accomodate all the students !

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tiredemma · 12/08/2005 12:52

at my college on the first day there were far more people there than they had anticipated (people sitting on classroom floors etc) so we had to split up, this sept though we will be put back together as there are 10 people left in my group and 5 in the other!!! approx 20 people have dropped out since the beginning.

your course sounds interseting, is it radiography you are interested in or radiotherapy?

by the way- must say, i would of struggled with the full time course and little ones, i think by waiting for little one to start school is a great idea.

Original poster

NomDePlume · 12/08/2005 12:55

The access course prepares me well for both areas(Radiotherapy/Diagnostic Radiography). TBH, i'm undecided as to which I'd like to go into, some days I think one and the next it'll be the other. I guess I don't have enough experience of either to make a decision as yet.

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steffee · 12/08/2005 18:26

Just to say NDP, I know it's not really very helpful, but I started radiography (radiotherapy) at UCE last year and they have lots and lots of places. I got in about a week before the course started through Clearing after having a lastminute change of mind from Diagnostic to Therapy and Derby (where I was originally going to) didn't do the Therapy so I had to look around.

I had a few days work shadowing in both areas but no other experience other than an OU course (and btec, 1 a level and gcse's from years before) and I got a place straight away.

There were 150+ on the course, only 30something doing the radiotherapy option.

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