Nursery coping strategies? I really need one!

[NoSexInOurCity]

DD started nursery last week in preparation for my return to full time work next week. Last week she loved it, but today she bawled when I said goodbye, I think she is realising that I go for quite a while, and today will be longer still. Last week was just morning playtime, but this week she's there for lunch and nap time as well. She is 14 months old, and I am now sitting at home missing her like crazy for the next 6 hours . I just keep imagining what is happening there. How can the staff know all her little ways? Will she just be sitting there wondering why mummy has gone? What really goes through a child's head?

Next week when she goes full time of course I'll have work to keep me occupied, but I must sort out my emotional response to the situation before then. I think I've forgotten what it is to be me. I'm not particularly a career woman, the going back to work is because financially we have to.

I knew this would be hard, but not this bad. I know it's early on a Sunday for most of the world, but please drop me a friendly word and tell me I'll get over this and that she will be fine and tell me how you coped if you've ever had to do the same.

• durr. But still early! Too early obviously!

Oh, it's so hard I know. But give it time. You'll be all right and she'll be alright.They don't know her ways yet, but they will...

The best advice I was given was to give it three months. That is, honestly, how long it takes for everything to settle down. After that, if either of you are still not happy, sit down and work out if you have any other options (there often are if you really need them, even if it means working opposing shifts to a partner or selling up and moving to a cheaper area. Not for everyone obviously, but a lot of people have more options than they first think).

In the meantime, find something nice to do whilst she's at nursery. Take a nap, see if there is a friend you can meet or a book you can read. If all else fails, clean the oven. Not nice, but will keep you occupied until it's time to collect her.

Make yourself a list of all of the positives of nursery: she'll learn to interact well with other children, sharing and turn taking, lots of playmates, meeting different people, confidence, nursery staff do lots of fun things with them, crafts etc. games, singing way past the point where mummy wouls have run out of steam ;) you'll be motivated for the time you spend with her when she's not there (except when you want to hide under the duvet with cake to get some personal space.....)she should learn good table manners and appropriate behaviour for different situations, independence.

Not saying that if she wasn't at nursery she wouldn't get these things of course, but they are all pretty valid in my mind and what I remember when I feel guilty about it. DD has been in 3.5 days since she was 6m and that was hard (for me) at the start. But she loves it and is nearly always happy, sociable, quite confident, good round other kids etc. I suspect nursery can take credit for much of this, rather than my impeccable genes lol......

And after a few months, they know her ways and as they're professionals, will be able to give you new ideas if you want them. In some ways it's nice for me not being the only "expert" on DD. Nursery staff always get her to nap in a cot etc. Buggered if I can at home....

Oh, and they have cool different toys from home.

Oh, and be prepared for work to feel weird for a bit. I was so used to being Mum that it takes a bit to reember what being you is like again. For me being DDs mum is so great and all-consuming, loving the time with her, everything feelin^g so important in terms of bringing her up well, responsibility for her safety etc, that it's quite knackering, so work seems petty in comparison as it doesn't matter so much, I quite like what feels like less responsibility here now, less concerned with politics etc.

Right, should go and do some work now

Thank you ladies! I feel I can breathe a bit now you've helped me put it in perspective.

I picked her up an hour ago, and it turns out she cried for 15 minutes when I left her, which is considerably less than I did! She tucked into her lunch, played with playdoh, danced, and has received her first party invite

Tomorrow is a new day and I think I'll plan something nice for myself to do during the 6 free hours.

Thank you.

If it helps, my DD was 10 months when she started at nursery. And yes, it was tough for the first little while, she would wail when dropped off. Wail when picked up in the evening etc. But very quickly there would be wailing when I handed her over, but it would have stopped by the time I was out of the door (occasionally not though. Heatbreaking to hear her still crying even though I had talked to the manager, walked round, packed away the buggy etc, and still crying...)

Anyway, one morning she was in full wail, clawing to get out of hte nursery staff's arms, when a plate of toast was carried past. Instantly she stopped wailing as her head followed the plate and her eyes went "hhmmm... toast"! At which point I knew that the crying was for my benefit, not her ditress

These days she toddles off into the room without a backwards look. I really have to work to get a wave bye-bye!