anger management

[bananalover]

basically, i am not happy atm. DCs are driving me mad and i seem to spend all day every day shouting...at everybody.
realise that this is not healthy and my rages getting out of control, just seem to spend all day in a black mood.
does anyone have any advice on anger management or do i need to seek professional advice?

How old are your kids? Do you have any help? Do they go to nursery?

one at school, one at nursery every afternoon, one at home full time.
husband does his bit when he gets home from work, but its really my emotions that are worrying me...just feel so angry and frustrated over things that are so normal.

Does the one at home have a nap still?

Oh it's such a relief that I'm not the only one! It feels like you're bring a terrible parent and then someone else owns up to the same and you realise that in fact you're normal!

I have no magic cure, but I have found a few things helpful:

Counting to 10 before speaking. Really, it does sometimes help. It stops you from shrieking the first thing that bypasses your brain and comes out of your mouth in full fury.

Not interfering. Sometimes I hear my dc shrieking at each other but I distract myself rather than go tearing in all guns blazing. Soon afterwards they are playing together again, or else they are playing separately. I am constantly sruprised at how rarely one or other comes whining to me or even crying to me for comfort after one of these incidents.

Talking very quietly to the dc. And aslo not discussing their behaviour with them until they have calmed down.

Getting enough sleep (both them and me) getting regular meals and drinks (ditto).

And finally - I went to the dr. Now that I am on hrt I hAve far fewer rages. There was a medical reason why iwas struggling with my dc.

HTH a bit.

It sounds like you need a break. What are the things that wind you up?

EVERYTHING...they cant be in same room together for more that 5 mins before they start fighting.
the middle one is a real drama queen, constantly whining 24/7
the oldest is at risk of exclusion from school because of his 'attitude' problem
the youngest was, i hate to say this, wanted more by hubby than myself...some resentment there still, cant bond
just feel like the very worst parent in the world. other people actually seem to get enjoyment from their kids.

These things help me (sometimes!):

Accepting some stuff (ie fighting) as normal and a useful aspect of their development, so I ignore it unless it looks like one of them is going to get properly hurt.

Turfing them out into the garden if they are driving me nuts.

Keeping my ipod charged so I can lurk in the kitchen for a bit if I think I'm going to lose it.

Using time out instead of yelling, telling them calmly what they have done and then making them apologise.

Uisng a star chart sometimes or other stuff where they can earn a treat ("If you clear up the front room you can watch Chuggington").

Having some focused activity they can do as a distraction (playdough, colouring, baking, gardening...)

Bed time is bad at Chez Tabby, but is better now they have separate bed times. Dinner-bath-bed now takes 3 and a half hours but at least I get some time to myself in the evening.

'sometime to myself in the evening'...thatll be the day!

Banana, that's sad. Kids are such hard work sometimes aren't they.

Can you find something that you can do as a family that they all enjoy? we're planning a trip to the beach tomorrow. We go off to bus rallies and stuff too (mine are all boys!). They are much more likeable whaen they are doing something they enjoy.

Fighting apparently teaches them life skills. I read that on the internet so it must be true

What support are you getting with your eldest? How old is he? Is the senco involved? Does he have an iep or a pastoral support plan?

DS2's a bit of a whiner. I've started encouraging him to ask properly, so earlier when he as whining that he wanted to play the piano, I told him he could if he asked properly and it worked!!

Do they resist bed time?

yes to iep and yes to bedtime resist

Sorry about all the qus I'm trying to help but maybe I'm coming across a bit gestapo.

Is the iep working? If not maybe a chat with the senco might be an idea. They will have access to people who are behaviour specialists.

Mine have got better at bed time since I started putting DS2 1-1 1/2 hours earlier than DS1. At one stage I was putting DS1 in our bed because they wind each other up.

Maybe tomorrow your DH could take them to the park or something so you can sleep or take bath (not chores in other words!)?

I've got to sleep now or I'll be shouty tomorrow, but I'll be back tomorrow