Does anyone else have set ideas about parenting that just don't work out?

[Again]

For instance my mil thinks it's very funny that I thought that children shouldn't learn to read until late, but my ds is a very early reader.

Children should be able to converse with you sensibly as long as you converse sensibly with them.

Ds2 actually got trapped in a "super sonic, super sonic, super sonic" loop a few weeks ago, when he couldn't quite describe how awesome he was to everyone.

And Ds1 is very sensible, as long and your chosen subject of discussion is Tower defense Three.

That my child wouldn't be so morbid and be exploring ideas like what is it to be alive, what happens when you die, does everybody die, I don't want you to die, I don't want to die, after we die can we be born again as babies...

and after watching the news (I know, I know) and before visiting her aunt in Cumbria, 'mummy will a man be at the side of the road and shoot us so we die.'

She is 4 ffs and I'm sure they aren't meant to try and get to grips with it until they are about 6.

And no-one she knows has died, apart from her hamster whose grave she occasionally visits in the garden.

And I thought saying things like 'oh for gods sake shut you stupid bloody drawer, jesus christ' would be fine as it isn't swearing and she wouldn't repeat it in public. Ha. Ha. Ha.

It may not be swearing but it sounds very innappropriate coming out of her mouth...

yes, about everything.

My great ideas never work.

I always swore blind my children would not go to single sex schools - but actually it works best for my daughter!

My child was never going to be allowed to eat in the car.

I was going to be a Gina Ford-type Sensible Mother and 'hippy' things like co-sleeping would only happen over my dead body. I would jolly well not pander to the baby by such indulgent things as rocking them in a pram to get them to sleep.

I've had to change my tune - fortunately my body doesn't seem to be dead quite yet. I spent weeks wishing that DS could sleep by being rocked in a pram.

The only reason GF isn't in the bin is so I can have something to laugh at, and I've fully embraced baby-wearing co-sleeping lentil-weaveryness.

But then:
I was never going to go out with the man who is now my DH
I was definitely going to stay single till I was over 30 (I got married at 22)
I was never going to consider teaching (guess what my second job was?).

I really should have learnt my lesson by now...

My son was moving to Ibiza with me aged one month, where I would run my fashion label, with him sleeping in a gorgeous sling. He was going to fit in with our life blah blah blah. I would still be slim, sex mad and sociable!!!

Actually he is now 2, and we are going on our first holiday to costa del sol (don't ask) with two friendsfor some back up!! He runs our house, fashion labelon hold for yet another couple of years, am a chubby size ten that has sex about once a month, goes out even less and we love it!!

Sure that i'd

1. Never use a dummy - did with both
2. Would breast feed for 6 months - hated it and mixed fed for 3 months
3. Children would be reading before started school (like me!) - Ds1 not really interested.
4. Would go back to work 2 x a week (I'm not really interested!)

I always thought that if I braced myself and got the table covered with newspaper and set out paper, paints, glue, stickers, artsy crafty stuff and so on, we could all have a lovely time making cards and home made wrapping paper and stuff.

Heh heh heh.

size ten is chubby????? WTF Shall I jut shoot myself now? Please tell me you are not serious. Sorry to hijack the thread but I could not let that go unchallenged.

But back to the thread pretty much everything after it turned out the little buggers had minds of their own! That just didn't cross my mind in those pregnancy day dreams I had of my perfect parenting.

I would never buy any kind of toy gun or sword for my lovely gentle Ds1 and DS2. However, they used to make them out of a stick, some duplo, lego or even one wooden brick could be a sword for them and make shooting noises. I compromised by buying such toys only in ridiculous colours (such as a bright blue sword).

I'm with pippop1.

I would never buy a toy weapon for my DS. Then someone gave him some sticklebricks and the first thing he did was make a gun and shoot my DM with it - along with full sound effects.

That DD would like funky, brightly coloured clothes and not be obsessed by pink.

That I would not ever allow anything 'disney princess' in the house.

mooki I am holding fast on the disney princess stuff as dd hates it as I am a very right-on parent.

Oh god yes. My children will not have chocolate, will only eat healthy food and my DVD collection will not include any annoying kids DVD's.

Only way I can bribe my daughter to behave in the supermarket is with Magic Stars, she will not eat my lovely home-cooked food and prefers to have things like spaghetti hoops, chicken dippers and potato waffles. As for my DVD collection, just don't go there...

I look back and think how completely unrealistic I was and now how happy those little things in life make my little girl

Am with you on both the weapons and the pink...

So many...

I was also going to be GF type mummy until I saw DD and my heart melted! She was in cot quite early and this worked very well until she was 2.2. She now sleeps in my bed every night (I'm thinking of using her room as an office).

She would have healthy, nutritious meals and not eat chips/pizza/etc. Hah! .

I would return to my high flying career without a second thought safe in the knowledge that my child was being expertly cared for... Within four months of returning to work, I changed the company I worked for to one with a more family focussed ethic (and my salary has halved).

There would be no Disney Princess shite stuff in my house ever as it perpetuates the myth of being saved by a man and happy ever after. We have tons of it.

Oh the list is endless...

I swore 'no TV' (I meant strictly zero).

Ha Ha Bloody Ha.

Infant potty training as soon as he could sit and no sweets as treats. He's nearly two and gets a chocolate button every time he wees on the potty, which isn't very often. Oh and he asks to go on the naughty step...bloody loves it. Arse.