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Everyone's a winner

5 replies

Druzhok · 09/06/2010 15:59

How do you approach competitiveness with your child?

My DS (4, nearly 5) is very, er, focused on winning. He tends to fall apart (noisily) if he does not win. 'Winning' can be applied to most things: who gets down the stairs first (great! children bickering and pushing on the stairs!), who reaches the tree first, who gets an orange juice first, any kind of play fighting. He's a firstborn, so in a way it comes with the territory, but ... meh ...

On one hand, I'm not too comfortable with it and feel I need to teach him the hoopla about taking part etc etc. I think we've been a bit indulgent, really. On the other hand, I think he's a boy, he's nearly 5, he'll get squashed a bit when he goes to school and mixes with older boys.

I also shudder a bit at the 'it's all about taking part' nicey nicey stuff, to be honest.

What do you reckon?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ANTagony · 09/06/2010 16:03

My younger DS (4) is athletic and very competitive. My elder DS (6) is dyspraxic and competitive. My older boy handles this by retourting I'm the winner because it was a slow race, or I'm the winner because I've touched the tree in the right place and you just ran to it.

Mostly they learn coping mechanisms and if they're happy, not bullying others or being bullied I think you're right a school with older boys will quickly get him learning that he's not the winner nor the looser at everything.

Druzhok · 09/06/2010 23:35

Thanks for the perspective. I feel that school will be a GOod Thing for DS

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Al1son · 10/06/2010 08:02

I don't think any child gets the 'it's not the winning ,it's the taking part' bit. They can't see the fun in just taking part. They find it easier to understand 'it's not always your turn to win. If you always won then nobody would race you because they wouldn't have a chance of having fun'.

It seems to make a little more sense to them when it's put like that but they do have to have enough theory of mind skills which means they can understand what goes on in another person's head. That comes with a certain level of maturity so you can't hurry it.

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MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 10/06/2010 08:03

We just over-egg the 'well dones' to whoever did win when we're all playing together, and encourage the 'loser' to join in, stressing the importance of good sportsmanship and how people just don't want to play with bad losers and people who are obsessed with winning.

Druzhok · 14/06/2010 09:55

Oooh, thanks, yes - he does 'get' the idea of taking turns, so that's a great approach.

Cheers

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