DD1 is so full-on. What (if anything) can I do about it?

[hobnob57]

Right. She is 3.6. She has been a pathogenic yap from the moment she worked out she could make noises at 3 weeks old. Her speech is excellent and has been from a very early age. It was all lovely and cute and we encouraged it for a long time, but now we want to find the off button!

She talks at full pelt from the moment she detects responsiveness from you in the morning until last thing at night. It used to just be banter but now it is full-on bossy demands. If you are not careful, she'll have your day planned out for you in meticulous detail before breakfast, mostly consisting of which stories you will read her, what she will be having for lunch and how it will be presented, whether or not she will be napping, who she will visit and how much TV she will watch. There is never a minute when she is not asking something of you: 'Mummy will you read me....', 'Mummy can you help me...', Mummy you can ..... It sounds nothing when you type it, but it is incessant 24/7. It is impossible to hold a conversation with anyone with her in the room ATM. DH is fried as he has quite a demanding job and never gets any brain space because she cranks up the pressure when he is home.

It has got to the point where we really want to do something about it, but aren't sure what. I'm working on her asking for things nicely at the moment, but the expectation is still there that she will have her demands met. I'll add there that we haven't spoiled her at all, but I can't speak for MIL who has her one day a week. She is just blonde and cute and it works on a lot of people.

Is there a cure for a preschooler that just can't allow silence or self-contentment into her day?

But if she naps and watches telly she must be silent at those moments, surely? If you pin those moments down it might help you know when the breathing space is coming. (e.g. telly time is 4 to 4.30 every day and mummy cooks dinner in the kitchen while she has it)

Does she go to preschool/nursery? At 3.6 it would be free and beneficial.

Can't you say to her 'Mummy's brain needs some quiet time to think or else IT WILL EXPLODE!'? OK maybe not quite as blunt as that but is she able to listen to you? Can you start teaching her empathy?

I am not a chatty person at all and crave 'headspace', so I really sympathise with you.

I'm sure someone will come along and say that's just what little girls are like, but everyone needs some respite.

Mrsgboring's nursery tip is a really good idea.

On the plus side she is obviously very bright!

It improves around the age of 11 when you give in and give them a mobile phone and the incessantly rant at their friends instead, much better by the time they are 13

Hehe, just what I thought Cargirl

Yes, she does have her preschool hours each day where, apparently, she is an angel. I just find her so much more needy in terms of adult attention/involvement than her peers. She has a baby sister (6 months) who I hope in time will take some of the pressure off. At the moment her preschool hours and sporadic naps are the only times the poor kid gets any attention! I do think she has suffered from being a first grandchild on both sides so has always had a captive audience. Sigh.

It's just personality I'm afraid, all I can say is that dd has thrived at boarding school - don't think any of her siblings are cut out for it!

I will be following this thread as I have the same issue with DD1 (4.2) AND DD2 (2.8).

They went to nursery previously, but I now have them at home full time and they talk all the time, and as you described map out the day and make (mostly) polite demands - but incessantly.

I was trying to answer all their questions etc. but it's just not possible and for us the turning point came when DD2 started stuttering about a month ago - probably because the were always talking over each other and she didn't get the peace to finish what she was saying. So I felt like I really had to do something.

Anyway, my solution so far has been to really think about how I want to teach them to behave towards me and each other and then guide them very explicitly, e.g. to stop one when interrupting the other and explain that they need to listen first. And when one question gets asked again and again I (try to) calmly explain why this is annoying me. To that DD1 actually commented - "OH, I didn't know that, I'm glad you told me" :-).

Hop it gets better for you soon!

Today my DS told his little brother that mummy will do what you say if you ask her politely!

Sounds exactly like mine at the same age. I never really managed to stop it bit just kept working on her. Things began improving from about age 4-5. DD is now 11 & still a chatterbox but nowhere near as bad as when she was younger. If it's any consolation, she turned out to be exceptionally bright so my theory is that it's the sign of an active mind .

Phew, there may be light at the end of the tunnel, then. Or peace.

Whether or not it would work for your DD, I'll tell you what works for mine although she is a bit younger than yours. I do to my DD what your DD does to you - that is to lay out my expectations of her ahead of the task to mentally prepare her for what is going to happen. ie " we're going to go swimming after your nap and you'll need to take your clothes off and put your swimming cossie on blah blah etc. I do find I have less tantrums with her this way.
Whether or not you could use it to negotiate a period of down time with her?
Or as the others said, it could just be her?!

I did this with her when she was younger, but now with dd2, she is so much quicker than we are at deciding what we are going to do and articulating it! Of course we don't follow her plans but it creates unnecessary friction when she has to be told 'no, we are....' at multiple points during the day. Right now, as I am feeding dd2 and she is eating lunch, she is entertaining us () with pointless questions such as 'what am I wearing on my legs today mum?'.

I used to be reduced to setting the kitchen timer for 5 or 10 minutes, and telling my dd that she had to go and do something quietly in a different room until it went off.

More than 10 minutes at that age is probably too long, but you could always work it up to half an hour over time.

These days (age 8) she tends to vanish off & do her own thing for hours, so it doesn't last for ever . There are upsides, too, her (quiet) friend's mum says she likes taking dd places in the car because she finds out all the gossip from school . . .

I once heard a segment on the radio where people called in and shared the lies their parents told them as children.

One girl said she was a chatterbox, so her Dad told her that people only have so many words they can use in their lifetime, and if she keeps talking so much, she'll run out of words and never be able to talk again! Evil genius!

Your DD may be a bit young for that explanation at the moment, but one to keep in mind if things don't get any better! My DD is similar to yours, 3.5, talks from the moment she wakes (sometimes before) and this little fib keeps coming back to me for some reason!

Would a visual schedule work. Have pictures of activities cut out on squares with velcro or something, then along with her choose certain activities for the day, Then when she starts directing you can say yes it's all worked out, go look at the schedule, I know what's required.