DD (10) hates staying away from home overnight WWYD?

[arfur]

DD is due to go on Brownie camp in summer hols for a week but is now saying she doesnt want to go. She went on a weekend away with brownies last month and was ok the 1st night but cried to come home on the 2nd afternoon and evening altho after much deliberation by her as whether to come home or not in the end they decided it was too late to ring me to come and get her. I think the problem is greatly enhanced if other kids mess about at bedtime as she doesnt do well without enough sleep. She has done this before when away on sleepovers but normally has a bit of a cry because she misses me, then someone (other child mum, teacher etc) gives her a cuddle and shes ok. I have said we will go and get her if theres the slightest issue and they ring us but she still says she doesnt want to go as shell miss me too much. She is also due to go on a 3 night school trip in September which she is worrying about too. We have said to use the Brownie trip as a practice so that she knows shell be ok for the school trip but I dont know whether to just not bother sending her. But I feel she really must go on the school trip as shell really miss out if she doesnt go AAARGH! Help!

Forgot to say there isnt anything 'traumatic' going on in her life which is making her like this - when you ask her why she gets upset she says 'I just miss you'.

I think it is entirely natural for some children. It might change in a couple of years. I went away at 11 with my school for a week and loved it, but I did feel a bit wobbly, and a year before I don't think I'd have been ready. Maybe telling her she can choose will take the pressure off. And maybe remind her if she doesn't go there are loads of good things she'll miss. Reverse psychology if you like. But don't worry about it too much at this stage. She'll hit puberty soon and get more independent.

My 9 year old DD was like this and I decided not to push anything on her, just let her decide what she feels capable of doing. Hard, as like you I felt she was missing out but she grew out of this phase in about six months and now goes off to sleepovers and brownie camps, with only a slight wobble and a bit of reassurance.

Yes I guess will just cancel the Brownie camp trip and hope that she changes her mind before the school trip (have already paid in full for that one £150

Don't make her go. I went off very confidently to a week long guide camp at 10.5y with good friends and very near home. It was my first time away from home (other than with aunts/grandparents) and was so homesick that I was physically sick and was sent home half way through. It was terrifyingly awful but the leaders and girls couldn't have been nicer or kinder and there was loads to do. I think a lot of it was the sleep thing. I can't tell you how good it was to get home and curl up in bed. Struggled with homesickness until about 15 - despite tackling trips away with enthusiasm and confidence. It will come but in time si I really woukdn't force the issue and reinforce the anxiety.

Thanks for replies - and yes maryz does make sense but I dont think it would be possible for her to go a day later than everyone else - her brownie leader is trying to be patient with her but I get the feeling that as she is the oldest brownie they have they expect her to be a bit braver really. On the weekend trip she had to sit out of the activities when she got upset as they didnt want her upsetting the others . Think its probably best to just leave it and keep my fingers crossed for September

Is it possible for her to get a bit of 'practice' staying over with family/friends? Maybe once a week or every two weeks until then? [You say you've cancelled the Brownie trip so up till the school one in September is plenty of time.]

I just suggest that because I stayed over with grandparents or my auntie/cousins once a week every week from the age of about three [my parents couldn't cope without every Saturday night out, apparently ] and I was never homesick except on occasions when I actually was sick [and that wasn't homesick for parents because they never used to look after me anyway when I was sick - I just wanted my own bed and for everyone else to leave me alone, still like that now!].

You could also maybe try sitting down with her to work out 'strategies' for what to do if she does feel homesick - like make sure she has things like favourite teddy, photo of you/family etc, which she can look at when she needs to, and she could have a chat with a friend, talk to a teacher, call you when that's possible, throw herself into activities, write you a letter [even if she doesn't get to send it] saying what she would say if you were there... Also you could perhaps make it a bit easier/more exciting for her by sending her with a little note tucked into her overnight bag, something to say hello, you hope she's having a good time, love her, whatever. That could help her feel like you're a bit 'nearer' maybe?

No idea if any of this would work with your DD in particular, but those are my suggestions.