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Swimming Help!

13 replies

BlackRock21 · 07/06/2010 21:27

Please help - all comments gratefully received!

My DH and I are at real loggerheads over our daughter and I would really appreciate some your thoughts!

DD turned 5 in February. Since she was 3 she's been having lessons and swims very well. DH has always been keen (understatement!) for her to learn and at first, she really enjoyed it. However, I feel that his keenness has turned into awful pushiness and she is now going in the other direction. I used to take her swimming once a week for fun after school with a friend but he has now decided to join us on that and this fun session has turned into an extension of her swimming lessons. I just want her to play and have fun.

We've just returned from 2 wks holiday where DD spent everyday swimming in the pool or in the sea snorkelling. She enjoys it and is very good; she can swim at least 25m breast stroke, front crawl etc. However, hubby seems unable to just let her play and is continually using bribes etc to get her to do more. Today was her first swimming lesson after holidays. She is more than capable of being 2 stages up from her class but today she decided she doesn't like swimming any more and totally refused to get in the water. Hubby went mad and is threatening never to take her swimming ever again (a huge over-reaction). Whereas, I think if we just ease off, leave her be, she'll want to do it in her own time. She can swim and that's all I'm worried about. However, he acts as if she's cut off both his legs (sorry - don't know how else to describe it).

Where is the line between encouraging and pushing? Am I too soft or is he too pushy?

Please help!

xx

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daisy243 · 07/06/2010 21:33

He sounds way too pushy, totally over the top. Did he miss out on his life's ambition and is now living through her??!!!
It sounds like your dd is fab and it's a real shame she is being turned off swimming. It sounds like your husband needs to have a chat to himself and work out why it is so important to him that she is super brilliant at the age of 5.
My dd has lessons. My only objective is that she will be as safe as possible near water.
Bee

JaMmRocks · 07/06/2010 21:36

He's being over the top IMO, she's only 5 and is already doing very, very well. He really does need to back off and make it less of a drama for her and she'll no doubt want to go again.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 07/06/2010 21:39

I think your husband should take some swimming lessons and join a swimming club.

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TheCappster · 07/06/2010 21:41

as long as she can get herself across a canal without drowning I'd let her do what she wants

is he like this about everything or is it just a swimming thing?

BlackRock21 · 07/06/2010 21:42

Thank you ladies!

It's so frustrating as she really is very good - I'm so proud! :-)

The thing is, I feel totally stuck in the middle between the two of them; feeling I need to back him up in front of her to show solidarity etc on the parenting front, but disagreeing with his ethics etc. How do I handle this? I've tried repeatedly telling him to back off, but he is too pig headed to see that he's too pushy.... :-( She has always been a mummy's girl and for a while they were getting closer, but I fear this will drive a wedge..... His very Victorian Dad wasn't around much when he was little and I wonder whether he just doesn't really know how to handle DD?

She is our only child and I adore her, but the quarrels between them are getting to be a real issue for the family and our marriage.... :-(

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BlackRock21 · 07/06/2010 21:44

Thank you - there were more posts as I was working on my second message.

TheCappster - I'm afraid he is rather like this with everything; he seems to have a problem in just letting her play and be a little girl.... :-(

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Portofino · 07/06/2010 21:49

Now this is the reason I organise proper lessons for stuff. DH is a perfectionist, I have no patience, and DD is very stubborn. It is a bad combination for formal learning.

DD has come on leaps and bounds with school swimming lessons. Learning with me always ended in tears. We go swimming and just have fun. She does as much or as little as she wants. I encourage and am proud mummy. Then we go have a jacuzzi. Win win all round.

Now, how to persuade our next door neighbour to help with learning to ride a bike....

BlackRock21 · 07/06/2010 21:54

She does actually attend formal swimming lessons, but it's when we go for fun that DH cannot help himself but to push for more, rather than let her be.

Thanks for making me realise I'm not too soft.... any advise on how to handle this with DH?

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daisy243 · 07/06/2010 21:58

Be honest with him and tell him not to come if he can't just have a relaxing, play swim. What is he hoping to gain?

paisleyleaf · 07/06/2010 22:06

You are right. It's important for your DD to be having fun with her swimming. For her, the things she can do for fun (playing with a beach ball/riding an inflatable dolphin etc) are the point in the lessons.
I don't know how best to deal with her dad though. Would a word from her swim teacher do any good do you think? A sort of reassurance of how super she's doing and how much children get out of having fun.

Portofino · 07/06/2010 22:07

Agree - tell him you are going for fun, and if he can't stand it, then he should stay home.

jmc112 · 08/06/2010 22:04

Would it help to point out that his pushiness is likely to have the opposite effect? i.e. the more he pushes her, the less she actually swims.

BlackRock21 · 09/06/2010 12:30

It is having this effect now. I've been warning him for months that he's too pushy and much as I hate to say 'I told you so', it is having a detrimental effect on her behaviour. I just want my little girl to have fun..... :-(

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