Any only child mums who have more than one child

[JamieJay]

Expecting first child this summer. DH and I are both only children and, assuming we survive parenthood the first time around , like the idea of having 2 children.

However I can't get my head around the dynamic of having more than one child, dealing with sharing, sibling rivalry, fights etc.

Did you find it harder to adapt to managing the relationship between your children when you'd not had the experience of siblings yourself??

Just idle pondering as it's obviously not an issue at this stage - just can't help but wonder and the unknown nature of it is making the idea of sticking at one appealing.......plus wondering about this is distracting me from the abject fear of dealing with a newborn when my only dependants to date have been various pets!!!

I am an only child, and I am now 14 weeks pregnant with my second. I have thought about what you are say a lot - I have NO experience of siblings, have no idea what it is like.

I did however know for sure that I did NOT want my dd to be an only child. DH had two siblings so at least he knows what he is doing

Ask me again in a year and I'll let you know how it is going...

My Mum was an only child and found it hard to deal with the amount of squabbling her three did, she didn't realise it was normal!

I'm an only. DH one of three. I too was adamant that I didn't want just one, so have two now at primary school.

TBH you just kind of get used tothe dynamics - it's not as if number 2 comes along and there's a dynamic there immediately - it develops over time. Yes they argue, fight, squabble etc. But they also go on bike rides together, play games together, make each other giggle.

I don't really manage the relationship between them per se, only in as much as I'm trying to generally instill values such as respect and mutual support.

I'm not sure it's any easier or harder having two as opposed to one. Some bits are easier, some harder.

They are both very different though personality-wise!

Titchy - are you me?! I'm an only child, dh is one of 3 and we have 2 girls.

I have to admit I find the noise/squabbling hard to cope with on occasion but generally it's fine. As Titchy says the relationship/dynamic between the dc develops slowly and you have plenty of time to adapt as it does so.

My girls get on really well and it's lovely seeing the bond they have, makes me sad that I didn't have it growing up tbh.

Thanks for the thoughts guys.

I guess I find it a bit harder to imagine as I never wished I had a sibling growing up where as DH spent quite a bit of time wishing he had someone to share/play with.

However when ever I imagine future Christmas' I always see multiple children (a friends slightly bizarre but effective advice for helping decide how many children you want!!)

I didn't wish for siblings growing up either, but seeing a sibling relationship at close quarters has made me wonder what I missed out on. What you don't have, you don't miss I guess.

Yaffle - yes i am you...

I am an only, Dh has a sister.
I am the one who find it easier to deal with all the sibling rilvary etc... lol

What I have found is that I had no expectation re what siblings do and that actually it was a help. DH has this idea that siblings don't/can't get along (as he doesn't get along with his sister). I had no preconcieved ideas and in some ways it helps.

I found though that reading a bit about siblings rilvary before having mysecond (just as I read a few 'baby books' before my first) was quite helpfull.

Then I just made it up along

JamieJay, I think we have the opposite problem - DH and I both have sisters and have just found out that DC2 is a girl to go with our DS1. DH has had to really adjust to this as he didn't like his sisters growing up and reckons DS would have been happy as an only. I think we might have the same thing as LittleBudaOnLine as he doesn't think they will get on at all...

So I would say that you've got as much hope as anyone and probably more as you can make it up as you go along (like the rest of parenting then!)

ProfYaffle - in my experience you mostly missed out on arguments, stealing toys/money etc. and hand me downs. Courduory dungarees were bad the first time and THEN to get the hand-me-downs!!!

we're both only children and now have 2.5yr DD and 7 weeks DS. Its a bit soon yet but she adores him I'm also interested in how the dynamics will work. I just don't know. However I consider that in providing her with a sibling we have given DD a great gift, and hopefully they will always be there for each other, especially when we have long gone! Hope they get along as adults.

Thanks all.

I guess it's made harder for me to imagine by the fact my dad was also an only and my mum has one sister but they don't get on (to the degree that her sister didn't bother coming to my fathers funeral!)

Guess we'll just have to see how we cope with DD and they debate the perfect age gap

I am an only with 3 dc. It can be a bit overwhelming at times.

I had a tendency to try and treat them all as only children at first which knocked me out a bit. Then I calmed that down when I realised of course it's not possible to maintain that and everything they get equals out in the long run.

I do sometimes feel bad that I can't give them as much individual attention as I'd like. Then again I remember that 100% focus was actually what I was trying to avoid with my own family. One of the reasons I wanted more than one dc, if possible, was that I found it quite oppressive when I was growing up. And quiet.

I am learning that the general mayhem and inevitable sibling fall outs are actually quite normal and a good thing. I remind myself to step back and let them sort things out for themselves (which they always do quite satisfactorily).It's a great way to learn to negotiate.

I wish I'd had their childhood. It's so much more fun than mine was.

I so ead that wrong
I read it as that you were both still children.
As in I am only a child...
must get more sleep

I'm an only with 2. Agree that it's difficult to gauge what is normal sibling squabbles and what is brotherly abuse. But most of all I'm constantly overwhelmed by how fantastic it is to see the sibling bond in action between my boys. I love seeing dh and my genes in more than one combination, the private jokes that our two dss share between themselves and the support they give each other when things get tough.

Having more than one has given me that feeling of busy crowded messy noisy family life with all banter that I felt I kind of missed out on as a lonely-only in rather a straight-laced family myself.