How to get them to listen.

[schmontilidrop]

DD is 4 and half. She does not listen at all. Now, most of the time, in response to something in get ' huh'

im beginning to wonder if i need to get her hearing checked as she cant hear me, or if she is just not listening.

She picked up the hose and started winding it in when i hadnt finished with it, i said ' no, leave the hose' and she just carried on.. i repeated myself about 4 times before screeching at her like a banshee.

I dont like having to constantally repeat myself, getting louder and louder. I can understand why my mum probably constantly repeats herself all the time now, its a result of having 4 kids.

DD was eating an ice cream ( cone type one) she was just sticking it in her mouth and biting, so i tried to tell her how to eat it so it wouldnt do that and spill everywhere. she just said, ' you shouldnt talk with your mouth full mummy' ( i too was eating an ice cream) and then she got in a strop when the whole thiing fell apart and fell on the floor.

I said to her, that if she had listend to me that would not have happened. but she just said ' huh'

Can someone help becuase i do not want to keep sounding like a stuck record.

thanks

I had both my boys (age 5 and 3) hearing tested. They can both hear fine it turns out. They just don't listen! I was just the same as you. I am still. Repeat everything about 5 times, screech like banshee - result.

I did ask DS1 why I had to repeat everything 5 times then shout it before he did it and he just looked a bit blank and said "i don't know!"

Get her hearing checked for sure, but don't be surprised if entirely normal!

sometimes you have to physically intervene, and actually stop them doing stuff. And sometimes you will have to repeat yourself. I dont know many parents who never have to do this

And about the ice cream-that just sounds like fussy nagging on your part I'm afraid. So what if she makes a mess? Saying 'I told you so' does not help.

Get her hearing checked. But children do need to learn by experiencing it first hand. By eating the ice cream in the way that she did, she has learnt something.
Children do learn to switch off.

She wont have learnt, she will just do the same again.

I might have been a bit naggy about it, but ive been sick for 3 days, not eating ( until last night) tired and really fed up and did not need to be cleaning up spilt ice cream. All i was trying to tell her was to eat the sides and turn it round, not stick the whole thing in her mouth and bite it.

Its just been exhasberating these last few days, the constant repeating of everything, i feel like a right nag. Patience is wearing thin ( mostly from being ill probably, and not being at work, not much adult contact and just days at home)

Even my sister ( who came round yesterday) said how she wasnt listening to a single thing and was trying everyones patience.

Schmon, you say you've been ill. your DD is probably just feeling that she deserves more attention. She knows exactly how to get it too. Children are very clever at pushing the right buttons. they learn it at an early age.

If you were doing something your DH or DP didn't want to do and he said, 'don't do that,' what would you do? I know I wouldn't meekly jump to his order - but if he said, 'oh, I'm still using that, could you leave it for a few minutes?' I'd probably comply, as that's a reasonable request and gives me a reason why what I'm doing isn't helpful.

Not saying a 4yo is an adult, or that this approach would necessarily work straight away - but it's worth starting now as this will only get worse as she gets older and starts to shout back.

It's a matter of working on your approach, particularly the language you use, and finding other ways to get the result you want without barking orders or nagging.

Not easy when you're ill, though - maybe nag away for the next few days.

Getting her hearing checked is a good idea, so you can be sure it's not that. If it turns out it's fine [which is likely] then you can work on changing your behaviour so hers will change.

Like OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper said, the language you use is important. I've never liked being TOLD what to do, and have always always questioned it. I generally don't repond to orders, but often respond to polite requests. Manners cost nothing, etc. I treat children in the same way I expect to be treated, i.e. even when something is clearly non-negotiable ["Do not throw that at the window, please, or it will break,"] I'm still phrasing it as a request.

Some kids though will either ignore you or not bother listening because they don't see the point [i.e. what you're saying when you use THAT tone of voice isn't interesting]. Start using consequences. I find a great way to get kids to listen is by saying, "If I have to ask again, consequence such as losing privilege/time out/star off chart etc will happen." It takes them a few times to learn the lesson that you mean what you say, but after that they soon come to realise that when you talk you expect to be listened to. Of course, this also goes both ways - you have to afford your DD the same respect and listen to her, even when you know she's just talking rubbish.