Have realised Im over protective-how to stop ?

[mumto2andnomore]

This half term I have realised that in some ways Im over protective of my children but dont know how to change. For example this week we were at a busy park with my inlaws and I couldnt relax and sit at the side like the other parents were doing but had to constantly have my eye on DS6. I was trying to avoid that point where you look around and cant see your child as that throws me into panic.I am a lot more relaxed with DD11 who goes out on her own with friends now.

He is a sensible boy (usually ) and wouldnt go off by himself I dont really know what im worried about but just that something will happen and I wont be able to find him again.

Am I mad ? My mum is the same as me, the in laws are much more relaxed 'let him go off, he'll come back when he wants a drink 'etc

Well if you are mad then so am I. I don't take my eyes off my DS age 9. I was the same with my DDs. I think to a certain extent it is the sensible thing to do. I suffer from anxiety and take medication.
If you allow your DD11 more freedom then you are obviously not taking it too far. It is just the way you are wired, I wouldn't worry about it.

I am too I normally position myself where I know the dc are most likely to play.

Thanks, maybe Im normal then !

I am like this too but not sure if it is normal or not. I have friends like this but maybe that doesn't mean it is normal, just that similar people get together. Lots of people tell me I'm being overanxious. I've been reading that other thread about letting your kids do what they want (the 'Huckleberry Finn' thread) and I feel scared reading it. I've decided to let go control over the children gradually bit by bit and see how much I can trust them with. I mean really little things like not making DS(5) hold hands on the way to school and not bolting the back gate when they are playing in the garden but telling them to stay in the garden and seeing if they do. I'm hoping that if they show me I can trust them I'll 'let go' with more things.

Im also like this but ds is only 3 so think im allowed to be for a few more years

At nine I see that as massively over protective. I wouldn't even BE at the park never mind stalking their every move.

When you say DS6 do you mean your sixth son or did you forget to use a comma and gap before the 6?
With a six year old i would be at the park but i'd be Reading my book and waiting for him to come and
bug me for a drink or snack. I stop watching
their every move when they start at school.

I mean my son who is 6 sorry didnt realise I needed a comma and a gap !

Im off to read the other thread now

I've been thinking about this some more and maybe a way to feel less anxious is to make sure you are teaching your children what to do to stay safe, eg talk to them about staying on the path and off the road and how to cross roads, and not going off with strangers etc. Sometimes 'problems' feel better if you feel you have/or are doing something about them and it takes your mind off just worrying. (I'm telling myself this as much as telling anyone else as it's something I find difficult too.)

Invite lots of his mates round, then take them all out to the park. You soon won't be physically able to keep your eye on all of them, and you'll give up worrying about it!

Seriously though, it is a spectrum...I think these days it is more normal to not be comfortable to take your eyes off your child out in public, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. I take my cousin's kids out a lot both with her and on my own [four of them all under eight] and work the same way she does - at the park they know not to go outside the fence so we leave them to it. On their bikes they have to stop at roads and not go round corners where we can't see them. I don't even make the two year old hold my hand unless we're crossing a road [but then she's not a runner - if she was I would].

The other day I was in a shop with all of them and we were trying to get a torch sorted out that we'd just bought but wasn't working. One was whining about needing a wee and he really does have the smallest bladder ever, so I made the decision to take the youngest three off and leave the seven year old on his own sorting out the problem in the shop, just told him to stay there and we'd be back in a minute or two. He was fine.

OrdinarySAHM has it right I think; if you're trying to become less over-protective then do little things bit by bit, to make sure you can trust him and he knows what to do if he does get into any bother. And re-iterate the rules of staying safe constantly so they're drummed into him.