How will dc's react to my new baby with their step dad?? Worried!

[kipperthedog]

Hi all

Hope I've posted this in the right topic! I have 2 dc's age 7 & 5 from my ex H who live with me full time. I have a lovely partner who lives with us & loves my dc vey much. I'm now pg with his child & I'm worried how my dc will react when they find out & when the baby comes. Although of course we'll do everything we can to help them be involved & reassure them that we love them just as much, I worry that deep down they might resent it being with us when they go to their Dad's or feel like they are not properly a part of our family IYKWIM.

Does anyone have any experience of this please & if so how did your dc's react & tips with dealing with any problems gratefully received.

Thanks

I have experience from the other side - I reacted very, very badly to my parents' dc with subsequent partners. I still feel bad about how awful I was tbh.

Is there any chance you could all as a family get some professional help so the dc can deal with their feelings before the new baby arrives?

Oh I'm sorry to hear things were bad for you. How old were you when other siblings arrived if you don't mind my asking? Hadn't considered we might need professional help tbh.

I was about 3 when my dad had his first, but he died so it was all a bit weird, don't know hat my reaction was like with that one. Then another at 5 from my dad and 8 and 10 from my mum.

It was the ones when I was 5 and 8 that I still feel bad about. I pushed my crawling baby brother down the stairs once (you can imagine how that went down with sm). I was similarly dreadful with my little sister a few years later.

Looking back on it I can see that it was really hard for me to stop being the baby, made worse by the fact that everyone expected me to be old enough to not be jealous! I wonder whether if I had been given a forum where I could express my fears and be reassured I would have been better.

I'm not saying your dc will be the same, but it is a difficult thing for them and I think you are right to be concerned. I'm not a horrible person, honest, and I love all my siblings very much now, but I wish things had been done differently at the time.

Actually I am the other way when my mum had another baby with my step dad I was fine but then it might be because I was the apple of my step dad's eye (he had two children from a previous relationship). Me and my step dad were very close as we shared similar interests so I never felt threatened.

I would set aside a activity that your dp does with just your two dc which should not be a problem because they are close in age and the baby is going to have quite a big age gap. Also IME men tend to prefer spending time with older children as opposed to babies.

Its highly important that your Dh spends quality time with the older two. From experience, its very easy to push the existing children out once you have one of your own and this can cause problems that go on into adulthood.

Agree that that's a good thing, but there was never an issue there with sd - I was (and still am, more than 20 years after he split up from my mum) very close to him.

Actually Kipper I would say it's you that needs to spend a massive amount of time with the older not your husband if anything give him the boring old newborn to look after whilst you spend quality and quantity time doing exciting things with the older two.
I was the eldest of 4, 2 were half siblings and they were so spoilt, naughty and such a handful I was utterly ignored and my sister became like the hired maid. The only way mum could cope.
Sister lives 10 000 miles away and I bearly speak to either parent so not a success story.