DD (5) ran off for about 20 mins yesterday near a canal and a busy road.

[lowlibido]

It frightened the life out of me, and she was completely unfazed and unrepentant. In the heat of the moment I told her that the next time we go out she would have to wear reins, so that I could keep an eye on her.

Is this an unreasonable "punishment"? I guess it's going to be pretty humiliating for her (she's uber-independent, hence her bid for freedom yesterday). OTOH, I feel that I can't back down on what I said, as she really needs to understand how dangerously she acted.

I'd do the reins

I'd do a wrist strap, and make her hold hands all the time - and do that on a few trips. She's old enough to understand that running off is dangerous, so if she won't abide by that, you have to take steps

Hmm, I don't have a wrist strap, and I won't be able to buy one today before we go out. I wonder if I can adapt the reins?? I'll have a look.

On a slight tangent, what do you think of this idea? I think she really needs a bit more freedom. She's nearly 5 and a half, and is still at Nursery. She'll be starting primary school in Aug. I think she's outgrowing her preschool routines / rules, and that yesterday's abscondment was a rebellion against being babied too much.

Perhaps I should let her do more "risky" things? e.g. we have a charity shop a few doors down on our road. Could I let her go down there by herself for a browse? We have walkie-talkies that she could take. I do trust her not to walk into the road. Not so sure about "not talking to strangers" as she's extremely gregarious and chats with everyone all the time.

What other "grown up" things could she do?

Walkie talkies. Seriously? I'd be happy for my dd to walk a couple of doors down, but initially I would probably send her with a donation rather than let her browse. My dd would reserve half the shit stock.

She's too little for much more independence in my view. Hence the running off yesterday. You just need to keep reiterating how dangerous it is.

I'd do the reins.
Letting her go to the shop on her own? No chance.

If you don't have one, then use the reins.

I wouldn't let a 5 year old down the road on their own, especially one that had run off like that.
But I would give her her own purse, and be in the shop together and let her go and pay for her own things with you on the other side of the shop sort of thing. Equally, I let my 4 year old cross the (very quiet) road in front of our house on his own to go and buy his own ice cream from the van while I stand in front of the house - he thinks it is v grown up, but is v v low risk in actuality

What's odd about walkie talkies? Serious question!

She has to show she can consistently be responsible for her own safety with you before going out anywhere alone - shop on her own, no way. Remember she will have to cope at school, on her own and that will help her learn about risk and responsibility. I'd go for firm hand holding rather than a restraint - take the reins if you prefer but I'd try that first and only use if she plays up.

Before I read your OP, I thought 'reins'. But then at 5, maybe a wrist strap would certainly give her a little shock & may work to keep her close in future.

But no, would deff not let her go to the shop on her own.

Agree with the others, she's just shown that she can't really be trusted with too much independence, however much she may want it.

I like CMOT's idea about going with her but giving her her own money and letting her get on with it.

And I think I'd take the reins with me and tell her if there are any repeat incidences then you'll use them - rather than putting them on her straight away.

The walkie talkie idea just tickled me. I had visions of a bravo two zero type converstation.

we have A LOT of bravo two zero type fun when we go out for walks.

DH likes to spell out rude words in his pretend copper voice.

Whisky alpha november kilo...over

Papa echo november india sierra...do you read me?

Much hilarity.

Reins - yes.

Walkie talkies to go shopping alone = don't be so stupid.

I'm kind of surprised that the verdict is such a resounding "no" on her going to the shop by herself. It is literally about four doors down on the same side of the road. In fact walkie talkies wouldn't even be necessary....I could just yell!

Anyhow, I won't try it...I just thought I was maybe being overprotective and not giving her enough freedom...she is my PFB

I defo wouldn't let my 5 year old out (even a short distance) without me. However there are a few things she has/does that she deems to be grown up....She answers the phone (annoying at times), opens the door to her friends, puts the tv on in the morning (downstairs) and gets her and her little sister a drink (apple juice in a carton with a straw). She gets £1 pocket money on Saturday (she loses 5p for bad behaviour, so sometimes it isn't a £1) she can spend it on what she likes, or saves it for something. And has even been known to have a squirt of my perfume for a party! So in her mind she is doing big girl things, bless her!
Bee

Thank you daisy243 Those are all good suggestions. I've been doing the pocket money thing too, although I've been trying to give her 1-5p for doing "good things" (e.g. scooting to/from nursery without moaning). It does get a bit burdensome keeping a tally though. Might try your idea instead.

My 5 year old is chafing a bit too, due to start school in August, thinks she's a big girl etc. She loves going into the corner shop to buy milk while I hover outside and I was wondering whether I might let her go to the shop on her own & watch her from the gate. I did read somewhere though that you simply cannot trust kids until the age of 8 or so as they don't develop common sense or an idea of consequences until then.

I bought out the wrist strap for DD when she was 5 , she kept running off into the main road after school. It worked a treat, I only had to produce them once.