Consequences! Best way of showing that Mummy knows best?

[Portofino]

Usually?

I have a 6 you who is very bloody minded determined! She is growing up now, so I think I should no longer "dictate" about certain things - clothes, activities etc. (Obviously for some things I am keeping foot firmly down - sweeties, safety, sleep etc)

So in this spirit of fostering independance, where do you draw the line? For example:

If you KNOW that the new sandals will rub if she wears them without socks, but she insists they are fine....

If you KNOW that if she takes her lastest Littlest Pet Shop thingy to school it will be stolen/borrowed/lost....

If you KNOW that the bag of "essential stuff" she insists on bringing on the family day out a( isn't essential b) daddy will end up carrying it

So do what degree do you insist that they DON'T do these things vs telling them it is a bad idea and letting them find out why....

I don't actually have a child yet, but my gut feeling is that I would let them find out the consequences in all those situations if they were determined to try.

And then hopefully after the first couple where you warn them, but allow them anyway, then next time they might realise that you probably do know best.

sandals - i would let her find out if possible but not on an all day trip IYSWIM, only for short trips.

littlest pet shop thing - I wouldn't let her take in (not a fan of nice toys going to school) but would explain why. Probably wouldn't hurt though to let her do it as long as she knew you wouldn't be replacing it.

'essential stuff' - daddy would not be carrying it. She would have to carry it herself all day.

My ds is 5.8 yo and also incrediably bloody minded strong willed/independant.

Sandals - I would let her wear them but have a pair of socks in my pocket and try very hard not to do any I told you so-ing when they became necessary.

Toys to school - yes, their toy, they decide. It's theri property after all.

Bag - if she wants it she carries it.

But really really really try not to add a little homily when you turn out to be right! I have a horrible tendency to do this - and it's not fair!

Trouble is, it can take many cycles of problem-consequence, problem-consequence for them to accept what is happening. E.g. no-coat-you-will-be-cold. You let them do this once, next time they are still saying they'll be fine without a coat. So it happens again. Next time it happens again, and they are so cold they are crying. Next time it still happens again!

Also, I think you have to figure out whether the natural consequences will be acceptable, e.g. cold for 10 minutes as they walk to school, or cold all day when you go out for the day.

Let them do it once so next time you can say, do you remember last time? Do you want to decide something different? So they still think it's their choice. If they still decide to forego socks etc, you have a future MP in the making.

LOL at MP. I can see her more as a Prison Officer type....

"Best way of showing that Mummy knows best?"

Wait 30 years. Only way ime.

I have a VERY similar 6yo, Portofino...

WRT your OP, I kind of let her get on with it. But will point out what the likely consequences of her actions might be

SO: She has returned from a day out with a blister, lost her go-go hamster... the list goes on

It does sometimes work... she is sometimes more likely to listen to my pov about things

DD is 3. I talk to her. If she wants to take a huge bag of toys out with her I explain why it's not a good idea, point out that I won't be carrying it and suggest alternatives. A small bag with one chosen toy for example. Nearly always works as she's involved in the decision and feels like she's making choices about her own clothes/toys etc.

The sandals thing, I'd just take socks out with me in my bag and offer her the choice of putting them on if the shoes began to rub.

DD decides, within reason, what she wants to wear and if she picks something inappropriate (I don't mean clashing, I mean slippers when it's raining heavily), I talk to her and explain the problem and she picks something else.

I'm raising a negotiator.

Agree with TheArmadillo - DSD always takes a bag of crap essential items out with her and it always ends up being held by daddy or hung on the back of the buggy bashing off my legs.
But who am I to say anything when daddy lets her do it......

Daddys can be far too soft imho