have you been present when someone gave birth

[lilmamma]

my daughter and her partner are expecting their first baby in december.My daughter wants me to be in the room with them.They are both only just 17,and naturally nervous.

\the thing is I have had 4 children,but never been down the other end,and also i did my own thing.Has anyone been to a birth,and how much did they get involved.

I know like how to tell her how to use the gas etc,but dont want to go in and look as if im taking over,but then again want to help my daughter as much as i can.

any ideas ?

I have been with 2 close friends and with my daughter when the grandchildren arrived. Its a great privilege to see a lttle one into the world. Holding her hand, giving words of encouragement and staying calm will all be appreciated. Your daughter will be being instructed by the midwife anyway, I'm sure you won't be in the way. But remember things are done very differently than they probably were when you had yours. You can be on stand by with juice, damp cloth to mop the brow. Oh and bone up on a few accupressure points which help during labour.

I have been with 2 close friends and with my daughter when the grandchildren arrived. Its a great privilege to see a lttle one into the world. Holding her hand, giving words of encouragement and staying calm will all be appreciated. Your daughter will be being instructed by the midwife anyway, I'm sure you won't be in the way. But remember things are done very differently than they probably were when you had yours. You can be on stand by with juice, damp cloth to mop the brow. Oh and bone up on a few accupressure points which help during labour.

I was with my sister (and her partner) when her second baby was born. It was an amazing experience and I felt very honoured. I hadn't had my own daughter then, though, so had no experience to offer. I don't think that's what she wanted - as minimammoth says, the midwife gave instructions anyway. I think she wanted company and the support of my just being there. I held her hand when she wanted me to, got her water etc when she asked for it and told her she was doing brilliantly (though I had no idea if she was or not!).

I think the answer is to help her if she asks you to, gently suggest things if you think they will help (like how to use the gas and air effectively if she isn't), look out for your daughter's boyfriend (eg suggest he eats) so he can support her; otherwise just be there.

Good luck - it'll be great and you sound lovely.

Thanks for your replies,my youngest is 12 now,so things are probably different,as everything changes so much.my husband sat more or less between my legs with no2,i defently wont be doing that haha..

Just go with the flow, your dd just wants a familiar face and advocate in case she can't think straight or is just scared. You know what to expect and can help her focus.
It is a fantastic experience and one I would jump at if it came up again. I was birth partner for exps cousin (friend) for her dd2, who's 18 next week.
My dd has been birth partner for both her older sisters dcs so it's almost become a family tradition

Only the cat - am very jealous

I was with craigs gf when she gave nirth
It was amazing

definitely just go with the flow

I was with DD2 when she had her DD. I definitely stayed up at the head end and studiously ignored anything at the business end when I had to traverse the room for any reason.

I didn't do much really except be there for her, rub her back and encourage her to do what she felt was necessary-which she certainly did !So much so that she didnt touch G&A at all, was on all fours when DGD was born and therefore I was the first to see and touch the baby. I didn't pick her up though .

It was a great experience for us and DGD and I have a very special bond >soppy granny emoticon

I was with my sister when my niece was born 6 years ago. What an amazing experience.

Since then I've had 2 dd's of my own and my mum was present both times as she was my midwife.

But the benefit I found was when I was in the second stage and consultant was present she was telling me what to do and I just wasn't listening then I heard my mums stern voice tellling me to "listen to consultant" and "stop making stupid noises and focus energy on pushing" (in an encouraging not telling off way, well maybe just a bit). But it certainly encouraged me to focus.

So I agree with other posters on encouragement but the stern encouragement certainly worked with me!

haha lola,i will be doing the stern mummy voice :P
iam looking forward to it,and hope that iam able to be of some help to them both,without taking over or being a complete wimp..

Yup, my Mum (with my younger brother) and two of my older sisters and myself obviously!

well done morloth,you must be a pro by now

I was with my best friend when she gave birth, and i was 12 weeks pg with my first! i thought that was vv brave of me!

It was her third birth though and i think it gave me false hope! I was all like, oh that wasn't so bad, only a few hours of the really bad pain and she managed just fine with just gas and air. if she can do it i can....

cue, 6 months down the line, me mooing like a cow, begging for epidural and shouting for people in the corridor to pleeeeease help me!

My best friend said later that she didnt have the heart to tell me that third births can be somewhat different to first ones!!!

Was a great experience nontheless!

haha mooing like a cow,your funny..

I was with my best friend when her pfb was born earlier this year. My pfb was due two weeks later. She'd had a hard time in pregnancy, including the sad death of her partner. And now the home birth was off the cards, as she was overdue and in for induction in the middle of the night, after many sleepless nights in hospital waiting for a bed on the delivery suite. To cut a long story short she ended up with every intervention she didn't want, bar a cs. I found i was so busy mopping her brow with a flannel that being down the business was never even up for consideration, no doubt much to everyones relief. I knew my friend would respond better to encouragement than sternness. You will know how to approach this for your dd. In my labour i couldn't bare to be touched. Another friend survived by having water poured down her back. We're all different, just try not to seem suprised or put out by any requests...no matter how out of characture! Make it clear you are there to help her in any way she needs. Try not to let your own experiences colour your expectations. The midwife will cover technical stuff, just be there for your dd!

Can you go to antenatal classes with your dd and her partner? I don't know about the nhs ones but we did nct (there is a cost but big reductions available. See if they run any for younger parents, i have a hunch they might.) It will give you a chance to get up to speed on things and discuss them with your dd and her dp. Ours covered what happens during labour, inc complications, when to go to hospital or call the midwife, pain relief and how birth partners can support the mother. I think the nct website has fact sheets you can download which might help. Discussing there things befor hand will help you to help her make decisions when the time comes.

Ina may gaskins guide to childbirth has lots of tips for birthpartners i seem to recall. Her approach isn't for everyone but maybe you could have a look and see if it will be usefull for you and your dd. It also contains lots of positive birth stories. The media likes to portray it as always horrific, and i imagin your dd might not have many friends with positive experiences to share. Generally reassure her that her body is very clever and can do this!

Oh, and i moo-ed too. Low sounds are much better for loosening you up than tight high pitched ones!