Nearly 3yo DS obsessed with me, being really mean to DH :(

[BettyButterknife]

I'm 34 weeks pg with our second child, and DS1 will be 3 in July (10 days after this baby is due).

For the past month or so, DS has been really unkind to my DH - saying 'go away, daddy, only want mummy', crying, not wanting to be physically affectionate with him.

In contrast he is so clingy and obsessed with me that it's becoming really quite hard to deal with. I am so tired and really don't have the energy to be uber-attentive to his every whim and could really do with DH being 'allowed' and able to share some of the load.

Is this normal at this age? Is it the pregnancy? Perhaps a combination of both...

Anyway, whatever the cause, does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this type of behaviour, or do we just have to wait it out?

I think it's probably the pg - he's probably a bit worried about you.

If ds is anything to go by, you just have to wait it out until the baby is born - and then it will be the other way round.

Ds1 regularly says 'go away' to one of us. I don't think it's mean, dc this age just say things like that.

Ok, thanks ib. Here's hoping it's a short-lived phase. DH is so upset about it - tonight DS said he didn't love DH and didn't want him to put him to bed. Very sad.

My DS1 has just turned 3. He is very much all for me and not DP. We have decided to ignore it for now but find it quite funny when DP arrives home and DS1 says to DS2 (20 months) - here is "your" Daddy L . I say - he is your Daddy too, to which he replies no, he is Ls Daddy not mine!

betty DD was just like this when I was pregnant with DS and for a little while after she was also very clingy.

DS is now 6 months old, and while DD still wants her mama it is more because she enjoys being with me rather than through insecurity, although perhaps part of it. She now loves her daddy very much again!

I think it is in part his age, and a large part is his feelings/insecurities around you being pregnant. How much does he know, have you explained what is going on? Ie he knows he is going to be a brother? Have you been unwell in this pregnancy, perhaps he is worried about you? This was suggested to me in my pregnancy as DD was very hard work, I had severe sickness, so DD was worried, but that aside, she was aware of things like me having to go to hospital (it frightened her), seeing the doctor. Maybe he is worried about you being 'unwell'? He knows daddy is there, daddy is always there, but maybe he is for some reason not so sure you will always be there, so pushes daddy away as he is not going anywhere, but clingy with mummy as he thinks you are going somewhere/relationship is changing? I think this was the problem with DD, right up to the last couple of months.

I was recommended a good book called 'There's a House Inside my Mummy' which i read to DD, aimed at toddlers. I could send it to you if you like as we don't need it now?

I also meant to say, it will pass. Reassure your DH that it is not personal to him, in fact, it is a sign he is comfortable with DH that he feels he can express himself this way, he knows daddy will love him, so he can be this way. He does not know how to show his fear/confusion. But it will definitely pass, just keep doing things with him, both of you, maybe DH can do some more things with him too, more than normal (that might well happen when baby no2 arrives anyway, so will help him get used to it). But hang tight and he will love his daddy again.

DS is the same age as yours and has started saying he wants one of us (or one of our pets, depending on his mood) to "go to a horrible place" and sending us away. It gets a great reaction, from his point of view - so I've developed a thick skin and I ignore it. He's usually all sweetness within a short time.

I too am pregnant, I sympathise - you don't need any more stress just now!

I am sure it will pass. He's probably feeling a little conscious of the changes ahead and trying to preserve his babyhood (ours demands to "be a baby" after a bath by being wrapped in a towel ).

Sympathy to you both though.

Thank you all so much, DH has read your replies and feels better that it's not personal!

oh DS has been doing the baby thing too - keeps asking for milk in a bottle and crawling into my lap for a baby cuddle.

Pavlov that's really kind of you about the book - yes please. Should I CAT you?

yes CAT me and I will post it to you, will be good to know it might be of use to another parent to be with a toddler.