My 8 yo DS told me to 'shut up'. WWYD?

[winnybella]

We had to go and pick up a new charger for my MacBook. When we were getting off the bus on the way back, he got off first and I was still on, trying to figure out how to get off with dd's buggy, as the bus was parked awkwardly. Anyway, I asked him to grab the front of the buggy, he didn't do anything, I asked again, he said 'shut up, I can't get a hold of it'.
I think he was a bit flustered etc about how to do it, but he often talks back, isn't polite etc.
We do 50/50 with his father, so a week here, week there and frankly I'm not sure it's working anymore as he's showing behaviour that I always hated in ex- lack of respect for others, being rude, feeling of entitlement etc
I told him he's punished til the end of his week with me ie til Friday, no DS, no TV, no desserts.
Any other ideas?
I'm feeling really down, dd had a HUGE tantrum in the Apple store, her first proper one. Really, sometimes I feel like I'm not made to be a parent.

Oh dear, I get a lot of this from DC, I give them a calm reminder that that's not a nice way to talk and we start the conversation over.

So maybe we're both terrible parents... I think DC talk a lot to other kids like that, so it becomes second nature.

Hmmm...I guess...still...am feeding them lunch so will be away for a bit.

For what it's worth, this is what I would think:
It's always easier to say what you would do about something like this, than to actually do it in the situation when you're feeling tired and stressed.
Ideally, I would not say anything. I'd get off the bus. Once you get off the bus, go somewhere quietish - at the side of the pavement - I would say, in as positive and smiling (even half-joking) a way as I could muster "Hey! I don't like people talking to me like that!(Don't forget to SMILE and look strong and self-confident and on his side, all at once! )) It makes me feel small having someone tell me to shut up. But I'm not small. I'm ok." , then I would open my arms to offer him a cuddle, if it felt appropriate. I might even say to him that if someone tells him to shut up, he doesn't have to accept it either and say something like "you and me don't let other people tell us to "shut up", do we!".
I wouldn't punish him - it seems like he needs support and punishment just doesn't help (see "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn).
I don't know how he'd react to this. It's not easy, is it.
Definitely don't feel down! Which parent hasn't been there? It's so hard to actually respond in a situation like this and somehow it's always when you're at the end of your tether after a hard shopping trip or something!

I think your punishment is WAY too harsh for this incident.

I would also do the taking aside thing, and would speak to him in a very serious tone telling him that he is not showing respect etc.

I would then say that as a consequence he is losing his DS (or whatever) for that evening.

I would add that each time he "talks down" to you there will be a consequence. I would make this consequence ONE of the things you are doing, not all.

I think the trick is to be consistent with every incident of misbehaviour, rather than a massive crackdown over one incident, having let others go.

Easier said than done, I suppose.

Well, it is the first time he said that, but not the first time he's been rude and disrespectful. He's 8, fgs, not 4. He knows it's wrong. We (DP and I) never talk like that to anyone.
Shall I let him off ie punished just today, not til Friday?

Oh, and thanks for your replies!

What I mean is that he's got an attitude problem and not that he's just using inappriopriate language he heard from/is using with his friends without realising it's wrong iyswim.