I want second child badly and DH says NO!so sad

[callmemamma]

I have a 2yo dd and was thinking that we should try for another child as I am 35 this year and don't want to leave it for too late.DH was fine about that only few months ago but yesterday we had this serious talk about it and he changed his mind completely and says NO.I am devastated and at the moment feel like I can never be happy again
His reasoning is that we won't cope financially with 2 dc as it's mortgage to pay etc and I think we should be fien as it wont be much extra cost.I am right to think that?
Please give me some hope that I will make him want another child...Anyone in the similar situation?

As the parents of an only child aged 6, we spend a lot of time playing with our son,more direct time than parents of siblings of this age, because he is sad not having a sibling and is not great at entertaining himself. OK that's partly our fault, but some children are quite happy on their own, and a lot aren't. When we aren't playing with him, we are spending time organising visits from/to friends and what not, just to get him what most children with siblings just have, someone to play with.

I wouldn't give up hope, but I think you need to discuss the figures in more detail than just 'not much extra cost'. Best of luck.

I think the biggest cost could be time off work for you or childcare. Can you think a way that could have less of a financial impact.

well he's changed his mind once! Think what you need to do here is back down a bit - you cannot 'make him want another child'. He has his worries / concerns and they are valid - you can't just argue the point and badger him down.

You can, however help hm enjoy the child that he has. Focus on the fun stuff.. leave all formal discussion / pressure of wanting another child. Then bit later down the line, n a relaxed moment, the comments about how nice it would be for her to have sibling etc can be made. Then leave alone. Give him to chance to come round himself

Mine was adamant he didn't want any more after our first (v complicated situation) Am pg with no 3 sans deceipt, trickery, drunkeness or imploring

We have 2 a 3.9 year old dd and 8m old ds. the biggest stinger financially for us is going to be the double bubble year when they're both at nursery but that will drop right down nest year when dd starts school.

other than that not that much more, clothes a bit more of an outlay due to having one of each but not significant. Apart from that no real difference really.

Thanks for your quick responses!
herjazz I think this is the only way really but it's going to take "some" time and until yesterday I thought I got it sorted.so difficult to accept.I told him I was not going to give up.

Well has he thought about anything other than the finances? Has he really weighed up the pros/cons to your child of having a sibling? I have two,and when my elder child is at school the little one really misses her and needs me much more,whereas when they are both here they are together all the time,it is nice to have a sibling (most of the time!).Its also lovely having more than one child.I wish I'd started younger and had four tbh.Is there another reason? Did he find it hard adjusting to being a parent or did he feel left out ? I just think the financial thing is an odd reason to give,it seems a silly reason to deprive you of another baby.

Ah that is sad. I have two dc with a 2 yr and 8 mth gap, and they are really close and such good friends, despite being boy and girl. Does your dh have siblings?

OMG if you want another child that badly the last person you'd discuss it with is your dh for goodness sake.

My need for another beautiful baby was so great it would have been pure folly to have opened up the emotional floodgates.

I have four beautiful dc now and the last 3 were accidents . My dh was too worried about the expense to want a second so I got lots of secondhand stuff for them to ease on that.

My dh loves his dc.

We both have siblings.We are actually both form families with 3 children.
And only few months ago he said we should be having another one as it wouldn't be fair on dd if she was the only child.He loves her to bits.
He felt a bit left out for a while but I don't think he is worried about it now.
The only reason he gives is financial.Apart from that I don't think have to explain to him all the benefits of having a sibling for our dd.

Queenbuzz I like your spirit but I don't think it's gonna happen to me as we were not using any form of contraception for as long as we've been together(3 years)before dd was born and she was well planned and tried for...He's just so bl**dy in control of this

My DS was the same, early on it seemed sensible not to have another and I went along with it.....he always had reasons not to have another....and there are definate benefits to having an only.....15 years later at the age of 43, I regret not having any more.

Sorry, DH!

Sorry but nobody was going to get between me and my desire for another baby which is why I would have had to change partners than be in scurry's position.

It's weird to think now but the thought of someone getting in the way of that basic innate need, well, it's not something I even contemplated tbh. The resentment would have killed off any desire for my dh I think had he been the one controlling me biologically.

Please don't do anything you know you'll regret later!

hmm, has something happened recently to change your financial situation? Is he scared of redundancy/are your mortgage payments going up or something? Does he think you'd need to buy a bigger house? Have you decided you're going to send DD to private school? Seems odd that he was fine before and now he is worried about the money side.

Agree that you shouldn't pressure him too much but maybe come up with some more concrete solutions to the financial side of things. As someone else said, the biggest cost for us is losing my salary as it's not worth paying for 2 in childcare. But at least it's only for a few years and then I plan to go back part time or do freelance. Perhaps if this is an issue let him know that you're not planning on never going back to work just because you have a 2nd child...at least if that's the truth!

Or is DD hitting the terrible 2s and that's made him change his mind?!

At the end of the day remember you have a beautiful DD and even if you never have another a lot of people can't even have one child. I wouldn't trick him into it, that's a dangerous game!

Nothing really happened to our finances,we have just enough money for the free of us.He is worried as we went overdraft last month and were £200 in debt before the salary and it is very likely to happen again this month.I consider it very short term issue as we bought a car last month,paid cash for it and we still have around £1000 on savings account which I just didn't want to touch iuswim.Mortgage is fixed until 2014 and yes it would be lovely to change house for bigger but it can wait until we need re mortgage or something.
At the moment I am so down I can not appreciate the fact I have sweet little daughter and just hate to think about her as the only child... She is nothing like a terrible 2 btw

Don't despair, callmemamma, my dd is now 6 and it has taken me this long to persuade DH that we can afford a second one. I'm now pregnant. I know that waiting must seem like utter agony to you now - I used to cry when I heard of other people getting pregnant - but at 35 you still have time and your dh will hopefully come round to the idea.

I think it's expensive long term to have two or more DC but at the beginning if you have kept everything from your DD then you have no added expense really.

I hope your DH comes round soon.