just cannot bond..after 2 years!

[itsallballs]

okay...this is really hard to say, but I cannot form a connection with my third child.
When i found out i was pregnant with him, i wanted a temination...hubby disagreed and so i went through with it.
Never felt any connection with him though...just see him as my hubbys son who i look after in daytime till hubby gets home from work...then he looks after him.
how do i get past this?

Hi, I too am struggling with bonding with DD who is 2.
I have realised recently that don't think have ever used the phrase 'my daughter' since she was born.... Sorry cannot give any advice, hope someone who can is along soon.

how come you cannot bond...did you want her?

Err, well I did want a child but - and this feels like an awful thing to say on here considering some of the other threads - if it hadn't happened it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

She was not an easy baby either and I just feel like I'm spending my life waiting for the next stage when it'll get better.

Is there a large age gap with your other DC's? Are they DS's too?

all 2 year olds are a handful so this must go beyond that.

i would take it right back to the beginning and try to get some skin on skin action happening- massage/baths together/sleeping together etc. it really is amazing what a difference that makes.

try no to get yourself in knots about it. they're here now. you don't feel bonded for whatever reason. try to focus on doing something about it or you'll be stuck like this, in limbo going over the same thing over and over.

my children are 8, 3 and 2.
yes they all have same father, my hubby.
I only truly wanted one child. However, as he got older his aggressive behavoiur got worse. Friends, relatives and even his nursery said that if we had another child, it might calm his behaviour down.
when i found out i was pregnant for the second time i cried for 3 days solid. I was basically having another child for the wrong reasons...to tame my first childs behavioure.
Anyway when i found myself pregnant a third time, i was adamant i wanted a termination .hubby against this, s o i went along with pregnancy, but refused to participate, if you see what i mean. I absolutely refused to talk about the pregancy...with anyone except for midwife. I refused to pick a name, I refused to buy a pushchair( a double pushchair) and i basically acted like a teenager...if i dont talk about it it wont really be happening.
still feel that way!!!!!

Do you think YOU are being a bit spoilt and petulant? Rightly or wrongly you had this child. He didn't ask to be created and born.
It sounds like you are still acting like a teenager! Unless you have post natal depression?
What have you tried to do to bond? Do you think you don't love your son?
I don't mean to be unkind by the way, just trying to understand
Bee

itsallballs.

well really you know why you've not bonded then. it's impossible to form a bond under those circumstances.

you need to work on using a new technique to cope with what life has thrown at you. sticking your head in the sand clearly is only making things worse.

and regardless of what your husband said and did, YOU decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. it's your responsibility to make this work.

am i wrong in thinking your own upbringing might have been lacking?

and how does your husband feel about this? esp considering you mentioned on another thread that he's been looking at your posts.