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Original poster

Top tips for being a single mum - albeit temporarily

27 replies

mrsflux · 30/05/2010 18:42

Dh is off to the states for work leaving me and 14mo ds home alone.
I am very lucky that he's not had to go away for long before but am not looking forward to the next 2 weeks.

What are your top tips for surviving on your own?
I'm not sure I'll get anything done in the day and will have to catch up at night. Also I might go mad!

ps I have the upmost respect for any single mums out there. Don't know how you manage but would like your pearls of wisdom!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MitchyInge · 30/05/2010 18:43

is this a joke?

unltd · 30/05/2010 18:47

oh im sure you will cope just fine

Original poster

mrsflux · 30/05/2010 18:47

No!!!
I seriously want to know as so far dh is always home by 6 from work etc so I don't need to cook tea whilst ds is roaming etc and dh helps with lots of stuff - a real team effort mostly.
Really don't mean to upset anyone!

OP posts:

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lljkk · 30/05/2010 19:05

Don't be so oversensitive, ladies. She's not dissed lone parents in any way.

I imagine I'd get as much shopping done as possible, OP, so that I didn't have to do any big shops while he's away. I'd plan outings every day, especially visits to friends. I'd lower my expecations about housework and personal cleanliness, and treat myself and LO to more than usual visits to cafes/soft play centres (I bring a book and newspaper). I'd plan my day around LO's usual naptime, get things done then I can't get done when he's awake.

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:10

Eat with the children, ditch any idea of 'adult meals'

Don't iron. Just don't. Wash, dry and put away.

And ring him before you go to bed.

Do whatever you normally do.

People are being aggressive because compared with being a single parent you do seems to be panicking excessively as what you are about to experience is nothing like being a single parent, but tbh it IS scary to do things alone when you've been sheltered by a husband all your life, and you ARE allowed to be sacred.

HurleySatOnMe · 30/05/2010 19:10

O yes, 2 weeks without a husband in the house makes you a single parent. I know you probably meant no offense, but jeez woman, what are you, 12? Would you liek me to hold your hand while you go to the toilet too? I'm sure you'l cope fine. There's plenty of us that do.

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:11

Reg. cooking - put him in the highchair with some bits of stuff or some toys.

GypsyMoth · 30/05/2010 19:11

you're not going to be anything like a single parent....i think you will be fine though,just carrying on as normal. housework late at night,i am no stranger to that. organisation. struggling on...but you wont find it hard as you have a partner on the end of the phone who would drop everything if there was an emergency,and return home to help you!

colditz · 30/05/2010 19:13

Ladies ....

We do not have it as hard as mothers who raised children alone through world war two but that fact does not in any way take away the feelings of struggle we DO experience.

MrsFlux is allowed to be scared, she's facing unwelcome change.

purpleturtle · 30/05/2010 19:19

I usually manage fine when DH goes away - although he does a lot around the house and with the children when he's here, I tend to find that I can get done what I need to.

Make some plans to meet up with friends, so that you get a bit of adult company over the next 2 weeks. Perhaps invite someone over in the evening.

The worst bit for me is always the 'homecoming'. I fixate on that as the point where things revert to normal (whatever that may be), but in actual fact, DH generally arrives back from wherever he's been pretty tired, if not jetlagged, and not in any state to walk in and take over while I put my feet up. I know that now, but it's still difficult not to fall into that trap. In fact, sometimes it's easier if I let him come home to an empty house, and have chance to 'land'.

You'll be fine.

Kewcumber · 30/05/2010 19:22

just lower your standards, works just fine for me.

PickUpYourPants · 30/05/2010 20:37

DH is often away for periods from 1 night to 12 weeks and has been since DC were born. It is daunting at first when you are used to the support of him being there and you will find yourself adapting. It was never an issue him being away as it had always been part of our relationship since day 1 but once you have children it does change.
Not sure if you work or are a SAHM but if you are at home do you have some adult friends/family around?
We don't fixate on his homecoming especially as it is not always definite, people know wonder how I am so blasé about where he is and when he will be back, but for me it is easier to know that 'this week he is out of the country and will need meals again from Friday evening' than 'arriving home on 18.00 flight from xxxx'.
Fortunately my DH doesn't really suffer from tiredness or jetlag as has been know to get in from an overnight flight from the US and go straight to his Karate class on a Saturday morning.

luckyJess · 30/05/2010 20:39

DH regulary spends time away. Ds 7 DD 4.

I tend to give the kids lots more quality attention as they miss Daddy (especially DS).
I leave more time for bath and bedtime routine. I always plan to do housework etc in the evening..but when it comes to it i am usually too knackered!

piratecat · 30/05/2010 20:45

lol @ kewcumbers--spot on.

op, I understand it wil be a bit daunting, i am a singlemum, but can't be upset at the fact you are worried!

I remember when ex dh went back to work after i had my dd, i was like 'wtf'. BUT you'll manage. I think for me, if i had a dh/ dp, i'd prob just miss them alot, and it would be half the trub.

Just sleep, and chill when you can.

Original poster

mrsflux · 30/05/2010 20:46

Thank you for the supportive comments.

I know it's nothing like being a real single mum. I am so thankful that I am not in that position. Sorry if I wasn't respectful enough to those of you who do.

It is scary as it's the first time since ds was tiddly. Now he's running everywhere and escaping from high chairs etc so is a handful and a half.
Think I had already mentally listed most of the suggestions but thanks for the positive vibes!

OP posts:

Monty100 · 30/05/2010 21:06

I'm a single mum and didn't take offence, it's what you're used to.

Lowering your standards is a good suggestion, not that I do, but if dh was coming back in two weeks I'd leave loads for him to do .

Seriously, don't worry. Just spoil yourselves. Do you have friends or family that'll have you for dinner some night?? Invite them back as well so you have adult company.

Monty100 · 30/05/2010 21:11

*nights (not just one night lol).

Chandra · 30/05/2010 21:11

Lowering the standards??? excuse me, you have one person less to take care of, raise them up!

Now, the clue to my survival were early nights and even earlier mornings, as it was only at dawn when I could have a moment to myself. Now that DS is older is another story but when he needed me all the time, falling asleep just after putting him to bed -I was also exhausted- and having a full couple of hours for myself before he woke up, was just heaven.

Meglet · 30/05/2010 21:16

Lower your standards is probably the most sensible idea. There will probably be lots of stuff you can catch up on once your DH is back.

Cook lots of meals now so you can just re-heat and save time / washing up.

And get wine in .

TotallyWipedout · 30/05/2010 21:20

MrsF, I'm sad to read some of the sarcastic and unpleasant comments on here. Your anxiety is perfectly understandable. However, you might well find that some things are easier on your own. I find it more difficult when DH is away, but also much easier. Everything happens far more quickly if there's no faffing around and consulting anyone else. Disciplining is easier too. It's easy to be consistent with yourself, but not so easy to be consistent with someone else.

Much as I love my DH, I like being able to do everything entirely my own way. I like eating junk with the children and letting them lick their bowls (DH doesn't allow this). I also like going to bed early, without hearing him watch Newsnight. I like it when he comes back, but I do enjoy it just being me and the children when he's away. You will find a routine that works, and you will get used to it. It's fine, so long as nobody is ill - that's when you'll miss him!!

KSal · 30/05/2010 21:27

i second the early nights, also don't expect DP to be useful on his return - mine just spends the entire day of his return sleeping.

i also find planning plenty of activities with friends helps (at the weekends as i work ft).

you'll be fine, 2 weeks will fly by. I find me and DD get on great and have a really lovely time when DH is away. It sounds mean but we seem to bond (she too young to undrstand he's away for work). its tricky when he gets back though as she's really clingy with him.

i agree spoil yourselves a bit.. its the perfect excuse to go out for some treats or something.

KSal · 30/05/2010 21:30

TotallyWiped you are so right about the lack of faffing! things run so much more efficiently when only one person is in charge

oh and sitting on the sofa pigging on chocolate once DD is in bed is a big benefit!

JAKEJEM · 30/05/2010 22:07

My husband is in Afghanistan for 7 months and I am alone with 3 children, two with autism and one 9 month old baby who has just come out of hip splints. I spent many a night panicking that I wouldn't be able to cope,before he left, but that was the hard bit. When I was faced with the reality (and I've done 6 weeks now), it is bloody hard work, and Im down on my knees at the end of the day, but I am damn proud that we are coping and there have been tears some days, and laughter on other's but you will adapt and you will be ok. The first few days are the hardest. Good luck You will be ok XXXXXXX I see it as another day done, another day to be proud of our achievement

TotallyWipedout · 30/05/2010 22:35

Oh, yes, the chocolate thing too.

Dollytwat · 30/05/2010 22:40

Try and plan what you're going to be doing, have something to do each day. You could go and stay with a friend for a night if it's just the two of you.

Get your shopping delivered, or if you fancy some time out go out shopping.

I'm a single mum of two and I think having friends and things planned is the thing that gets me through - I have half term to get through with them next week!

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