Feeling very low. Possible post-natal depression?

[Haleana]

Hi everyone, I'm starting this post from another which caused great debate and ended with a question over whether I am suffering with the normal highs and lows of being a new mum, or something more serious.

In short, although I love my DS more than anything in the world, I also feel somewhat detached from him emotionally sometimes. In fact, a lot of the time now the only emotion I seem to feel is despair/frustration and want to cry quite a lot! (Even sometimes at adverts or the news). I want to feel the overwhelming love that so many mothers have told me will come, but I don't and it only makes me feel like I'm not a good enough mother to him.

The sounds of his cry sometimes makes my stomach twist over. Sometimes I even panic when I hear it.

We had a very traumatic birth which neither me or my son have yet recovered from (he is now four months old). I wonder whether this may have contributed to the way I feel now?

I'm finding it very difficult to establish when I should be upset about something and when I shouldn't (i.e. Grandparent's roles, how to bring him up, whether or not we are doing something right etc). If I get upset I'm constantly questioning myself and I nearly ALWAYS feel guilty.

Is this normal? Or is it just motherhood?!

great you are on this thread,i posted on the other one too,about the tightness,i felt it too,for the first month of my DD's life,she is two,i thought i would give birth naturally,,i was so convinced i would,,silly me and when i ended up with a c section,and infection after infection in my boobs and not breastfeeding ,i was shattered,didn't have anyone other than husband for help but he had to work so i was alone with this little thing,and crying all the time,

i got better though and could hold my baby,her crying lessened,my moods changed,happy this minute,sad the next,crying a river every morning as hubby left for work,,but he was supportive and patient and kept telling me i was the best mom ever,with time i got better,c section healing,breasts better and am breastfeeding now,baby sleeps through the night,and during the daysleeps quiet well,,

so i just want to tell you that with a sick baby its difficult,but it will get better,,i always yell myself that,,this too shall pass,nothing stays the same,and kuddos to you for holding your baby,i wasnt holding mine and she cried a lot,but thats bcoz i couldnt,,so girl i hope to see another one where you will be telling how wonderful life is with your Henry,to borrow a saying from my DH,,you couldn't be a terrible mother even if you tried,,''and you are a terrific mama,,sorry its so long

my DD is two months,

Wow, I applaud you for tackling the great taboo of how love for a baby feels at first. I expected it to be like the books and films, i.e soft lighting, music, fireworks, etc. For my DD, this was not entirely the case. I felt, and do still feel, immense guilt about this and have never been able to dicuss this with my family because I feel so ashamed. DD was induced after going two weeks over due date, which put pay to my hopes for a home birth. She was also low birth weight and I found feeding (breast) extremely difficult and tiring. She suffered from colic, too, which meant lots of crying in the evenings, and began teething a four months, being unwell with each one. At the time, I lived some 200 miles away from family, in a rural location, and had limited access to the car (no public transport). I had no friends with children. The sense of isolation was at times crippling. I too often grappled with the idea that I was suffering from PND, and to date I am not sure whether I did or not, although I suspect not.
Now for the positive, I hope. It HAS got better. And, importantly, I do love my DD to bits, and her smile and laugh fill my heart with joy. That love has increased each and every day, like drips of water falling into a bucket.
I think I had way too many expectations about parenthood, as I suspect many first timers do, and believed it was going to be a crash bang wallop sensation when she arrived as was placed into my arms. I think in many ways it is like the difference between sex as it is shown in the movies as opposed to real life (unless my DH is lying!)
Please do not be scared to talk to people, and do give your self a break. You are bound to be tired, which I know takes is toll emotionally. Do believe that this feeling will pass, it will get better. Big hugs

pastmaster,are you in my mind or what?lol,,what you say is excactly what i felt too,and my baby was 2weeks overdue as well and i ended having a traumatic birth,felt the same with my DD,and the sex,,im scared when my husband looks at me now,the birth killed my sex drive,,lol,,i had such great expectations about everything,perfect pregnancy,natural childbirth with no pain meds and of course smooth sailing breastfeeding,,well,,nothing of that sort happened,,DD is now two months and am still struggling with breastfeeding,however am gettin there,as for my baby,,wow,,i FEEL her every need,and getting to know her is a blast,,so we hope Haleana is doing better,,and wish her the best,,