What can I do about my daughters obnoxious friend ?

[waybuloothebelt]

Hi, I'm in a bit of a tricky situation at the moment. My 4 year old daughter has a school "friend" who lives just across the road from us and she likes to come and play at our house. her Mum is very nice and tends to give her little darling everything her heart desires.
This little girl is so rude, bossy and dosn't make any attemps to play with my daughter, she's only interested in the toys or bossing her around. I also have an 11 year old son who arranges to go out if she comes around.
Last time she came around, I gave them a tea party because my daughter likes that kind of thing. The little girl looked at the table and said "Yuck!, what is this drink?" I told her it was apple juce, and she said "it dosn't even look like apple juce to me" to which I replied "well you can have water if you prefere" and she refused that too. She later asked what I was making and I told her they were going to be fairy cakes and she said "they look grose".
I do really like children, but I just can't warm to her in any way at all. I know she's only 5, and it's probubly due to her up bringing etc, but I don't want her influencing my daughter.
I do sort of feel obliged though, as when we try to avoid her for a while, her mum will say at school "oh H has missed A", we'll have to meet up again soon.
I'm the sort of person who want's an easy life, I don't like upseting people and I'd much rather just get on with it than make a fuss, but I have to think about how it'll effect my daughter. She actually likes playing with this girl, but she's always a bit cheeky for a while after. I've told her that I don't like that behaviour and that she shouldn't coppy H etc, but it dosn't make any difference.
I just wanted some advice really, I never had this when my son was little, I guess I've been lucky up until now.

Her mum came around that evening and said she'd left her "boo-boo" behind. As I handed her this piece of chewn up thread bare rag, I did feel a bit guilty for thinking badly of her, It made me think, she's little more than a baby really.

I'm just far too soft for my own good.

Yes, but being tender with her is not the same as being soft (i.e. not having boundaries).

We've met a few kids like this over the years, coming over to play with one or other of my 3 dcs. Seriously, I have found the best way is to let them know what's acceptable and what's not in your house.

It sounds like your dd is one of those naturally compliant and gentle souls who don't need firm handling, so it's strange for you to have to be firm with this other girl. I have generally found that once the kids know where they stand with me, it's much better. DD(4) has a little friend like this at the moment, a lovely bright boy who likes to shout and boss and control situations. Once when he came over I had to put dd in her room for being rude to me. The boy told me I shouldn't do that to her, I should be nice. I told him that I was her mummy and it was up to me, not him. We've had a few situations like this but now he just looks at me and I look at him and we understand each other perfectly. And it's fine, I can like him now.

I do think it's true that children like having firm boundaries. I've had kids lie on the floor and cry because I've stopped them doing something, but I have never had a child say they didn't want to come back to play.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll explain the rules and consiquences next time and if needs be, she'll have some time on the naughty step. If she responds well, then we'll keep having her around but if not, we'll have to steer clear in future.