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Parenting

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Original poster

WOULD YOU?

18 replies

crazymadlady · 26/05/2010 13:32

Dh and I considering another child and we are 44 and 49.Have 2 teens 14 and 16 so very long ago!!!!!!No health issues and financially in good shape have own house etc no mortgages or debt plus dh has a good secure job and I am freelance so am used to being in and out of employment.main issue obviously is age and I am concerned we are being unfair to the child.V confused and also this is assuming I could get pregnant!Have regular cycle still and am still ovulating.Any views and as honest as you like really I can take it

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LovelyDear · 26/05/2010 13:37

i was the youngest child of older parents, my siblings were 5-11 years older than me. i didn't particularly enjoy the experience of having old (and now dead before my contemporaries') parents, though i'm very close to two of my sibs and that's lovely. i couldn't WAIT to leave home at 17, and always felt everything i did had been done before which was slightly tedious.

so in summary, i'd probably opt for waiting for the grandchildren! i'm sure you'll get lots of people disagreeing with me....

Original poster

crazymadlady · 26/05/2010 13:44

Thanks. I have thought that way too.

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RunforFun · 26/05/2010 13:44

I have a 10 year gap between my first and last.

In some senses its good, but sometimes I look back and think how differently my life would be now if they were closer in age. This whole baby stage seems to have gone on for 15 years !

Oh I dont know.

You wont necessarily be the oldest at the school gates there are all ages out ours.

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Francagoestohollywood · 26/05/2010 13:53

I personally wouldn't, but if you want another child go for it !

MadreInglese · 26/05/2010 13:57

Would you consider fostering?

funnysinthegarden · 26/05/2010 13:58

My parents were 43 and 47 when they had me and my sisters were 13 and 16 when I was born. I had a lovely childhood, was effectively an only child but also have siblings. Best of both worlds. My parents are still alive at 82 & 85 and I now have a better than ever relationship with my mum who visits regularly to see my 2 boys aged 4.5 and 3 months.

Mind you my name translates as 'fathers joy' which I now understand was tongue in cheek!

stillsurprised · 26/05/2010 13:58

My eldest sister is 13 years older than me and I enjoyed being the (slightly spoiled by everyone) baby of the family.

I think my sister has always felt a bit put out about it though so it may be worth considering how it will effect the older ones.

Original poster

crazymadlady · 26/05/2010 14:03

Mixed then.I don't want to foster as am not the sort of person to take on a difficult child being brutally honest.My 2 boys would be fine about it. I think they would be a great help they are lovely boys. It is more that I think we may have missed the boat and as someone else says we should wait for grandchildren.

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Trafficcone · 26/05/2010 14:03

I'm in a similar situation. We are expecting and our kids are 9-15 in age. I'm mid thirties, dh in his 50's.
So while most of me say "yes, go for it" my honest answer is that I would never have a child at 44 unless I didn't already have any kids. This pg has been so punishing on my body in my mid thirties so no way would I do it in ten years from now.
You may be uber fit though!! I'd so worry about the nuchal results ans possible ramifacations of a 'bad' results.

BallpointPen · 26/05/2010 14:06

No, I wouldn't but I say that as a 31 year old who has one child and is planning two more in the next 5 years not a woman in her 40's who still feels the urge to have more. I may feel differently in 10-15 years.

My mum was 37 when she had me and I always thought and disliked that she was an older mum but lots more women have children later nowadays, it is more acceptable.

Original poster

crazymadlady · 26/05/2010 14:14

I guess I underestimated the physical aspect in terms of tiredness etc If I'm honest I gave it no thought as I feel pretty much as I did then but may be kidding myself!

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funnysinthegarden · 26/05/2010 14:23

I am reasonably fit and have just had my second child at the age of 39. Pregnancy was fine and no different to my first at age of 33, if anything it was easier. I wouldn't wait for grandchildren as it puts too much pressure on your children to reproduce before they are ready. Lots of women have children in their late 40's, and am not TOTALLY ruling it out myself, just don't tell DH.......

Original poster

crazymadlady · 26/05/2010 14:33

I feel more at ease and settled than I was then but also admit am older.I would really love another the more I think about it.We have loved being parents the good and bad we have enjoyed every minute.Will be a late night tonight I think we will be talking for hours I'm sure!

OP posts:

PinkButton · 29/05/2010 12:27

I was 49 when my DS was born, my DH was 37. He was (and still is) a much longed for and very much wanted child. The pregnancy wasn't too bad. Sadly my DH died very suddenly when DS was 16 months old so I am now a single parent to a very active 3 year old, at the age of 52. Wasn't expecting to be in this situation at all and sometimes find it very hard.

thumbwitch · 29/05/2010 12:35

I was 40 when DS was born. My Mum died just before my 40th birthday (much younger than we ever thought she would) and I realised that I might not last past DS's 40th birthday, if I was lucky enough to even get that far. My mum lost her mum when she was 58 - and that was hard enough - losing my mum at nearly 40 was very difficult (and I know that I am still lucky to have had her that long in comparison with some others) - and this made me feel guilty that my DS was likely to have the same loss as me, perhaps before he was ready.

We are currently ttc no.2 and I will feel even more guilty about another DC, as I will be even older. The only advantage is that DH is 9y younger than me and therefore likely to live longer, so my DC hopefully (barring accidents) won't be orphaned too early.

Sorry - to be a bit negative and gloomy but that IS my feeling about it.

LittleSilver · 29/05/2010 20:45

PinkButton, how sad. I am so sorry for your loss.

cat64 · 29/05/2010 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dwpanxt · 29/05/2010 21:07

Just to give another angle I had my first grandchild at 44.

We adore her and happily do all sorts with her ,overnight stays are a joy and we muck about in the kitchen and doing lots of 'projects'. She has been central to our lives since she was born and we are very hands on as her mum is a single parent.

However ( you knew that was coming didnt you )
She does go home and its so nice to have the house and contents back again. We can clear away the mess in the knowledge that it will be a few days at least before the next onslaught. There is time to regroup and think about what we shall do next time. Weekend lie ins are only missed out on a few times a year and pandering to food fads and tantrums are so much less tiring when they are few and far between.

Definitely - grandchildren are the new children

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