SAHM mums, what do you do each day, need some advice on routines!

[cerealqueen]

I am about to become a SAHM as my job finishes this week and I don't have anything to go to. DD is a different little person to the baby she was when I went back to work. She is now 19 months. I need some ideas of what to do aside from endless washing and housework. I've started to explore toddler groups locally, and there is the park so thankfully its summer. How often do people go to those groups? Is is Ok to just let her play on her own at home and not do things every day? We will be a bit broke without my income so paid for classes may not be possible. She is very sociable and am worried also that she will miss being with other children she saw at the childminders and will be bored at home with me.

I would say the most important thing for you is to work out what you need in order to stay sane and cheerful - your DD will be fine if you're fine. At her age you don't need to be paying for anything to ensure she 'develops' properly - what's important is that YOU have adult company during the day because if you've been used to working that's what you'll miss.

I work part-time 2 days a week so can only partly help.

I usually spend one day doing jobs around the house, run errands, that kind of thing. We spend one other morning at a swimming class and arrange to meet with friends on the other day.

Afternoons are usually spent napping (not me anymore, sadly!) so everything is done in the morning. I've never really done toddler groups but some friends of mine do and they go every week to two different ones. They socialise outside the groups as well.

I've always let my children play alone. I think it is very important to leave them alone sometimes. It must be terribly irritating to have adults trying to interact all the time!

Check out your local council's website. Council sport centres seem to have a lot of stuff for tinies, like music and dance 'classes'. Also the library - many a happy hour can be whiled away in there. Toddler groups are a good place to start though, mainly because once you have more mum friends you have more social options! And of course she'll be fine if you don't do something every day. You'll think of all sorts of fun stuff to do together!

One thing that has paid for itself many times over is National Trust membership. When I can't think of anything else to do I strap the boys into the car and meander around NT property. My sons enjoy it, they sell good cake and I don't have to spend ages pushing a swing!

I get my DD involved in doing things with me. She helps with the gardening (has own gloves, tools etc).

We go swimming at the local pool (free for her).

We go to the park.

She goes to ballet classes.

We go shopping.

She 'helps' with cleaning the house.

We play playdoh and painting (even better when we can do in the garden on warm days as less mess).

We meet up with friends at the local family friendly cafe.

We will be bringing out the bikes from the shed soon and indulging in bike rides.

My ds will be 3 in august. At the moment we go to the park at least once a week depending on weather, he plays in the garden or we have a small park right next to us, We swim once a week and go to soft play once a week. Othertimes it's doing the things that need to be done like food shopping etc. He likes to help me with housework etc too. I try to get outside if it's a nice day so sometimes it's just walking to shops or post office or we'll go around the block on his scooter or bike.

Personally I like to get dressed and out the house every morning relitively early to do somekind of 'activity' and keep the afternoons free to do whatever. Mainly just to keep me sane really otherwise we would probably end up still in our pj's at lunch time!

We've done tumble tots, soccer tots etc in the past but now the weather is getting nicer I'd personally save the money and just go to the parks etc instead.

I don't entertain ds all of the time either. He plays quite happily on his own too.

Cheap things to do are playgroups most are between 50p-£1.00.
Most libraries have a free music class, plus the usual books.
Swimming at local leisure centre is usual very cheap to take kids swimming. Plus a lot less busy than at weekends.
At the moment the weather is great so go to local parks, if you go often you'll probably make friends with local mums too.
Inviting other mums around for coffee with make sure you don't feel lonely and your DD gets so socialise with other children.

Then playing at home I'm a firm believer children should have plenty of time to play by themselves at home and potter around.

I like to be quite busy so when we are at home. I'm always doing something like cooking from scratch, gardening, food and essential shopping, cleaning basically anything that needs doing in regards to children and the home I do but I also have time for myself each day otherwise I start to feel like a maid rather than family member.
Mid morning when DS is having a nap and DD has some time to play by herself, I sit down with a coffee and read a book or do some knitting.

I seem to spend most of my week at the various children's centres! My DS is also 19 months and I am a lone parent. All of the activities I do regularly are free.

Monday: Coffee & Play (morning baby/toddler group at children's centre), free afternoon.
Tuesday: Coffee & Play, then afternoon either BF cafe (I'm a peer supporter) or Toddler Disco (at other children's centre)
Wednesday: Free day for appointments etc
Thursday: Jo Jingles* (music group), then meet up with mums from NCT class in afternoon.
Friday: Friday Club (toddler group at other children's centre), free afternoon.
Saturday/Sunday DS goes to his Dad in the afternoons.

(When I say "free" I tend to be doing things in the house on these days)
*Jo Jingles due to finish next week, and as it's free you can only do one term, so we will probably start going to Rhyme Time at the library instead which is £1.50 but only on once every 2 weeks.

DS used to nap on the way home from the morning activity (which TBH is more there as something to force me to get dressed and leave the house) and then we would have lunch when he woke up, but now he doesn't tend to sleep at all, and it's a bit of a battle trying to keep him awake during the afternoon so he will sleep at night. So I may have to rethink some activities slightly. But it suits me to be at home in the afternoons, because otherwise he falls asleep in the buggy/car on the way home.

I have two words for you- SURE START!

Seriously, you need to get yourself on your local children's centres mailing list. Also look in shop windows, nip into any community centres etc and keep a little list in your diary or something of what is on where. For some reason, play groups are generally rubbish at advertising, but eventually you will find loads.

I'm a SAHM to a 3yo and a 6mo, we do a lot of baking (bread is great fun for young children, or even just making a sandwich can be turned into an activity, choosing the fillings, buttering the bread, ect is all very interesting to a young child), drawing, "football" (ie kicking a ball at each other), putting on music and dancing about like loons, reading books, dressing up, singing songs etc. It is also very important to let them just potter about by themselves a bit as well, so make a brew and relax a bit, it's good for them!

I have to be quite strict with myself to make myself go out lots. It all depends on your area, when DD1 was about 19m we spent a lot of time wondering round local charity shops, coffee shops and libraries/art gallieries. I made sure I left the house, if only to the corner shop, at least at some point on most days.

Go to groups, try out a few as they are all different. I try (but don't often manage) to get a good mix over the week. So, in theory, Wednesday sees us doing Story time and busy bodies (really the same group tbh) then the free soft play at the children's centre. Thursday we do DD1s dancing lesson and messy play and Friday it is bouncy castle and stay and play or meeting up with friends. All apart from dancing lesson (£3.50) and bouncy castle (£1.50) are free as they are run by surestart. I am intending on getting DD1 babysat one afternoon so I can take DD2 to a babies only group, atm all she gets just for her is breastfeeding group once a month.

There are groups on at local art galleries and museums that I keep meaning to go to, but they are a bit more of a journey and I never get myself organised in time to get there.

My tip (and I hope it doesn't sound snobby or anything) is to try and limit tv. TV draws you in and you can lose entire days. Don't feel bad if the odd day is a chill out day of TV and relaxing, but try not to get in the trap of spending all day staring at cbeebies or you may find yourself getting too involved in the dramas of 3rd and bird

Oh, and try to make time for yourself. Naptime doesn't HAVE to be housework time (unless that is your "thing"), it can be sitting down with a brew and mumsnetting, or watching trashy tv, or practsing your noseflute. Also, don't let the baby rule everything but equally sometimes try going by their flow-it can be a breath of fresh air!

Oh, and if sometimes the house is a mess, the baby is crying, you are in your dressing gown, the bills aren't paid, and so on, remind yourself, at least you can take yourself, the baby and some chocolate to bed and no boss will be breathing down your neck

Do you drive btw? If not, I heartily recommend getting a bus season ticket. If you have it in your purse, it doesn't cost you any more to just jump on the bus somewhere. Take a packed lunch and it is a free day out!

Reading with interest - am current deciding (, I'm so lucky) whether or not to go back to work; ds is 7mo. I work for DH so can pick and choose when/how many hours

Oh, and I do a bit of work from home, it doesn't make a fortune, but I like doing it. Maybe you could look into that? I do Usborne Books and I have a little business selling bits and bobs on ebay. Both of them together takes me into officially "working" terratory, but you could do a few hours at one job and not affect any benefits etc.

If you have a DH/DP, make sure they realise you are a stay at home MUM, not housewife. The thing I say to my DP (and luckily he is usally ok with it) is that I am here for the kids first, my work second and I will get housework done if I get a chance, just like anybody else who is working from home. If you were a nanny you wouldn't be expected to clean the house top to bottom every day, so don't fall into the trap of doing everything around the house as well as looking after the baby full time and just letting him go to work and then do nothing the rest of the time.

Some really good advice here, thanks everyone. We do go to the library for books but they also have bounce and rhyme too so will schedule that in. I don't drive but am actually looking forward to some good walks into local high street to get some of the flab off that has accumulated over my midriff since sitting at a most of the week!
I will try and instill into DP that am a mum at home and DD comes first to an extent, however, he will be doing taking on as much work as he can (he is freelance) so accept that he won't be able to do as much as he did.

Like the idea of doing some stuff from home - might explore what I could do. Would I actually get any benefits at all?

cereal, if you like, send me an email and I can talk to you about how benefits have fitted in with my work (I have done most combinations at some point!)

I'll put my email in a separate post, then I can get it deleted in a minute...

Argh, will have to report it now, I have to go.

Erm, if I put in random spaces, you can just delete the spaces. And obviously put the @ instead of at and .com instead of dot com.

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:D I hope that has disguised it well enough for the spambots/people searching for my name!

Your benefits depend on your household income, so it's worth reviewing to see if you're eligible for tax credits.

You definitely don't need to go to groups every day for her sake, but for my own sake I did have to do something (I had a few months as SAHM at this age before I started working part-time from home and DD going to nursery 3 mornings a week. Now I'm on mat leave with no. 2)

I'm not an organised person at all, but I am much happier if I can look at the week ahead on a Sunday evening and feel I have things to do. I feel like a much better parent when I'm out of the house as well. I am quite day-dreamy and can just drift around for hours otherwise!

I totally agree that it doesn't have to cost a fortune - or really much at all - to entertain a young child. I don't have a car either and spend a lot of time going to the local park, library (story time and rhyme time - free), art gallery (they run pre-school sessions - free), swimming (£3 for me, free for them) and jumping gym (£1.50 for 3 yr old, free for baby), as well as Sure Start groups (all free). By the way, if you don't have a Sure Start in your area, you can always go to other ones. That might sound obvious, but I kind of imagined they were 'local groups for local people' until I realised loads of people going to our nearest one lived miles away.

Also agree that the TV is far too precious to waste it as background noise. Use CBeebies sparingly and you can get a nice coffee break mid-afternoon when you've run out of steam, or make dinner without DD demanding your attention. This is not only far more effective than leaving it on for ages, but you can also pretend that it's because you're a really conscientious mum too

ps Toddler Disco! I am very jealous of that, BertieBotts. Is that in a Sure Start centre? I might suggest it at ours tomorrow.

www.entitledto.co.uk (I think that is the address-google entitledto) is brill for working out where you stand benefits wise. Most unemployment benefits will let you work a certain amount of hours and earn a small amount before it starts to count.

Thanks Butterpie, I will do that!
Agree on the TV thing. Actually, DD does not have much attention span for Cbeebies but Pingu (which DP bought, I'd never really seen it before) has her mesmerised, so I try to save it for making lunch/dinner, quiet time when I need to.
I would never have thought of Sure start, thought that was special services for I don't know whom!

When I was a SAHm I had afew basic ground rules I stuck to.

No more than one hour housework a day. Don't get stick in a housework-drudgery trap.

Always do something that involved getting out of the house in the morning. Toddler group, park, swimming, baby music class, meeting friends etc. Tires them out and lifts your mood.

CBeebies or a DVD or story CD after 4pm, to give me a chance to have a cuppa and put the dinner on.

Strict bedtimes so I get an evening! DH did bed time whenever he was home in time - I'd literally hand them over and disappear upstairs with wine for a sit down.

Sure start is great, they do have special services but the main thing is they have children's centres with loads of different activities for children. They also tend to do groups in local church/school halls etc as well. Depending on your area, they might be free or there might be a very small charge of around £1.

Google your local surestart now, they will proably have a website (although I have found they can be rubbish website wise, there will at least be a phone number somewhere online!)

are you near a city? If you can let us know what area you are in some of us might know some good things to do

Yes Laugs - it's fab! Really simple as well. The centre is connected to a primary school so they have use of the school hall for that half hour once a week. They just stick some current chart music on (usually dance stuff - think aerobics type music) and they have a little disco ball thing, the kind that used to cost about £1.50 from Woolworths. They just shout out instructions like "Everyone join hands in a big circle!" and do things like running in and out of the circle, or a big conga line etc, but the favourite is "Traffic lights" - they shout "Red" and the children all freeze, "Amber" is they hold their hands like they are revving a motorbike and say "Rrrrrm rrrrrm!" and "Green" is go and they all run around the room madly. The younger ones don't really get it but they seem to have fun anyway.

Then after the disco they have a little picnic/sit down lunch (depending on weather) - you have to bring a sandwich, and they provide snacks (things like cucumber, tomatoes, breadsticks, chunks of cheese, and then fruit, fruit bread, fromage frais etc) and then after that it's Stay and Play for the rest of the afternoon. DS is always exhausted by the end, but he loves it (though he's a bit wary of the disco still). Doesn't take much to organise - maybe you could volunteer?

I've been a SAHM since DS was 7 mo. he is now 3yo. During this time and up til now I've met up with others mums and babies that I knew through aquanatal/antenatal classes - only meet up with a couple every once in a while now as many have went back to work. I take DS to the park, go local walks, visit relatives. He does painting at home, jigsaws (usually when the weather is bad!). We go to the library together, he helps me with the supermarket shopping...so all in lots of free stuff makes up a huge part of our week. I also read to him a lot. We don't do scheduled activities besides swimming at the local pool once a week and that's about it really.

At the moment he's out in the back garden in the afternoons when the weather is really nice, pottering about and I sit and enjoy the weather outside too.

I don't really understand people that think being a SAHM is boring - if you keep yourself occupied and make sure you get out every day of the week then there's no reason to be bored!! It's a job in itself so be creative and enjoy it!

I agree with a previous poster though, make a point of getting out the front door every morning to do something together - and then chill out in the afternoons.