My mum won't follow my routine/my discipline techniques

[RachD]

Dear All
This is following on from a Mogwai thread re mum not following routine.

Slightly different.
BF rings me. Her son is 5.
Her mum nevr follows her rountine.
Undermines her discipline techniques.
Her ds spends quite alot of time at grandma's - and atleast one evening per week.

Didn't know what to say ?

How do other posters deal with mums ?

It is the role of grandparents to totally dote on and spoil their grandchildren. It is good for kids to realise that there can be differetn rules elsewhere. It would only bother me if the grandparents was providing a significant amount of childcare ( eg looking after kids when mum at work). Even one evening a week shouldn't be able to undo everything the mum does.

Have to agree with ladymuck .
I look back and laugh at my attempts to get granny not to spoil the baby.
I think if you accept another family mmber's hospitality/ help with childcare ytou have to abide by their house rules to a large extent

my mum spoils my kids one evening a week. i was spoilt rotten by my grandparents. thats what grannies are there for!

My parents have just spent a few weeks looking after my dd while I was at work full time.
They have their own way of doing things and she loved being with them.
If their methods are slightly or even completely different, it makes no odds to me. What matters is that they love her to bits and entertain her hugely when they are with her.
I couldn't ask for more.
The only thing that really angered me was when my mother cut dd's hair - she hadn't had her first hair cut and I had told my mother specifically NOT to cut her hair - she thought it was too long and cut it anyway.
We didn't talk for 3 or 4 days!

Rowlers I am pretty laid back but if anyone took scissors to my kids' hair ( even the boys have long hair) I would be furious. My mum is always on at me to get their hair cut. part of me keeps it long to annoy her( I love her reallY)

completely agree with Rowlers

Rowlers - god the hair - I'be mad !

BF's mum did things -

Bf told her mum that she was looking forward to taking stabilsers off ds's bike. Kind of monumetal moment, I guess. But her mum did it !!

At sports day, BF's mum grabbed ds and ran with him in 'mother & son race' , before BF could do anything about it.

Ds said he wanted charity/sports braclett.
Want, want, want.
BF said , as she regularly does, i.e trying to teach him he can't always have what he wants, when he wants it, that he would have to wait till saturday & buy it with his pocketmoney.

BF tells mum this.
Yet, next day, mum buys ds bracelett.

My mum looks after my DD a lot and we have solved the problem by having a clear understanding of the things I feel really strongly about, and those I don't. I have made it absolutely clear to my mother that she must not cross the line on those things that I feel strongly about, but the rest of the time I leave it up to her judgement.

The sort of things that I am absolute about are things like no physical discipline. So for example, my mother thinks I should bite my toddler when she bites me. But hubby and I have decided on no physical punishment / lessons at all, and I have made it very clear that she is not to do that to my DD at all, or to smack etc. Although mum doesn't necessarily agree with me, she knows where the line is and that it is not to be crossed!!