Feel it is my fault DD (yr2) doesn't get invited/included on playdates

[cherryandalmondtart]

Am not sure where to put this, maybe it would be better in primary education?

Anyway, DD is at a church school. We don't go to church and we are not the only ones at the school who don't attend church. There seem to be a group of girls in DD's class who are always having playdates and spending weekends at each others houses etc. I feel sure this is at least partly because all the mums are friends, go to the church and mostly knew each other before all the DD's started school. Since starting school DD has made friends with the girls in this little group but I feel because I am not part of their group of mums, DD hardly ever gets invited for playdates etc.

I have had DD's friends over to ours many times for playdates, but she hardly ever gets invited back.

It doesn't seem to bother DD that much in that she hasn't shown in any way that she is upset by this. But she is a very sociable little girl and I know she would love to go to a friend's house occasionnally for a playdate. I suppose I feel very upset on her behalf and wish I could think of how I could ask the other mums to include DD sometimes without appearing overbearing etc.

This is really upsetting me and constantly playing on my mind, especially as I often overhear other children in DD's class going off to each other's houses after school when I go to pick her up.

Am I getting upset over nothing? Should I only worry if DD herself says something to me about it? I can't seem to help it, DD is such a lovely little girl, I don't understandf why she hardly ever gets asked for playdates, although she does get invited to many of the birthday parties in her class.

Sorry if this post in long and rambling and confusing.

I don't think there is much else you can do, one of my DCs doesn't get many invites either and yet we have other children here whenever we can.
It is difficult to break into an established group of mums, have you tried organising something for them rather than the children so that maybe you can break into there social group and lead the way for your DD ?
Other than that I'd perservere with the invites for the other girls and hope that one day things change.
It bound to be upsetting for you but maybe your DD is happy with things the way they are.

I think as long as she has friends to play with in school, and friends who will come to her house when invited, you don't really need to worry about it. Mothers who already know each other do sometimes forget to include children outside their little circle, but it tends to reduce as the children get older, because the children themselves take charge a bit more and ask "Can Jeannie come over?" instead of waiting for mum to suggest it.

Keep going with the invites to your house, and don't worry too much if it all feels a bit one-sided.

Do you think they really are 'playdates' - or is it more about the mothers covering for each other?

From an outside perspective, it would appear that my DS and his best friend go to each others' houses "to play" about once a week.

In fact friend's mother and I are two of not very many WOHMs of the year group, and we cover for each other if we can't make it to pick them up, to save on after school care costs. That and working leave very little scope for other "playdates".

All in all, if your DD is happy and seems popular and gets invited to parties, I wouldn't worry about it IIWY.

I would agree with what others have said.

Continue to have other children over to your house, even if you don't get invites back, for your dd's sake.

It is hurtful, and I've certainly been there, but sometimes I think we feel these things more than our children do.

And the playdates may well be mothers covering for each other, as stealth has said.

It upsets me too (for my ds1), but I've come to realise that he's actually quite happy with things as they are, and it's me who has the aching heart!

I'm sure things will improve as your dd gets older, but for now just try to remind yourself that she is a happy little girl, and keep that thought in your heart.

Thanks so much for your replies. I felt better just getting this off my chest instead of stewing on it alone.

I think some of the 'playdates' may be mums covering for each other as stealth said. But am sure some of them are 'genuine' playdates. olivia, I think we're in the same boat. DD does not seem that bothered although I do feel that sometimes after school or at the weekend she seems a bit bored and would probably love some company and then I feel bad that I don't have a better relationship with the other mums so that I could just phone up and ask a friend over or ask if DD could go to theirs. I know that's what this group of mums all do between themselves.

I suppose if I'm honest, I also feel a bit left out on my own behalf, not just DD's.