please help me sort out my toddlers sleep before next baby arrives

[hairymelons]

DS is 22mo. Has slept through regularly for about 2/3 months now but bedtimes are still boring long and a bit painful. It's going to be a nightmare trying to settle DS and deal with a newborn, esp. as I will be by myself 5 nights a week, so we need to sort this out before DS2 arrives in 4 1/2 months!

The problem is that we can't settle him and then leave the room whilst he plays/ goes to sleep. We want to be able to take him up, have stories and cuddles and then leave the room. He currently will go to sleep in the cot but asks for my hand on his tummy. If I move away he says, 'Help, mummy. Hand please' How can I refuse that??

He is very clingy all the time, it's just his nature. So it makes sense that he would be that way at bedtime but I REALLY need him to learn to manage by himself. It's all made worse by the fact that DH and I work v long hours. He's better when we've been around all day so I know it makes a difference. We're working on reducing our hours but that's the current situation.

I'd really like to avoid CC if possible, partly because he's sick v easily (always when he cries) and partly because I think he's v sensitive and would be distressed by it. No beef with it, so if that's your suggestion I'd still like to hear it! I'm totally out of ideas otherwise.

Thanks.

Hi inzidoodle, you're right about weaning him off the hand. He just gets so upset so quickly. He doesn't have a favourite toy, we've been trying to get him to fall in love with one of them for ages but he's not interested.

Should we try him with a new toy? Take him shopping for a teddy or something?

My suggestion would be similar - use a gradual withdrawal thing, so start with hand on tummy, then do hand next to his tummy, then hand on bed etc etc etc till finally you no longer are in the room! As you have a few months you wouldn't need to rush it.

Getting him a special teddy os also a good idea. I would make a big deal of him choosing his special "night night" friend to keep him safe and give him cuddles at night. Then I would give him no option, just keep putting it in the bed with him whether or not he seems taken with it particularly!

Good luck, he sounds like a very sweet little boy BTW!

Not sure how dark you make his room at night, but would it be worth trying leaving it a little bit light, and then leave some books in his cot?
DD (25m) often goes to sleep "reading" one of her Mr Men books.... we hear her babbling away about Mr Tickle

Obviously we still read stories to her, and she gets one lullaby sung to her before we leave the room, but then we just leave her to it. Some nights she kicks up a fuss, but we just go back and reassure her, tell her it's bedtime, maybe talk about what we've done that day and what we're going to do the next day - this seems to calm her down.

Quick update, bought DS a new bedtime teddy today & a friend gave him a newborn dolly so we took them up to bed. Told him 2 stories then in the cot- he twisted my arm for another story and then a song but went in the cot no fuss after that.

Was a bit moany after a couple of songs, wanted my hand then stood up and wanted a cuddle. I said no,cuddle your teddy and lay him back down. Was a bit moany again, asking for my hand. Stroked his tummy a bit, then got his teddy to stroke his tummy instead.

He started playing then so I moved away and sat with my back to him. Completely ignored him after this. He asked for my hand/ a cuddle a couple of times but think he decided I'd gone to sleep because he started saying wake up, mummy!

He played a bit more then conked out- massive success. First time he's gone to sleep with no help EVER.

Thanks so much for your ideas. I was dreading doing this but your responses really bolstered my confidence. Fingers crossed for tomorrow night!

Well done! One piece of advice though: If you are going to encourage an attachment to teddy, best buy another (identical) teddy or two! DS1 (2.3 years old) is very attached to 'Blankie" since about 8/9 months old. We have a spare one and that one goes to nursery. He will ask for Blankie every night without fail before he has his bottle. He will have his milk, cuddle Blankie and then turn over to go to bed. And don't encourage an attachment to too many toys. At one stage, DS1 was asking for Blankie, monkey and then caterpillar to bed! We put a stop to that as there is no way we wanted to be making sure he has 3 toys before he can sleep.

I would try to keep teddy in the cot. So your DS will use it as a sleep cue. Good luck!

angel, his new teddy is a widely available Winny the Pooh! Had be warned about that by a friend who lost her DS's Sleepy Sue in a taxi in Spain. Nightmare.

Thanks again all. Hope it wasn't a fluke.