Grandparents favouring older daughter - how do I stop feeling angry?

[afterallyouknow]

I have 2 very small children - both daughters 2 1/4 and 1 yr old. Grandparents (my husbands parents) favour older daughter - when we see them they make no effort with younger daughter, all talk on telephone is about older one. I know babies don't interact much and some people are better when children older and maybe I expected grandfather to be like that - but I feel intense anger towards my MIL as she is a mother and if someone had disregarded her 2nd daughter as she disregards mine she would I think have been upset. Even her birthday the other day they did not even put her name on the card - I know these little things are small but the small things add up - when she was born they did not phone my SIL until the next day so SIL thought something was wrong with the baby. I don't want this pattern to continue - I know it is early days but I feel angry that it is almost the case that the child has to prove they are lovely before the grandparents will be bothered about them. My elder daughter is fabulous and I know why they love her - but my younger daughter is also fantastic and they have not given her a chance and I feel an intense anger about this.

When DS2 was a baby, MIL used to say 'we're coming on the weekend to see DS1... oh and DS2 but he's not so interesting'. It used to drive me nuts. DS2 was so lovely and they kept saying that he wasn't 'interesting'. They were all over DS1 when he was a baby. I once asked her if she felt that DH (MIL's second son) was 'not interesting' as a baby and she said 'of course not!'

Anyway, DS2 is now 5 and they stopped saying this 'not interesting' stuff when he was about 1. Strangely, I have since had a 3rd child, a girl, and MIL was all over her from birth and never called her 'not interesting'.

Anyway, PIL don't show any favouritism over the children now, except that DS1 (7) is no longer so interested in them.

My MIL has been like that. My eldest is 5 and youngest will be two in august. DD2 was not a social baby which made it harder for my pil. Sadly fil's cancer came back a few months after she was born and he passed away last september just after dd2 turned one. All this has made it harder for mil to bond with her. Me and DH did ask her about it and she admitted to feeling like she didn't have a bond with dd2 the way she does with dd1. She's now agreed to take dd2 a couple of times a week to spend some time with her on her own and get to know her better which I am really pleased with.

you dont.

you should be on the recieving end of a mil who doesn;t like any

i had exactly this issue. in fact it is prob fair to say that i do have the issue. in the end it angered dh so much he spoke to her about it. i would say that she is now aware of the issue and tries so very hard with her actions to not do this any more. but she cant help how she feels in her heart and sometimes it becomes obvious but i do have to say that those occasions are becoming less and less frequent and i just hope that by the time dd2 is old enough to realise properly it wont show at all. you have my full sympathy. any chance you or dh could speak lovingly and gently to ehr about it?

I have this with my FIL and it drives me mad. He favours our youngest dd - aged 3 because she's cute and baby-like. He gets all soppy over her. But he's barely interested in our older dds - 9 and 7. If we go down to visit (which is less often now as there's no point), he doesn't even stop what he's doing to talk to them. They have NO relationship with him - they think he's a bit weird. But it's ok for him to give us money to put in pensions/investments for them And he thinks that makes him great.

A little less money and a little more time please!

Same here OP, it's got better as they've got older (now just 5 and nearly 3) for the kids but it still leads a bitter taste in my mouth. Mil says things like 'of course we did n't see so much of dd2 at that age' and I have to bite my tongue really hard. She did but ignored DD2, fil has never even held her (visit every 6-8 weeks).

I feel like I'll never trust them since they don't react in what I consider to be a normal way.

i was the favoured child when i was little!
understandably it pissed my mum and dad right off (his mum)
anyhow it took me refusing to have my wedding where grandma lives (edinburgh and instead having it where i live - bristol!) for that trend to be reversed.
she is now all about my sister which i'm not bothered about but do feel sad as she doesn't give a monkeys about ds who is her first and only great grandchild.

some people are like that, just learn to ignore it or tell them to make it less obvious or stop seeing them!

Simple you tell them that unless they can treat them equally they are no longer contact, at the moment your attitude of putting up with it is allowing it to continue. Once they realise they have no choice they usually adapt their behavior.